Taking Space

After my boyfriend of 2 and a half years and i talked yesterday, we decided we needed space apart. i feel like this is going to end in us breaking up. i’ve been with him since i was 15. he is all i have ever known. but now, i feel differently about him. i think because i feel differently, it has caused me to spiral in why. do i feel differently because i am actually gay? do i feel differently because i don’t love him anymore? i’m not sure. i know i do love him, and i always will. but i’m not sure if i want to commit to someone at 18. he says he knows he wants to be with me, but i don’t know. i have nothing to compare him to. i have no other experiences. i feel like i need other experiences, because i feel like that’s how people should live. i don’t think i feel the same way about him as he does about me, and that’s devastating. 16 year old me would be absolutely crushed to know i’m in this spot. because i remember feeling so in love with him. i guess the fact that i don’t feel as compatible with him as i used to is a turn off, but it makes me think i’m gay. i’m really not sure if i am, i have liked boys all my life and i don’t ever remember liking a girl in that way. and i really feel like i would’ve noticed. but the fact that my boyfriend and i aren’t working out, seems like proof i am gay. but really, i don’t know. i could not be as attracted to him as i used to be because of so many different things. it could be because i’m gay, it could be because we aren’t compatible. it could be because we just don’t have great physical chemistry. i tried to make us work, but at the end i still just don’t feel compatible with him and i thought i was. this really triggers me, because it’s hard to understand why we aren’t compatible. it makes me think, well what if this happens in another relationship and i don’t feel the same way, that would definitely mean i’m gay. i don’t think i ever would date a girl, but at the same time i don’t know. i don’t know if that’s internalized homophobia speaking, if i’m in denial, or what. i mean i thought i was going to be with my boyfriend for the rest of my life, why is this any different. i’m just scared.