okay , so I’m at my aunts house right now and I usually am here a lot I do school here. so every time I’m here and I think about my house it doesn’t feel real ? like I feel like I never been there. and the same for when I go to my house and think about being here ? but when I get here it’s all good and feels normal .. thoughts ?
Disassociation is common with those with OCD… your not alone… I hope to god I’m not what my POCD and HOCD and real events OCD say I am…
@Givenup You’re not.
@justsomone1 Did you read my POCD, HOCD, and real events OCD based on past porn usage?
@Givenup I did yes , and it’s definitely just your mind / ocd. you are not what your mind says. I can assure you , I’d be a lot of terrible things I’d also be in prison if I was what my mind said 🤷🏼♀️ or if I gave into my intrusive thoughts.
@justsomone1 But my real events…
@Givenup explain to me just your real events
@justsomone1 I did… with the past porn usage
@Givenup I can’t find the comment
@justsomone1 I remember when I was 17-18, and I had done my private time to explicit content of cartoon videos comics of women with guys private parts doing stuff by themselves or with regular women and my HOCD is telling me that I'm in denial because of it, when I just thought it was another form of women doing explicit things with each other things... I am awake in the late night as I type all of this out.. I don't think I can ever forgive myself for the past private time to I*li other explicit comics fanfics with adult and really young cartoon characters couple of times unknowingly when I was 12, and 14 and occasionally unknowingly when I was 17-18. (Ex. Marge and Lisa) I had stopped three years ago, and l'm 21 now but I'm getting intrusive memories of doing it and I immensely regret it and feel triggered by it... I didn't know what the content was in any way at the time or what it represented... and while I avoided most of the content, the videos of them had millions of views, both the videos and the fanfics / comics were on public sites, and some of the creators said they were 18 in some of the videos, so I thought it was safe to watch... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo at all... I don't ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all...
@Givenup well for one , being homosexual isn’t a bad thing and you were younger 🤷🏼♀️ it doesn’t seem weird , when I was young I did a lot of questionable things that I do think about now days but you know we were kids/teens .. it doesn’t interpret your life now.
@justsomone1 I don’t think being homosexual is a bad thing… I just don’t ever want to be homosexual or bisexual because it isn’t my identity… it isn’t who I am…
@Givenup exactly!! you said it yourself. see , you are straight .. and you are you. your past doesn’t interpret now
@justsomone1 My HOCD just gave me an intrusive thought of “I’m not” as I read this… ihml…
@justsomone1 What about the POCD portion of it…?
@Givenup Just intrusive thoughts , i litterally promise. that’s all they do , say the opposite of what you wanna here
@Givenup oh definitely normal , and the fact that you’re asking me that should tell you , that you’re not. because you care , and you’re asking which means you feel safe enough to speak on it . which is a very good sign , remember intrusive thoughts are the opposite of your morals
i’ve unfortunately fallen into the cycle of trying to figure out my thoughts and find answers as to why i feel so distressed. this still pertains to the situation regarding changing my room for those reading who have seen my multiple posts over the last few days. i’ve been so distressed and in so much panic about it. i’m also panicking over my other room looking so different from when i left it. it’s been making me feel crazy because to me there’s no reason for my anxiety to latch so hard onto something that seems so minuscule. i was thinking i was having anxiety over change, but it’s like symptoms of ocd too that’s making it really hard for me to let go. SO i started thinking maybe it was perfectionism ocd? i’ve realized over time that i do compulsions to where things have to feel “just right”, but i also do that with any environment i’m in. like it HAS to feel cozy to me and provide me comfort in order for me to feel at ease. and this change is causing me to panic because there’s something wrong that i can’t find an answer to. maybe the different colored carpet? but it’s also more than that it feels like. however, now it’s spreading into other areas of my house where i’ve always been fine in and possibly to just any area i’m in at all. hence why it’s making me feel crazy because there’s no reason for me to be THIS distressed over that as i’ve never really had this problem before. and when i did it would last maybe an hour to a couple of days at most, but this has been going for over 2 weeks with my really bad anxiety being this week. i’m doing a little better, but it’s still hard when i can feel that panic waiting for me to acknowledge and just engulf me in the ocd cycle. i’m also analyzing basically any feeling i have so i just feel off in general and like i’m going insane. i’ve been so hyper focused on how i feel and that will send me spiraling too. multiple themes then start coming in like existential ocd and fear of solipsism. not to mention my harm and contamination ocd that just adds on when i’m this vulnerable. then i worry if no one is real, then no one feels the way i do. or just in general that what if no one feels the way i do. honestly, i think being out of college and in my house with nothing to do is causing me too much time with my thoughts. which is why i’m so distressed about everything that pops into my brain.
anybody else deal with this?😔
i want to get out of this dream like state, i haven't felt real in weeks, can anyone tell me how you got help?
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