i need help/harm ocd

Hi guys! I’m new to the community and I’ve recently received my OCD diagnosis (tho I’ve known about it since childhood). I’ve been somewhat spiraling lately as I wait for my first ERP session (hooray!) I was just wondering if any of you guys have received ERP for existential OCD and if it was successful? My existential OCD compulsions are more so mental and have been affecting me in the sense of dream/memory flashbacks and giving me a sort of “uncanny” feeling about everything around me. Any advice is appreciated! Thank you❤️

I think when people are saying OCD is egodystonic is really triggering me and I was just wondering if this has happened to anyone else? I’m going through a really bad relapse and right now I’m trying to figure out if my thoughts are truly egodystonic, like I how do I know I won’t act on them, how can I trust my emotions and everything. I feel really confused and I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore or how I carry on with life because it’s so long and I’m so unsure of everything that’s going on in my head. Like how do I know that this is OCD and true desires/urges. I’m so confused.

harm ocd is the bane of my existence. people always tell me that if you have anxiety over a thought, that’s ocd. and these intrusive thoughts cause me IMMENSE anxiety. i’m constantly looking for reasons why i’m not what these thoughts tell me i am. but WHY DOES IT FEEL SO REAL?? it’s like i can’t reassure myself that this isn’t me and i don’t want to do it, but i also look for reasons why it’s not me. my brain is constantly telling me “if you don’t act on this, you’ll never feel free”. WHAT EVEN IS THAT?? and why does it feel real?? anytime i think about getting therapy, i constantly think that it’s not going to help me positively but help me realize i am this person. i just wish someone with harm ocd could get into my brain, understand me, and tell me everything will be okay. i wish someone in recovery could tell me that they’ve been where i am, felt the same feelings, thought the same thoughts, and got through it when they thought they wouldn’t. i feel like i’m drowning in it. another thing is i think about how my mom knows a surface level understanding to this form of my ocd, but if she knew it all, i’m scared she’d never look at me the same. i’m scared she’d be scared of me and think i need psychiatric help. IM TERRIFIED.