Harm ocd- anyone had similar thoughts/feelings?

I have a few questions/thoughts I want to know if anyone else is experiencing them. 1. Does anyone else’s head create scenarios of them being evil and in the scenario it seems like your actually bad and it even scares you by making it seem like ‘you enjoy’ doing that in the scenario? Like I saw this video of this dog and I had an intrusive thought about smothering and it felt like when I had that thought that I ‘liked the feeling of doing that action when I imagined it’ and I got worried by that and then my head proceeds to imagine a scenario where I’m alone with the dog and I ‘choose’ to be evil and I’m pulling a creepy smile and I’m actually evil and do that evil thing. But then that makes me worried that I’m actually evil and that in the future I will choose to act on the thoughts/urges because in that fact scenario I was evil, but I think my Brian made that up to scare me idk 🤷🏻‍♀️😞 2. Even when I cry and I’m sad or telling someone how stressed out a I am and feeling miserable, I keep feeling like maybe I’m faking being sad and I’m actually evil, or maybe I’m not actually sad and I don’t know if that’s because these evil people in these films/documentaries always pretend that their innocent or haven’t done it but they have, so now I’m suspicious of myself constantly thinking I’m faking my emotions or maybe I’m not actually sad. 3.being alone is a big issue for me, like being alone with a cat, or a person or anyone who is vulnerable is like alarm bells ringing. It feels like ‘evil mode activated’ i don’t know how to explain it but it feels like I’m in a horror movie or it just feels like foreboding or like there’s this evil vibe or I feel like I’m evil and it’s horrible and i usually get that feeling if someone mentions ‘you could go and stay with so and so/you could stay home alone’ or something like that, but it’s like when I’m alone it just feels terrible, like I’m evil can’t be trusted. 3. This is one of the scary ones for me but feeling like ‘I don’t even know why I’m not acting on the thoughts’ I’ve gotten use to having the thoughts so much and sometimes I have intrusive thoughts and they feel so incredibly real and like that condos ctually happen or feels like an urge and In that moment because I’m not getting anxiety I don’t even know WHY I’m not acting because still not sure whether I’m evil or not or I’m believing that I’m bad. 4. Whenever someone talks about the future or ‘my future’ I get anxiety or if I talk about the future or if I talk about something that makes me happy or when I’m being affectionate to my cat and calling him cute I suddenly stop in my tracks and start feeling like I don’t know maybe a sinking feeling or feeling down that I’m evil or something 5. I don’t even believe myself anymore. It spoke sometimes I will have an intrusive thought and I will flinch my head like ‘Urgh what is that’ or scrunch my nose (those are my reactions to not liking the thought’ but I don’t even believe those reactions anymore. Just not when writing this I had an intrusive thought about my cat and I shook my head as if to say ‘what the hell was that’ and then I didn’t believe that I was disgusted by the thought so then my head wants to have the thought again to check and then I end up reimagining the thought multiple times in a desperate effort to know that I don’t like it. I just don’t believe myself anymore but I have no energy to cry and be upset because I’ve been crying most of last night and the previous night

leafcr0nicals

Date posted: 2y

I RELATE TO EVERY SINGLE ONE. ocd is such a mood killer 😭!! but ocd is also the “doubting disease”, all of the things you say are about you doubting yourself, which is exactly what ocd wants you to do! 2 is all i think about when i cry. especially the face that is made when crying. (when i cry, my mouth is normally open and it feels like im smiling even though that is unlikely since i’m literally crying). i’m alone with my mother right now and i’m worried i might hurt her. same at night time when i’m going to sleep, i get the intrusive thought to kill my family members while sleeping, and it causes me to be afraid of getting out of my bed to do something. i relate to number 5 on a HUGE amount!! i tell myself, “i will never do this and i know i wont” but its starting to feel like i cant believe that anymore. ocd is truly a horrible thing, but we will get through this!! do you have a therapist right now?

Catlove9

Date posted: 2y

I relate to every single one.

jellybeans123

Date posted: 2y

i completely relate to these. one thing that helps me, is remembering that our compulsive/intrusive thoughts are our worst fears. the fact that you’re worried about it proves that you’re not a bad person.

lu22

Date posted: 23w

Harm ocd come back

Suddenly I started ruminating again but I no longer get bad anxiety over the thoughts but it feels like the ‘urges’ are still there and it’s making it seem more real that these are true. Why am I having urges without the anxiety or it’s weird like i don’t even know when im anxious maybe i got use to the feeling of being anxious but it feels too real and I get these weird thought that are like ‘imagine you was evil anyways’ or ‘imagine you want to be but your in denial’ or the worst makes it feel like you would like acting on the thoughts even if you choose not to do it and it feels really real. The thoughts are about stabbing and it felt so real and I started imaging it on purpose to ‘test’ myself but it doesn’t ever feel like I hate it enough or don’t want it like I feel numb to everything and it feels really real like I want it or do want to do it but I’m just choosing not to and it’s scary but I use to get so much anxiety over this and now nothing now it feels like I don’t even feel like I ‘hate’ it or I should know that I don’t want to do that? Instead of sitting there experimenting with the thoughts to see. I want it to feel like I don’t want it and don’t like it I constantly feel like I’m lying about not wanting this, but it’s concerning me a lot because it feels so real that I like it or want it and there was one point where it felt like it was about to happen and that I wanted it and now that’s made me think there is something wrong with me or that I want to give in to it 🙁 please I don’t belive anything I don’t even belive I am sad it feels so real that it was about to happen or I wanted it and I don’t know what to do I was fine before and suddenly I started ruminating and now this

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I really need advice harm ocd

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I want to talk to someone harm ocd, really 🙁

I’m out of energy my cod feels at its worst I actually feel like I’m bad and there is something wrong with me I feel numb I can’t cry or be anxious over anything and I don’t know what to do because I don’t feel normal now it feels like I’m bad. I had this stabbing thought which I after started deliberately imaging to test myself but instead it felt like I like the feeling and know how it feels to stab someone then I was getting this feeling that I liked it wanted it or would enjoy it and it felt extremely real like i wanted it because it would feel ‘good’ I cant explain it but it suddenly felt like I enjoy or want it almost like I wanted to feel the feeling of doing that bad thing because I ‘like it’ I have no energy I can’t get over that feeling because it now felt like I actually wanted it I don’t know what is going on I’m worrying now I will actually want that to know how it is or as if I’ve discovered what evil people like or why they enjoy it and now I’m so lost and confused and I feel numb I don’t even know if I want or don’t want it and people always say with ocd they feel like they want it but they know deep down it’s against their morals or they would never do that but it literally feels like I don’t know now and it felt like a real feeling that I thought there was something good or enjoyable about doing that thing and I’m concerned I’ve had ocd for 2/3 years now and I’ve gone through crying and being upset and all the different emotions of having it and now I’m experiencing this and worried if I’ve changed and what if I’m actually evil now or have come to like evil things from imagining it and I want to talk to someone I don’t know what to do the other day it felt really real that it was about to happen and that I wanted to and I was getting this sick feeling that I was happy or liked it. Please I need advice I can’t get over this and move on because it feels like it wasn’t ocd and that feeling still happens and how can I ignore it and even if I try to ignore it I can’t because it felt real that I liked it and now it feels like there’s no going back if it felt like I actually liked it 🙁🙁

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Harm ocd- anyone had similar thoughts/feelings?

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