Pocd and reassurance

contains tw// p-ocd, beatstiality, self harm mentioned briefly ok so to start this i really enjoy child psychology, working with kids, etc. I’m a camp councilor in the summer at two different camps and a babysitter in the winter. I’m the youngest so no younger siblings but i know if i did i would 100% take care of them just because of my love of taking care of kids. I’ve always had p-ocd and struggled with it but it’s only gotten worse within the last year, starting with my psychiatrist saying i didn’t have ocd and casing a panic attack in my partial hospitalization program (a mental hospital.) I get pretty horrible thoughts about pocd and children and im currently having a small-medium anxiety attack about it. i have never hurt a child to but my brain keeps repeating the fact that “P3dos work in places where they have access to childern” at times when i’m activity working with kids it will happen and i ignore it but right now it feels stuck to me. I can’t help but understand that that is a fact and i’m more likely to be a p3do because of the fact i’m a camp councilor. i also have some pretty bad ocd about beastiality and i’m also panicking about that. i have some memories of me being 7ish and doing some questionable things regarding this. ( i know is (in theory) normal for kids that age due to differnt developmental stages and due to the fact that i was groomed as a kid) but the memories play in my head repeatedly and make me really upset. i start gagging and i can’t look at my pets anymore without wanting to hurt myself or throw up. (it’s mostly bad right now, not usually) I always try and distract myself and it usally helps but it’s not right now. i have ocd but every time i think about it i can’t help but question weather or not i’m actually a p3do/like animals. It’s gotten to the point where i start asking people to send me to jail but im staring to think that was a good idea given how terrible my thoughts are. i also have trouble talking to my friends about it because i never know if they will ss my texts and spread that i’m a p3do (they won’t but i get nervous) anyway please give advice/help with any of these issues if you can

I’ve been struggling with POCD since I was 18 years old, I am now 22. It’s terrifying how quickly it switched from my ocd focusing on a fear of pregnancy, to magical thinking ocd, and then to POCD. I’ve been suffering with it so much so that I’ve convinced myself and have lost friends due to confession compulsions. I have major issues with ruminating, and it frequently goes hand in hand with my relationship OCD and my Suicidal thoughts OCD. (Worrying my partner will leave me because what if I am, and that I can’t take this anymore so I have to __) I often experience things like shame, guilt, grief, and intense emotional pain that manifests itself into nausea and heartburn and sometimes headaches. I’ve tried everything, so this app really is my last resort. I wish to find community here, to know that what I’m facing I’m not alone in my battles with. I know that I’m not, so why does my brain work so hard telling me I am? I love children, I always have. But I get so afraid of being near them. I want to get better. I want to be able to spend time with my family again.

Hey I’m new to this, I’m a 20 yo female, and I’m pretty sure I’ve had ocd since my childhood, but it’s gotten worse has I’ve gotten older. I never really understood my intrusive thoughts and always felt so sick and uncomfortable when I’d have them. They took a turn many months ago when they became more often and more intense. And I started doing some research on them and came across ocd (which I always thought was just when people don’t like to be unorganized and are like perfectionists or something) but as I was reading different websites and seeing how many types of ocd there was I noticed that I related to most of what I was reading. I still haven’t been officially diagnosed or found a therapist yet but I’m working on it. The past year has been the hardest with my intrusive thoughts. I’m mainly bothered by my pocd and I feel sick to my stomach whenever I get an intrusive thought about a child. I absolutely love kids and would never do anything to hurt them it physically makes me ill when I think about it. (If anyone has any tips to deal with this please reply😭) I think I have an idea to why I have those thoughts. I didn’t have the best childhood I was sa’d at 4&9 by 2 different people that were supposed to take care of me, and I have this horrible fear that i could be like them and it makes me feel so incredibly sick. I was also way too exposed to s3xual things as a child, my family was way too open about s3x growing up like I’m talking adults in my life thought it was okay to openly talk about it to me when I was 6/7 like it was normal. I wish I could explain more but this is already way too long. I’ve only opened up to a select few people about this so this was extremely hard for me, I’m literally fighting for my life… Thank you to anyone who cared enough to read this all the way through I appreciate it so much.🤍