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Username: SL1K

Date posted: 1y ago

PLEASE . Someone PLEASE respond to this. Please.

Sexual theme ocd sucks. I’m 15. So. When my ocd first started back in 2022 near July. This was about 4-5 months into dating my current gf. So my ocd first started because of a false memory saying “what if I ever did something very bad that hurt someone as a kid.” And this carried on for months and months. Anyway in the middle of dealing with that obsession. My gf insisted she NEEDED to know what the thought wasn’t. So she listed some things. And she listed the theme or topic that my false memory was about. And I didn’t respond for a min and she said “that’s scaring me” and I lied and I said “no my ocd isnt about that topic or theme” and we haven’t talked about that obsession since. Since that point. Ever since I lied. I feel guilty. Every single week. Guilt comes over me. I feel like a horrible person and I don’t know what to do. Do I just carry on? I was so scared and she wouldn’t have understood it’s JUST ocd. She wouldn’t have understood and she would have treated me different. And I was terrified because she didn’t understand ocd well so I lied. I’ve told my bestfriend about what the false memory was about. And for months he even tried to convince me that it is a false memo ry. But no matter what I would always say “but what if..” he knows I lied to my gf about the false thought and he just said it’s okay, i was scared and I lied. And a thought is just a thought. I even asked the PERSON that my false memory was about if I ever hurt them or did anything bad ever when I was a kid. And over 5 times they promised me of course I never hurt them or anything. I don’t know what to do I don’t want to tell my gf the false thought that I had so long ago. But I lied so I don’t know if it’s NEEDED to tell her. I don’t know if keeping it from her is bad or not. Do I just move forward and be happy in my relationship. I feel like I don’t deserve this happiness nor love because of the lie I’ve said. I feel like if she knew she’d stop loving me. Or breakup. Or anything. And I don’t know if it’s so wrong that I lied and that I’m keeping this from her. Please someone tell me I’m okay. Please someone tell me if I deserve to stay in this relationship. Or if I should just tell her I lied and accept anything that comes. Sometimes I feel like I should breakup because I lied and I don’t want to cause her pain. I’m f*cking struggling I really need help

Username: lildedsosalildedsosa

Date posted: 1y ago

You asked the person wether it happened or not and they said no. Believing it to be true is as rational as believing me If I were to tell you that you and I were on the moon yesterday but you just don’t remember it. Both your memory and my memory of us being on the moon cannot be proven to be false nor true with 100% certainty. you must accept uncertainty for the memory you’re struggling with, it’s the only way

Username: TakeBackYourLifeTakeBackYour...

Date posted: 1y ago

I can’t offer reassurance, but I can promise you that you can get through this. OCD can target anything, and I mean ANYTHING. Keep pushing through, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I promise.

Username: SL1KSL1K

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous Could you please answer some of the things I’ve said. Do you think I deserve this relationship? Should I keep going I. This relationship? Do I say something? Or do I move forward and continue to love my gf and don’t look back?

Username: Mamabug34 Mamabug34

Date posted: 1y ago

@help. Hey there, I can see you’re really upset about this. Unfortunately we are not licensed therapists and or medical professionals and therefore can’t tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. We can offer support however along your journey. Have you reached out to one of the NOCD therapist here on the app? I think that might be a really good first step to gain some clarity on things.

Username: SL1KSL1K

Date posted: 1y ago

@Mamabug34 But am I a bad person for still being in the relationship? Am I bad for lying? Do I just move past even tho I lied about my horrible false memory

Username: SL1KSL1K

Date posted: 1y ago

@help. Please help me

Username: Mamabug34 Mamabug34

Date posted: 1y ago

@help. You’re not a bad person. You’re having a hard time. We’ve all lied and done things we aren’t proud of but it doesn’t make you a bad person. We usually lie because we are scared. ❤️

Username: SL1KSL1K

Date posted: 1y ago

@Mamabug34 Do I move forward and don’t look back? Thank you btw. Do I do erp also. Self erp

Username: Mamabug34 Mamabug34

Date posted: 1y ago

@help. I think the next step is moving forward with erp with a licensed professional.

