ROCD HELP

Remember that anxiety can not exist forever. Try to sit in with the anxiety without doing the compulsions (ik .. it is so hard at times 😭😭). Hopefully, when the anxiety passes and you find yourself capable of acting on your values, you will be a bit more clear and capable of making a decision.

It's like I wrote this post I relate to this 100% :(

It honestly sounds like I could’ve written this post myself. I have been feeling the exact same way. My boyfriend just broke up with me Tuesday at 5 am because I couldn’t stop my anxiety and he couldn’t handle it anymore, I don’t blame him I can’t even handle it myself, and I would’ve never been able to end it myself because I’m so unsure of what’s right. Idk if my anxiety is just ROCD thoughts attacking the first amazing person I’ve been with or if for whatever reason I just don’t want to be in a relationship with him. It’s literally so confusing. I’ve never even had this before in any other relationships and idk if it was just because they were all bad? The way mine started was when I met my now ex it was such an immediate level of pure comfort and we got more similar by the day. We were talking for 3 amaaaaazing weeks then one night we were hanging out playing video games, that we were doing bad at, and I just wasn’t in a good mood so i got INSANE anxiety and immediately my brain was telling me I don’t like him and all sorts of things. I tried to just lay with him but that made me more anxious and cry. I got extremely sick and stayed sick and anxious for a few days but for whatever reason the thought of losing him quite truly made me suicidal. I went on a voluntary “grippy sock vacay” for a week and then when I got out he came over and I was still down but as soon as I got close to my apartment, knowing he was there, I got insanely excited and that night he asked me to be his gf. Everything was amazing for about 3.5 months and then it happened again after a workout made me sick and I missed work for 2 days and my brain told me I was losing feelings for him. Another 2 day grippy sock vacay and have been having anxiety allllll the time with crazy thoughts, and that’s been happening since last November. There were times where I could stop them and feel good for a few days or weeks and they’d come right back. After we broke up I spent several hours crying in extreme pain and have been constantly crying until yesterday morning I was just purely angry when I woke up. We had an apartment together and he had to move out and back home with his parents and I thought seeing his stuff gone and feeling his absence would break me but it hasn’t really been bad. Last night we spent 5 hours talking, and we did sleep together, and it was honestly really amazing. I was going back and forth feeling like I had such a big crush on him throughout the evening. Now he’s coming over tonight to grab more stuff but for some reason I literally feel like I feel genuinely nothing for him. Idk how to feel. We had an amazing relationship and whenever I wasn’t having anxiety I was so in love and over the moon and happy, but now here I am.