"I don't believe I deserve good things"

Does anyone struggle with feeling like when something good happens in your life, or your excited about an accomplishment that you feel undeserving of it? You feel excited or happy about something then the intrusive thoughts come back saying "no you aren't a good person so you don't deserve to feel good" almost? I am really struggling with this bc once it sets in, it prevents me from moving forward and continuing the thing that was making me happy bc I don't truly believe I deserve good things. Any helpful tips to come out of this? I'm working with positive affirmations reminding myself "you are a good person with a loving heart" but it's like I'm lying to myself when I say them.

MB7714

Date posted: 2y

I also struggle with this, you’re not alone! The positive affirmations feels like a compulsion to me so I try to stay away from those when the intrusive thought pops up. I try to just sit with the thought and press into the uncertainty (this is a new technique I’m learning in therapy) of “maybe i do deserve good things, maybe I don’t.” The trick is to remember it’s only a thought and just bc you’re thinking it doesn’t make it true. It doesn’t have to hold power but we have to treat it like it’s not a threat by not doing anything about it (telling myself “I do deserve good things” is fighting it & responding out of fear, at least for me!) We know the truth is we DO deserve good things but we’re so afraid we don’t that the very thought causes a visceral reaction. For me, I’ve learned desensitizing myself is key. Sometimes the distress gets worse before it gets better but it eventually moves along and I return to the present I’m super new at this but my distress is starting to come down a little bit when the thought pops into my head

MyLifeIsOCD

Date posted: 2y

Im also confused whether or not positive affirmations are a compulsion. Im also working on my self image. Im scared that just accepting the thought: "i might not deserve it", will reduce my self image. I feel like i gotta tell myself why i do deserve it. But... Im scared this will make my OCD worse

MB7714

Date posted: 2y

@Day23 I asked my therapist the exact same thing. If I accept “I’m a bad person” for example, won’t that diminish my self worth? He explained that letting the thought come and not fighting it makes it lose significance altogether. Our alert center / fight or flight is going off in our brain and we reinforce there’s a threat when we do something about it (try to convince ourselves we actually are good by mental review, reassurance, etc). But when we don’t fight it and just let it come and actually say “so what if it’s true?” Then our brain will recognize we’re not responding to the threat and won’t see it as a danger anymore. Once that happens our rational brain kicks in and we see the reality / truth of the situation - we do deserve good things. I’m still processing it but it’s helpful to see you had the same thought process as me!

MyLifeIsOCD

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Thank you so much for sharing this! This is incredibly helpful to me, since Im struggling with moral OCD! If I am correct, you mean: we can accept the thought that we might be a bad person, we should not argue with it and proof or reassure ourselves that we are a good person. But after a while, when the anxiety has calmed down, we can tell ourselves we are okay and good enough and use positive affirmations?

MB7714

Date posted: 2y

@Day23 Of course I’m happy to share as I’m learning too :) I think the goal after the anxiety comes back down is to return to the present. In terms of positive affirmations - my understanding is that it’s most helpful for them to be done outside of our ocd exposure process. But tbh I might need to ask my therapist more about the role of positive self talk/self soothing. I just know for me they can quickly become a compulsion so I personally do my positive affirmations in the morning when I’m a little more clear minded and to make sure I’m not in an ocd spiral.

MB7714

Date posted: 2y

@Day23 But I think it’s also important to note exposure isn’t done perfectly and idk if I’ve done one yet where I haven’t slipped up and told myself something to try to make myself feel better. Progress is still happening and it’s probably never going to be seamless // self compassion is key too :)

MyLifeIsOCD

Date posted: 2y

@MB7714 Thank you so much! I totally understand what you mean, its hard and I also feel like positive affirmations are compulsions often! The positive affirmations shouldnt be done on purpose for OCD's reasons or just to calm our anxiety, like you described! 😊

MyLifeIsOCD

Date posted: 2y

Struggling with this aswell... :(

anxiousmollusk

Date posted: 2y

Yeah, I think I’ve struggled with this longer than I’ve recognized. I get suspicious when things go well.

Anon>:

Date posted: 2y

Yes, whenever I want to do something I enjoy my brain tells me I’ve made too many mistakes and don’t deserve this enjoyment. I

flyana

Date posted: 23w

Where did my confidence go?

I am struggling to feel like I deserve any of the confidence I used to have. I’ve done a lot of pretty cool stuff in my life, and I used to think it was impressive. I was so proud, and I would light up when others gave me compliments. Now, it feels like all a lie, and I can’t stop thinking everyone would hate me if they knew the terrible things I’ve thought or said or done. I make art, for example, and I’ve had a lot of success with it. But now, I feel like others would troll me or destroy my work, and then tell everyone that anything I touch is trash. Basically, I fear being bullied for the mistakes of my past — or even just for my thoughts. My therapist keeps telling me I’m completely normal and I’m the only one beating myself up, but my OCD says, “No, she’s wrong — you should stop pursuing your dreams and push away anyone who likes you, because they’ll all hate you eventually.” I know it’s ridiculous, but it feels so real. Anyone have advice for rebuilding confidence in the face of OCD?

pakafitness

Date posted: 23w

Reacquiring thoughts that I’m not worth anything.

In the past, I have struggled with my self esteem, it has gotten much better though! Exercise, and lifestyle changes have helped more than self medicating. But the thoughts still happen more often then I would like, usually triggered by an argument with my partner, when certain friends text her, or overthinking too much. I also sometimes feel like she will leave me or cheat. Even though we are open and honest with each other. How can I help control these thoughts?

OCD newbies

flyana

Date posted: 21w

oh my god, I'm struggling today

tw . . . . . . I don't want to trigger anyone, so please be warned before reading. I'm feeling pretty hopeless. I don't know if I deserve... anything. I've had two therapists now tell me I'm normal and I don't need to worry so much, but I find it hard to believe them. Just when I think I'm doing okay, thoughts flood back in. I feel like the world is better off without me in it and that others would agree if they weren't a paid therapist there to give me reassurance. I'm tempted to break up with my boyfriend because he doesn't deserve this. I want to pretend I'm okay for the sake of my parents. But if they passed away, I'm not sure I'd have much strength to live for myself. This feeling is pretty bad right now. Overwhelming. I have absolutely no love for myself. I can't even distract myself by watching TV or shows I love, because all I can think is, "Look at those people. They deserve to live and be happy, and I'm not one of them." Gah, this is bad. I'm an adult, and I feel like such a baby for feeling this way. How dramatic am I? How can other people have similar (if not worse) thoughts than me, and then still be ok with themselves? I miss the person I used to be. I miss feeling okay. I feel ok momentarily, but then it all comes crashing down. I can't stand it. All I want is for things to go back to how they used to be.

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