- Username
- SL1K
- Date posted
- 1y ago
PLEASE . Someone PLEASE respond to this. Please.
Sexual theme ocd sucks. I’m 15. So. When my ocd first started back in 2022 near July. This was about 4-5 months into dating my current gf. So my ocd first started because of a false memory saying “what if I ever did something very bad that hurt someone as a kid.” And this carried on for months and months. Anyway in the middle of dealing with that obsession. My gf insisted she NEEDED to know what the thought wasn’t. So she listed some things. And she listed the theme or topic that my false memory was about. And I didn’t respond for a min and she said “that’s scaring me” and I lied and I said “no my ocd isnt about that topic or theme” and we haven’t talked about that obsession since. Since that point. Ever since I lied. I feel guilty. Every single week. Guilt comes over me. I feel like a horrible person and I don’t know what to do. Do I just carry on? I was so scared and she wouldn’t have understood it’s JUST ocd. She wouldn’t have understood and she would have treated me different. And I was terrified because she didn’t understand ocd well so I lied. I’ve told my bestfriend about what the false memory was about. And for months he even tried to convince me that it is a false memo ry. But no matter what I would always say “but what if..” he knows I lied to my gf about the false thought and he just said it’s okay, i was scared and I lied. And a thought is just a thought. I even asked the PERSON that my false memory was about if I ever hurt them or did anything bad ever when I was a kid. And over 5 times they promised me of course I never hurt them or anything. I don’t know what to do I don’t want to tell my gf the false thought that I had so long ago. But I lied so I don’t know if it’s NEEDED to tell her. I don’t know if keeping it from her is bad or not. Do I just move forward and be happy in my relationship. I feel like I don’t deserve this happiness nor love because of the lie I’ve said. I feel like if she knew she’d stop loving me. Or breakup. Or anything. And I don’t know if it’s so wrong that I lied and that I’m keeping this from her. Please someone tell me I’m okay. Please someone tell me if I deserve to stay in this relationship. Or if I should just tell her I lied and accept anything that comes. Sometimes I feel like I should breakup because I lied and I don’t want to cause her pain. I’m f*cking struggling I really need help