The “What If” Loop

My OCD is continuing to have me constantly check and check and check! I keep doubting and am very confused! How can I get out of this trap!!!!!

Anyone else have repeated thoughts that play that are negative. Basically a back and forth of you telling yourself you don't want X to happen but having a thought that slips saying you do. Like being stressed out one day and saying "man I wish I were dead". But instead of letting it roll through your mind and thinking nothing of it, you obsess if you actually want that outcome for yourself and you are now scared you'd fatally harm yourself whenever you feel anxious or stressed even though you know you wouldn't. So now I repeatedly get I wanna die stuck in my head and I feel the compulsive need to say no I don't to combat the thoughts and it happens throughout the day and even when I wake up.

Does anyone get “what if I don’t wanna be with my partner and I wanna be with someone else but I don’t wanna get hurt so I won’t break up? “ wouldn’t I know? I’ would’ve done it by now