Username: SL1KSL1K

Date posted: 1y ago

@Mamabug34 I’m working with a therapist rn. But I can’t open up to them because I’m uncomfortable still. I an am currently finding self treating is better then my therapist currently. Do I move forward form this?

Username: ROCDmenschROCDmensch

Date posted: 1y ago

@help. I think it's very important to open up. Your therapist is there to help you, they won't judge you and they are happy to help. Give yourself time to open up. Also keep in mind that self therapy is much harder especially since you don't have the training that a therapist has had.

Username: SL1KSL1K

Date posted: 1y ago

@ROCDmensch Thank you. I don’t know if I deserve to move forward/ pretend to be normal I don’t know if I deserve her love. I don’t know anything because of this. Please tell me your opinion on this pls

Username: ROCDmenschROCDmensch

Date posted: 1y ago

@help. Every human deserves to get help. You don't have to earn you "deservance". My I ask if you are a very religious person? I think it can help a lot to write down why you think you don't deserve something. That will tell you something about your core beliefs about yourself. Those can be things like "I'm a bad person" "I'm always false" "I am not allowed to make mistakes" etc. And then take this to therapy with you and talk about it. Try to remember when this first came into your mind because most likely someone told you that as a child or there were moments in your life were you concluded these things falsely. Just like every other person you deserve to get treatment and love.

Username: SL1KSL1K

Date posted: 1y ago

@ROCDmensch But I lied to my lover.

Username: ROCDmenschROCDmensch

Date posted: 1y ago

@help. Yes, and as I said. Everyone lies once in a while. Its the way you respond to this situation like it's a bout life and death. But it's actually "just" a lie and your brain is making it up to be a big thing because of OCD. So allow yourself to let go. You can tell yourself that you don't have to figure it out right now. Nothing bad will happen. It's just OCD giving you urges to confess something you judge as horrible/inexcusable even though it's something human and normal.

Username: SL1KSL1K

Date posted: 1y ago

@ROCDmensch Thank you so much.

Username: ROCDmenschROCDmensch

Date posted: 1y ago

Hey, being 15 and having such horrible guilt and shame around OCD themes sounds very hard. You are still very young and I think you really need to talk to a person you trust in real life thats an adult. Because I think you would really benefit from therapy that tackles your underlying beliefs. Your thinking is black and white. There are good and bad people, good and bad thoughts, actions etc. This is one perspective on the world but it's not necessarily the truth. Keep in mind that this feeling of urgency, of needing to know or act immediately, is part of OCD. And the more attention you pay this urge, the more you signal the brain that this topic is important and you need to figure it out. So it will be in your mind constantly as well as the anxiety surrounding it. So you have to tell you OCD "i know you are there. But you are not me, and I won't do what you say. Maybe you are right and I'm a horrible person. Maybe not. I don't have to figure it out and I accept myself regardless." I highly recommend you to watch some videos on self acceptance and chronic guilt on the OCD recovery channel on YouTube. They have some really good explanations of all types of OCD themes and it helped me very much in my journey. Lastly I want to tell you that there is hope and that you will get through this. Everyone thinks they are the exception but actually once you start with the right treatment, you will notice that you can do it.

Username: SL1KSL1K

Date posted: 1y ago

@ROCDmensch Thank you. Could you please give me your personal opinion on if I should just do erp and move forward or if i genuinely need to tell her what my false memory was so long ago. I’m genuinely breaking down over this and I don’t feel like I can progress in life or have a good relationship since I lied about it.

Username: ROCDmenschROCDmensch

Date posted: 1y ago

@help. I don't want to give you reassurance about what you did. But what I can tell you is that you will 100% benefit from erp. Because the thoughts that are tormenting you are part of your OCD. So is your feeling of breaking down and your urge to do something about this lie. It's your core belief that if you lie you are a horrible person, you deserve nothing etc. But that is not necessarily the truth. People lie everyday and don't even care. And they are not bad people. There is no such thing as good and bad people. People make mistakes and so do you. That doesn't make you worthless of love. You have to keep that in mind. That you are deserving of love and also of self love. Your mind circling around your false memory won't change anything. Your worth is the same. To me it sounds like you have an urge to confess. This ritual is part of you trying to neutralise your anxiety. But rituals don't help OCD. They make it worse. So what you need to do is stop the ritual and stop asking yourself whether this is OCD or not. It is. You don't have to do anything about it though

Username: SL1KSL1K

Date posted: 1y ago

Am I a bad person for lying and staying with her. What do I do. I cant open up to her about this because I’m 15 and I’m worried she’ll think my false memory isn’t false she’ll tell people stuff. I’m so scared. We’ve been dating for nearly 12 months now. And I don’t know what to do. Someone help.

