HOCD

Please I need help I want to be sure if this is real ocd, I had a dream 8 months ago about two gay guys having sex after that night my life changed I felt like I have turn gay and that I was not attracted to women any more this made me feel so uncomfortable and depressed I avoided hanging out with my male friends because I think maybe I will feel something down there. I even avoided watching tv and movies because I feel like I will get attracted to the characters, everyday I kept on analyzing checking my past if I had any experience before checking my past relationships asking myself questions. Even in my sleep I think what if I’m gay and I have been denied what if this is really who I am I have never questioned this before just after that dream I felt like the dream meant something to me im even afraid to call my friends because I think maybe I will feel something down there. Normal when I’m a call with my girlfriend or any girl I always feel something big down there but ever since this happened I don’t, I even try as much not to think of any sexual fantasy I had with my girlfriend or other girls because I feel like an image will just pop up. And sometimes it feels like anything I have an intrusive thought I kind feel something down there but I keep questioning do I like this. Why I’m I getting this if it doesn’t mean anything. Before that dream my life was normal I like girls a lot and I always think of girls but after that dream it’s hard to control my thoughts I get feelings I don’t even understand.I always check to see if something is going on down there even in public even at home even when I’m sleep🤦‍♂️I stopped a lot of things just because I don’t understand myself I try as much not to dream out it but it keeps coming. Now its telling me the thoughts are okay I feel comfortable with it on like before and it’s confusing me now i seriously need help please I want to know if it’s ocd or not google has done more harm than good 🤦‍♂️

ada110

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Honestly it sounds like textbook SO OCD to me. Just the opinion of someone else who has it. Can you access ERP therapy with a therapist who understands OCD? And yes stay away from Google! Resist the urge as best you can. It just gives you more stuff to worry about. We're here for you 😊

tuchi

Date posted: 2y

@ada110 Text book so ocd?

Scott328

Date posted: 2y

@tuchi She’s saying that it sounds like typical “sexual orientation OCD” and honestly bro, I read your post and I agree. I also suffer from the same thing. Your experience was almost exactly like mine. Minus the dream. Mine just came as a random thought and it scared the crap out of me. But other than that it’s all the same as mine. The checking, the avoidances, wondering if you’ll ever be attracted to women again. I’ve experienced all of it. It’s not easy bro. The ERP does help. Just hang on to what you know is true. This is the doubting disorder. You know it’s a lie, so don’t listen to it.

tuchi

Date posted: 2y

@Scott328 Thanks a lot bro

ada110

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@tuchi Sorry I wasn't clear, I use the term SO OCD so it's inclusive of people who aren't straight who worry that they are!

tuchi

Date posted: 2y

@ada110 I don’t understand what you mean

ada110

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

HOCD stands for Homosexual OCD and refers to straight people who worry they are bi/gay. But there are bi and gay people who have this theme too, but for them of course it's not homosexual OCD. So calling it Sexual Orientation OCD, or SO OCD, is more inclusive of everyone's experiences 😊

tuchi

Date posted: 2y

@ada110 Can you explain more I really don’t understand, the both are not the same thing?

tuchi

Date posted: 2y

@ada110 ?

ada110

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@tuchi Please, I'm trying to help, I suffer too so I'm not trying to make you feel bad. Let me try and explain a different way. OCD can latch onto anything, but worrying you are not the sexual orientation you always thought you were is one common theme. If you have always considered yourself to be straight and are now anxious that you're not, then that's how it shows up for you (and me!). For a gay person who's always thought of themselves as gay, it might show up as them suddenly worrying they are actually straight. It doesn't really matter what you call it, it's all OCD, the doubt disorder. But I was just explaining why I used the term SO OCD not HOCD. It's generally considered more inclusive because this common theme is not just something experienced by straight people. It's about worrying you're not the orientation you've always felt yourself to be.

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