Anonymous987

Date posted: 2y

Intrusive thoughts

I’ve heard people say the thoughts don’t always come as a what if but can they come in the form of “I want to” “I should..” “they should” “I’m going to” this is the most I’ve ever struggled with harm ocd because of the way the thoughts are presenting and it’s making me think I actually want to do these horrible things that I would never do or think in the past, like ever. My mind is constantly telling me I’m lying to myself and everyone and it’s just a matter of time. Please anyone who’s experienced this and what helped you. I’m so scared to say maybe or yeah ocd you’re right like I would with other intrusive thoughts because these seem so dangerous and dark. I won’t look at people license plates because I’m scared I will follow them home and hurt them 😔 I just don’t want to be this way anymore. I want my mind back.

Catlove9

Date posted: 2y

I cannot stress enough how much I am relating to this right now. Right now it almost feels like I’ve resolved to doing these horrible things. Like I actually want to. Like it’s a good idea or something. It makes me sick.

Anonymous987

Date posted: 2y

@Catlove9 I’m so sorry you’re going through this to. It’s just sickening. I won’t let myself eat because I don’t think I deserve to. The thoughts are CONSTANT. No matter what I’m doing, watching etc. if I scroll social media I’m constantly checking my emotions like do I actually feel bad for that story etc. it’s awful I knew myself so well before this relapse and now I feel like I don’t. When they ask if I have a plan I’m like no because I don’t but my mind immediately goes are you sure?! Like wtf.

Catlove9

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous987 Yes exactly. Or then my rumination makes me think of a plan and then I get even more scared. This is the worst my harm ocd has ever been. And it keeps feeling like I’m about to act on it at any moment. I try to stay in the present, but then my ocd will go “well you could be hurting someone in the present moment.” It’s vicious.

Anonymous987

Date posted: 2y

@Catlove9 Or when they ask if you have desire or intention I immediately panic because I’m like NO, but my mind is saying I do even though I don’t want that. I don’t want these thoughts at all.

Catlove9

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous987 That’s exactly how I feel. I’m getting even more scared because it just doesn’t feel like OCD anymore.

Anonymous987

Date posted: 2y

@Catlove9 Like you just woke up one day evil all of the sudden? That’s how I feel. Are you on meds? If you don’t want to answer that’s fine.

Catlove9

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous987 That’s exactly how I feel. I’m not on meds at the moment. I was on Prozac but I didn’t feel like it did anything for me.

Anonymous987

Date posted: 2y

@Catlove9 I’m on meds and still can’t get through this so you’re stronger than me!!

Catlove9

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous987 I don’t feel strong! I feel like at any minute I’m going to snap! Hahah

Anonymous987

Date posted: 2y

@Catlove9 I feel that. Ocd really takes ahold of your entire life and turns it upside down.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

Yes to this. You aren’t alone.

Anonymous987

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Your thoughts come out the same way? I kinda feel like it’s ocds latest trick because if they were all what ifs I could be like yeah no…but this way it’s so hard!

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous987 Mine can even come like “you will do this in the future” and it freaks me out like am i going to give in one day. It’s awful.

Catlove9

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Mine does this as well. Like it’s inevitable I will hurt someone.

Anonymous987

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Yes or like “you’re going to go home and hurt your husband or cat” I always get a spike of anxiety right before I leave work to go home to them.

Catlove9

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous987 Sometimes when I leave a place, I get these feelings like I have to back and hurt someone. It’s terrifying.

Anonymous987

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous987 Do you get thoughts like “you actually like these things and enjoy them” “you want to go to prison” etc.???

Catlove9

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous987 Omg yes! I get these. And it makes me so upset. Like today it’s been “you really want to do these things so just go do it.”

Anonymous987

Date posted: 2y

@Catlove9 Okay I’m so glad I made this post you guys have made me feel so validated. Thank you!

Catlove9

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous987 I’m glad you made it too because I am really struggling and I’ve been feeling like there’s no way this is OCD but this has helped me see it is.

Nica

Date posted: 2y

OCD’s intrusive thoughts can be anything.

Tsm95

Date posted: 2y

Laugh at it as in, “hah as if I’ll ever do that”or “hah yeah right that’s a lie” being bold and confident in myself made such a huge difference, cause once you remember who you are and the fact that these thoughts scare you Bc that’s NOT who you are, you take control instead of it controlling you into fear

Catlove9

Date posted: 2y

Something else I wanted to ask everyone. I know we are supposed to sit with the thought/feeling/urge. But do you find it’s super hard to do that when it feels like you are about to go do something awful? Like I try to go about my day but it feels impossible.

Tsm95

Date posted: 2y

When I was really bad, I literally had intrusive thoughts of “I’m gonna kick her ass” and “im gonna kill her” and im the LEAST violent person I know, but that, prayer, and remembering that these thoughts are not mine, is what got me thru

Tsm95

Date posted: 2y

Remember who you really are, and you’ll start to actually LAUGH at intrusive thoughts, be more confident and bold to, it really helps

Anonymous987

Date posted: 2y

@Tsm95 I would feel horrible laughing at these kinds of thoughts though like actually like a soulless human, which is exactly what I’m scared of being.

lu22

Date posted: 24w

Harm ocd come back

Suddenly I started ruminating again but I no longer get bad anxiety over the thoughts but it feels like the ‘urges’ are still there and it’s making it seem more real that these are true. Why am I having urges without the anxiety or it’s weird like i don’t even know when im anxious maybe i got use to the feeling of being anxious but it feels too real and I get these weird thought that are like ‘imagine you was evil anyways’ or ‘imagine you want to be but your in denial’ or the worst makes it feel like you would like acting on the thoughts even if you choose not to do it and it feels really real. The thoughts are about stabbing and it felt so real and I started imaging it on purpose to ‘test’ myself but it doesn’t ever feel like I hate it enough or don’t want it like I feel numb to everything and it feels really real like I want it or do want to do it but I’m just choosing not to and it’s scary but I use to get so much anxiety over this and now nothing now it feels like I don’t even feel like I ‘hate’ it or I should know that I don’t want to do that? Instead of sitting there experimenting with the thoughts to see. I want it to feel like I don’t want it and don’t like it I constantly feel like I’m lying about not wanting this, but it’s concerning me a lot because it feels so real that I like it or want it and there was one point where it felt like it was about to happen and that I wanted it and now that’s made me think there is something wrong with me or that I want to give in to it 🙁 please I don’t belive anything I don’t even belive I am sad it feels so real that it was about to happen or I wanted it and I don’t know what to do I was fine before and suddenly I started ruminating and now this

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I really need advice harm ocd

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

Dreamydream

Date posted: 20w

Question please

Can harm ocd thoughts appear like “i want” or “im going to” someone please lmk if they experienced this 😣

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