Tommygdawg

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I'm Scared To Be Around My Cat

The worst thing about harm OCD is I don't even want to be around my cat. I love her so much, I would do anything for her, but my legs are constantly buzzing, feeling like I'm going to step on her - and worse, like I want to. I hate it. I live in a 400 sq ft or less apartment and am triggered basically 24/7 because she is always there. Before this relapse, her always being in sight was my favorite thing ever. I'm so tired.

EFF_OCD

Date posted: 2y

Harm ocd is the worst theme. This too shall pass. Hang in there. I know what it feels like to be afraid of yourself. It’s exhausting. As hard as it is, try not to even figure it out. Welcome the anxiety instead of resisting. It will get better. It always does eventually. Stay strong 🙌🏻💕

Tommygdawg

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Thank you <3 I feel like I've forgotten some of my tools. I've coasted for too long. And I find myself ruminating to try and figure it out before I even realize it. It's so very frustrating. I get into all these other meta themes too, like what if I'm the exception and I do hurt my cat. Which goes down the rabbit hole of I've not only hurt my cat, but then I've hurt OCD sufferers everywhere because everyone will think they're violent (I say they because you know how we like to convince ourselves we don't actually have it). I appreciate the support. Thank you for the space to vent.

EFF_OCD

Date posted: 2y

@Tommygdawg I actually do the exact same thing wow. I feel like I’m reading my own words. My friends and family know me to be a kind gentle compassionate person. I can tell you are the same. I hate that this disorder lies to us so badly. You will get through this.

Tommygdawg

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Itsheathersocd - OMG SAME. My friends and family tell me the same. "You're so kind." "You're an angel". And I'm at once flattered and also doubtful "am I though? What if I'm not? What if you don't really know me?" I never say these things back to them, because I'm usually able to realize it's the OCD and know that it would be rude. But man it's hard. It's so distressing how convincingly it lies to us. Thank you so so much for the support. It's so nice to know I'm not alone.

EFF_OCD

Date posted: 2y

@Tommygdawg Omg. We have the same brain. Literally it’s almost scary to read. My friend today told me “you’ll love your child so much if you ever become a mom bc you have the sweetest soul.” I thought to myself “what if I don’t though and I’m faking it. What if you don’t know me?” Omg smh. I hate this disorder! 🤣😅

Tommygdawg

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Itsheathersocd - I waffle between finding it scary and also incredibly comforting. What would be far more scary is if you and others were like "wow those are some bizarro thoughts!!" And also, I have had THE SAME THOUGHT with regards to potential future children. I guess they don't call it the doubters disease for nothing. When I first learned of that name for it in 2016 I got emotional because it explained my entire life. And even so, here we are in 2023 and I'm like "but do I even have OCD?" LOLLLLLLL. If you don't laugh you cry, and I've done plenty of the latter.

Erin P

Date posted: 2y

Can you do ERP around this or a worry script?

Tommygdawg

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I'm scared to, and I'm not exactly sure what a worry script is. For the longest time, I resisted doing proper exposures and just treated the intrusive thoughts as enough of exposures, and now I'm not really sure how to. I'm getting back into therapy with NOCD but there's no one to see me for two weeks so I'm just trying to hang in there. I dont know how to handle the buzzing in my body. Sometimes I just try to be like F you OCD and just focus on the feeling, but IDK if thats the proper way to expose to it because then I start like looping on it and anxiety shoots straight to a ten.

Erin P

Date posted: 2y

@Tommygdawg Here’s a site about worry scripts so you can do one about your cat until you can see someone at NOCD: https://www.shalanicely.com/fredtalks/shower-scripting/ I hope this is the right level of a mental exposure for you.

Tommygdawg

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Erin P - Thank you so much, Erin! I will try this.

mitz

Date posted: 2y

i mean i accidentally step on my cat all the time, she runs in front of my feet all the time so it just happens, i just pet her a bit and she forgets all about it

Turquoise Place

Date posted: 2y

Can I help in my little way?

Tommygdawg

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Please!

Astjtoju13!

Date posted: 22w

Harm ocd

Someone please help me I’m having intrusive thoughts of hurting my pets and I’m really scared of myself and I want these thoughts to go away. Can someone please help me I’m scared and I don’t know if I’m a monster

emma345

Date posted: 20w

Scared to interact with my cat because of zocd

NSFW 17f So basically I did something sexual to the cat when I was younger. It wasn't like full on bestiality, my privates weren't touching the cat and I wasn't touching the cats privates but it was still sexual. I didn't know what I was doing was wrong. It didn't harm the cat in any way, but of course it's still horrible. So I developed real event ocd that ruined my life complitely. Most of the time I don't think I will male it to 20. Sometimes it's a living hell. I developed it more than a year ago and I barely even remember this year cause I was so consumed with guilt it was the only thing in my head. So i also developed zoophilia ocd because of it. And I feel so bad cause I can't interact with my cat anymore. Because she wants to and I have to ignore her. Slowly I started to be scared to let her on my bed. So I stopped. Then in my room. Stopped doing that too. I still tried to give her some attention just outside of my room. Then I got scared to touch her. So I stopped doing that, but I used her brush to pet her with it and her toys to play with her so i don't physically touch her. Then my ocd went like but what if you are subconsciously using her for sexual gratification when you look at her? So now I can't even look at my cat. I look away when she is around, block my sight with a hand, close my eyes or if I can I leave. But the heartbreaking part is. Before I remembered what I did I was giving my cat a lot of attention. Like everyone says I'm her favorite and she only allows me to hold her and pet her the certain ways. So for all that time she is desperately trying to get my attention. She jumps on my rooms door, meows for a long time, tries to sneak in my room and stuff like that. And It's so sad I just have to ignore her. Especially cause she doesn't understands why. She was getting so much love and then randomly she is being ignored?? idk her real age cause we took her from the street, but she lives with us for 13 years, so she is not young. She is pretty healthy so I don't think she is going to die any soon but still. if I never get over it she will spend her last years of life ignored. and this makes me want to cry and want to throw up. but I don't know what to do. if I touch her I start freaking out and convincing myself that I used her somehow for sexual stuff even if I didn't do anything like that. I'm so scared. and also sad for her. and I miss my cat tbh. like everhtime I have to close my door when she tried to enter I feel so bad. but I'm so scared. because after what I did to her I'm already a monster. I don't want to add anything else. but I also feel bad for ignoring her.

laladracu

Date posted: 18w

Harm ocd

I am so scared that my *undiagnosed* OCD is going to make me harm someone close to me in my family. I’m afraid of knives, I’m afraid of things that COULD be a weapon like pens, forks or anything like that. My sister is my BFF and my thoughts have latched onto her. I’m so afraid!! I don’t know how to make them stop. How do I stop and will it eventually subside? How do I work on compulsions? I’m on Zoloft 50mg as well for 3.5 weeks and a lot of my other worries have subsided except this one. I feel like a crazy person :( Also does this sound like OCD?

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I'm Scared To Be Around My Cat

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