Username: SL1KSL1K

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m struggling so bad

Username: Anonymous444444

Date posted: 2y ago

What should I tell her?

I know we can't ask for reassurance, but I need some opinions from others who understand OCD :( When my gf and I had just gone official, I had another friend who I was close with that I think had feelings for me. When I was drunk one night I called her after she left to pick me up and go to her apartment. My friend told me it was just to keep drinking because my roommate had gone to sleep in the living room, but I was so drunk I can't fully remember and feel I was making the call to fool around. Another time a few weeks later we squeezed hands while very drunk again. I've since stopped drinking and hanging out with this person, and even told my gf what happened. However I didn't go into detail about the fact that I think I might have been trying to cheat or had slightly developed feelings, just told her I felt like I had cheated by making that call at all. She took it really well but I don't feel she understands the severity, and thinks it was mostly the other girl making advances. It scares me so much because I did kiss another girl during my previous relationship yeears ago in college (my current gf doesn't know about this), so I'm scared I'm doing bad again. I feel like I need to confess and fully explain what exactly I'm worried about, and that I think the only thing that stopped me from actually cheating is that she didn't pick me up, but at this point I'm not sure if that's a compulsion or not. How do I know? Do I just confess again? I've confessed multiple times to her and it's def put a strain on things :(

Username: aneyh

Date posted: 47w ago

How do you deal with confession urges?

I have a really awful event. One that required a lot of non-OCD related confessions to my gf. It happened 4 years ago. I don’t really consider any of my thoughts around this event to be OCD related, because it was actually THAT BAD, and I actually should feel the things I’m feeling. The problem that keeps coming up is my urge to confess more details. The thing I did wasn’t one event, but a series of awful events. My girlfriend doesn’t want to know anymore details. She says no matter how bad it is, she doesn’t want to know anymore. I keep getting memories of details that I’m worried would end our relationship if she knew. I’ve confessed so many awful details and she hasn’t left me yet, but there are so many genuinely terrible things that I thought, felt, intended, and acted on. With the thought that revealing a detail could end my relationship, how am I not supposed to confess? I feel like I am tricking her and she doesn’t understand the full extent of my depravity. When she looks at me with love I feel sick and unworthy. She doesn’t want me to confess anymore, my therapist doesn’t want me to confess anymore, and these memories are just sitting in my head, eating away at my soul. I feel so alone. I feel like most of you can probably guess the nature of what I did and might not appreciate me posting about it here. I’m sorry, I just need someone to talk to…

Real Events OCD

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 47w ago

Told my girlfriend, and I sorta regret it.

Hey guys, so these past 4 months I had a sudden onset of OCD after a concussion. It first started with HOCD which was super distressing as I’ve been in a 9 year relationship with my girlfriend. It then evolved into transgender OCD, which was horrible as well but it felt easier to disprove my intrusive thoughts. That and of course horrible health anxiety about my head. And it’s funny, as soon as I got comfortable with one topic, the OCD would jump to another. Basically over time I accepted all these negative thoughts about all these topics, so where does my mind go? I had a physical groinal response to an image of an underage person. It freaked me out so much that all day I was obsessing over it, I eventually told my girlfriend as she’s been supportive with me over the other topics. But this…. She’s angry with me, and doesn’t trust me anymore. And she doesn’t understand the groinal response. She did ask to sit in a therapy session with me to help her understand. But that’s about all the communication I’ve gotten from her. I feel so alone. And it’s literally ruining everything I’ve built up with her for the past 9 years. I wish I hadn’t told her. And instead just asked her to join a therapy session with me. Just making this post as I just need someone to talk to.

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