:(

I literally had a sex dream abt my abuser and I feel disgusted after waking up or just shocked bc now I feel now and how I felt in the dream are different.. and it’s weird bc I it’s like i didn’t know it was my abuser but it was yk? Like he was clearly physically present but I didn’t feel that vibe or aura abt them so I thought it was a different person but but physically they looked like them and I feel so disgusted bc I remember the details and I feel so ashamed bc I felt the dream and i saw myself like it :((( idk what that means bc now I’m kinda worried that means I had sexually feelings for my abuser deep down but I woke up like chill until I remembered and I felt disgusted ofc but I feel like I’m so used to anything being a possibility like maybe I do think or that like the ocd exposure thing that I feel bad that I kinda am not scared as much anymore? But it still concerns me bc I feel so disgusted by it now and even more bc my groinals and I still feel it like bleh :/

Username: TPD

Date posted: 10d ago

I’m so sorry. This is such a painful situation—obviously, no matter who you are, you don’t deserve to get abused. I hope you don’t mind me saying that he’ll get exactly what he deserves, and that you will find peace and healing. Best of luck. ❤️ But onto your post: it is fairly common to have weird sex dreams about a variety of topics, even the taboo: kids, animals, etc. Similarly we get groinal responses about basically everything involving sex. Just the mention of it can “arouse” us. So this is perfectly normal. Also, people who have been abused react in a variety of ways. Some run away and shed every memory of them; others keep coming back. Some people who have been raped return to have consensual sex with their rapist. It does not take away from the severity of the crime inflicted upon them. It also does not change the fact that they feel hatred and horror towards their abuser. Your dreams aren’t simple depictions of your inner thoughts: they can be made of your worst fears, your greatest desires, etc. I can’t tell you for sure what you feel about your abuser because I don’t want to reassure your OCD. All I can tell you is that it doesn’t matter: you’re valid. It might be best to keep repeating “maybe, maybe not” and accept the uncertainty and fear. Also, if possible, work with a therapist? I don’t know if you can, but it might be really helpful. Wishing you the best of luck and all healing!

Username: MeredithMcD

Date posted: 10d ago

I am so sorry this happened to you. A dream does not determine how you feel about real life events. You are stronger than what happened to you

User type: Therapist

Username: Stacy Quick

Date posted: 9d ago

I am sorry that you are feeling so upset, please know that this is a very supportive place for you to share these things with. First off I want to say that it doesn't matter even if you did enjoy a feeling whether in a dream or real life- it doesn't need to mean anything. Sexual reactions are a biological function, they can happen even when someone is not truly enjoying it. Check out some of Chrissie Hodges videos on YOutube as she touches on this a lot. But know that you are not alone. It is not at all uncommon that OCD shows up in dreams.