Fixated on my partner’s past

Me and my partner are in an ldr relationship for 4 months now, and I’m the type who has trust issues. My partner is adamant that one of his most important foundation in our relationship is trust. I am trying, yet I keep recalling back to when we were still friends and he told me this story about how he got entangled with a hook up, specifically he slept with a girl casually and then the next day- he was arriving at the same girl’s friend’s house. Not knowing they were friends, so when she asked where he was- he says at a friend’s (referring to his guy’s). The reason she knew he was lying cause she checked his Snapmap. I did a compulsion a few days earlier as well, looking how to know if my partner is loyal. One of those quora posts mentioned “if your partner hasn’t given you any reason to not trust him, then he’s loyal” I keep rethinking back to my partner’s story. I keep pondering if hes out there rn with another girl, and unlike before- he has been more busy than the usual. Which I tend to nitpick more now. We have done a lot of arguments and disagreements cause of my trust issues, I’m still on edge whenever he goes out with friends and family and we won’t chat for a lot of hours.

justsomone1

Date posted: 2y

honestly I always struggle with this, especially if I was friends with the person before I started dating them, started remembering all the things they’ve said, before, about other people, or even who they slept with.

Acrasia

Date posted: 2y

@justsomone1 It is a struggle, my partner is shedding his old life behind as he was a fboy before. I keep having compulsions to look up if fboys ever change and read other people’s experience with them.

Honeyshark

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I mean trust is important but OCD makes it really hard to just sit back and trust someone if it’s latched on to that relationship. That’s so tough for you. I definitely ruminate and wonder where my boyfriend is and spiral because of it. It sucks cuz I don’t wanna be this person and i want to trust but OCD is always asking “what if”

Acrasia

Date posted: 2y

@Razz14 That and the people he talks to as well, he has a lot of female friends that he says he grew up with them. I see them all on his ig follows and it’s really triggering

Honeyshark

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Acrasia Oh yeah I get that.

findpeaceofmind

Date posted: 2y

I experienced this in my previous relationship before I was diagnosed with OCD. I’m realizing that life coaching helped me immensely with this. I haven’t been in a serious relationship since then but I have found now that I date casually, it’s very important to explain to others the way your ocd works in relationships and to reassure them that you trust them, it’s just your intrusive thoughts and possibly triggered from a bad experience in the past. Someone who loves you and wants to understand you and your brain won’t mind giving you that extra reassurance when they DO go out. And as time goes on and you learn more about yourself and your thought patterns you will eventually find a more comfortable way to move through those feelings when your partner goes out without you. I’m always here to talk if you’d like to! Relationship OCD was really difficult for me but I have come a long way and I would be happy to chat anything out with you

Acrasia

Date posted: 2y

@findpeaceofmind Thank you, although despite moving on from patterns and obvious ridiculous thoughts. My mind has the tendency to keep making new ones, even recycling our previous conversations and picking them apart- and then labeling them that it meant something different that would make me sick

Mazy420

Date posted: 24w

Advice on this situation 😭

I’m at a loss about what to do. I’ve been with my partner for about a year. I’ve wanted to be with him for 3 years and now I finally have him, I got out of a really toxic 11 year relationship about 4 years ago so I’ve had plenty of time to heal, things where going so great at first in our relationship and I’m still very much happy with him, I love him more than anything, but the past 5 6 months I’ve been having a constant fear that he’s gonna cheat or watch 🌽behind my back any chance he gets , I know that’s a touchy subject for some, but me personally it just makes me feel that I’m not attractive enough,or feel like I’m not good enough, I’ve never found evidence of cheating, and I’ve found 🌽 in his history once but I told him how I felt and he told me he understood how I felt and wouldn’t do it again,and I know the constant asking everyday and needing for reassurance with it is putting a tear in our relationship, I just want to fix it. Does anyone have any advice on how to redirect my brain whenever I start overthinking about it when I’m not around him? It just puts so much stress on me when I’m not around him cause I’m just constantly in my head about it.

Relationship OCD

JazzyRoses

Date posted: 19w

Being Cheated On OCD

Hi everyone! I have been having a rough time. So my boyfriend talks to his ex still as friends and I’ve been struggling with it lately and I can’t tell if it’s OCD or not but it does feel so distressing. She wasn’t texting him for about 2-3 months as she got into a relationship with this guy and they broke up. She had messaged him saying that she has no one else to talk to and needed to vent to someone. At first I felt okay, but my intrusive thoughts took over and it seemed like she was trying to get with him after the fact. It’s probably just my intrusive thoughts talking but he looks on Discord (the app where the message) constantly now and my intrusive thoughts convince me that he’s still in love with her. Then yesterday I saw one of his BeReals (a little photo app that shows a photo of the day) and I saw that he was watching one of her streams as she is a streamer. I struggled to talk about it because it made my worst thought feel like it came true where he is still in love with her. When we talked he gets a lil mad that I don’t tell him right away like straight up what I’m feeling but it’s hard to process because my thoughts flood in of all the worst things and I don’t want to come off as toxic at all and I know relationships are built on trust and I want to trust because this is literally the only thing that makes me nervous about him. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been cheated on before so I’m trying to protect myself but I’m lost. I get so depressed and so anxious because I feel like I have to grieve the relationship and it’s just so dramatic. I’ve never loved anyone like this before and I don’t wanna lose him by bringing this stuff up constantly when something occurs with his ex. I don’t know why I get triggered so easily and I just wanna heal from it and be the good girlfriend I’m supposed to be 😭

Anonymous532

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 26d

retroactive jealousy OCD

I stated dating my boyfriend about 3 months ago. This is my first boyfriend ever. He’s been in 2 serious relationships in the past and multiple sexual partners. I’ve had neither. When we first started dating/ at one point were just friends, he told me a lot about the last girl he was in a relationship including their sex life. Fast forward to us dating for about a month and I found out he had been texting her. We almost broke up. But also for context she broke up with him because she figured out she was a lesbian. But still… anyways we moved past it. And now… I’m sure we can all see this coming… I have this theme! I think about his ex gf all the time. I stalk her on social media and try to find hints and clues about their relationship. I compare myself to her. It really impacts my relationship because I’ll get mad at him for no reason. For example we went thrifting recently and he picked out stuff that completely wasn’t my style, but was hers. Which made me spiral. Is he purposely dressing me like her? Does he want me to be someone else, someone like her? The whole texting her thing was put in the past. I’ve forgiven him. But I can’t help but have resentment towards him and think/ visualize all these thoughts about them together and how I’ll never measure up to that. It makes me think I shouldn’t have got into a relationship. That maybe I’m better off by myself. But like all of us. I wish I didn’t have these thoughts. I wish I could believe he liked me for me. But sometimes it’s really hard.

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Fixated on my partner’s past

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