lu22

Date posted: 2y

Seem to have made a step forward but doubting

So I’ve managed to stop myself from deliberately imagining the intrusive thoughts to test myself pretty much all day, but I’ve been feeling miserable all day and still feel like I’m evil and that it might be true that I like the feeling of acting on that evil thing and it’s really scary and horrible I just want to feel normal but now it feels like I’m actually evil and will eventually be evil. It feels like as long as I think about the thoughts I will want to do that or it will feel like I want to or would like the feeling of acting on it 😞 I’m genuinely believing I’m bad or like the feeling of doing that

Fightingocd

Date posted: 2y

Heyyy ! I’m in the same situation. Or I was for 4 months, I really went down the rabbit hole for something I know I’ve never done. I stopped my rumination and my compulsions and I feel so much better now because I think about it less, also starting doing things that I love again really helped me. 🫶🏼

lu22

Date posted: 2y

@Fightingocd It feels like I’m down a rabbit hole where Im worried I like the feeling of acting on that intrusive thought because the first time I ever deliberately imagining the thought I got anxiety but it felt like I like the feeling of imagining doing that action and it’s really scary I want to forget about it but I’m scared as well

Fightingocd

Date posted: 2y

@lu22 I know exactly which feeling you mean and I’ve been through the exact same thing so I really really understand you. But trust me, now I just focus on something else and I think about it so much less and it feels such like a relief

lu22

Date posted: 2y

@Fightingocd My head keeps scaring me with thoughts like ‘you like the feeling’ and the anxiety and intenseness makes it feel all too real 😞

Fightingocd

Date posted: 2y

@lu22 Yes I know what you mean, know that you’re not alone, it also really helped me to remind me that🥰

lu22

Date posted: 2y

@Fightingocd I keep feeling scared if it’s true that I like the feeling then what if I’m desperate to feel that feeling or do that and I’m worried I get a good feeling from imagining that it’s so scary 😞 I keep worrying I don’t hate it and would like the feeling of doing that or get some kind of satisfaction out of doing that since it feels like an urge it’s awful

Fightingocd

Date posted: 2y

@lu22 Yes trust me I exactly know what you’re talking about! I’m sure you’re gonna get better thoufh

lu22

Date posted: 2y

@Fightingocd I thought I was the only one and it’s been really scary, the thoughts are about smothering and worry about liking the feeling is so disgusting but it feels extremely real, I’ve applied for therapy I hope I can get over this

lu22

Date posted: 2y

@Fightingocd How can I help myself realise that the feeling isn’t true and that I don’t like the feeling of doing that and how can I forget about it and move on? Because every time my head wants to imagine things to check and reliving that horrible feeling and I don’t want to keep doing that

Fightingocd

Date posted: 2y

@lu22 For me I couldn’t until I focused on something else ! And when you focus on something else, the intrusive thoughts and feelings are not there anymore, you can do it !!

lu22

Date posted: 2y

@Fightingocd Hi there, I haven’t been deliberately imagining the thoughts as much, I’ve been trying to be positive despite feeling down because im still believing this but it’s like today I woke up and I noticed the pillows in my room and started deliberately imagining the thoughts again. Now im thinking If im actually not evil why do I keep wanting to re-imagine the thought and why do I keep wanting to experience that feeling where it feels like I ‘like the feeling of doing that’ surely I should hate that feeling? But I keep going looking for it, if I deliberately have the thought and that feeling where it feels like ‘I like the feeling’ doesn’t come I keep imagining it until it does come or until I get anxious but Idk if im doing that because im testing myself to see or if im doing that because I secretly like that feeling ?? I don’t want that to be the case, I keep feeling like I have to have the thoughts and I have to feel that feeling of ‘it feels like I like the feeling’ but I also have to feel anxious while im having that feeling or it feels like im evil, also when I was deliberately imagining the thoughts today for some reason I wasn’t getting that feeling of ‘liking it’ and I kept trying to imagine the thought the get that feeling, which I don’t understand why I would want to feel something I don’t want, and I’m not even worried or anxious while I’m testing myself?? Also while I was testing myself I kept feeling like I was about to laugh or smile and then I feel like I’m actually bad

lu22

Date posted: 2y

@Fightingocd So I don’t mind talking on instagram

lu22

Date posted: 2y

@Fightingocd But I just don’t get why I keep wanting to experience that feeling when I want it to go, before I thought it was to ‘check’ if I’m bad or not but now it feels like I’m doing that because maybe I secretly enjoy that feeling but it’s worrying me because I can’t tel if I hate it, and the fact that it feels like I like the feeling of doing that and now I’m not sure if i hate makes it worse. On one hand it feels like such a horrible feeling but at the same time feels like I like the feeling of doing that and it’s scary

FaithSheagren

Date posted: 25w

Intrusive thoughts about intrusive thoughts

Hi everyone. I’ve been doing therapy for about two months now and I would say it’s slowly helping me a lot. I explained to her the breathing techniques and “sitting in the anxiety for a bit” and I feel like those are helping. But then my therapist said “don’t sit in the thought because then you might act on it”. I don’t “sit in the thought” but rather i sit in the anxiety to comdition my brain into thinking it’s not a threat. But ever since yesterday, my therapy appointment, I’ve been really shooken up. Even though I don’t “sit in the thought” I feel like a bad person that she even had to bring it up even though I explained it wrong. I’m so upset I feel like I just took 3000 steps back from my progress and this little thing is really scaring me. Am I a bad person? I don’t want to act on any of my thoughts and it scares me so bad I hate living.

lu22

Date posted: 24w

Harm ocd come back

Suddenly I started ruminating again but I no longer get bad anxiety over the thoughts but it feels like the ‘urges’ are still there and it’s making it seem more real that these are true. Why am I having urges without the anxiety or it’s weird like i don’t even know when im anxious maybe i got use to the feeling of being anxious but it feels too real and I get these weird thought that are like ‘imagine you was evil anyways’ or ‘imagine you want to be but your in denial’ or the worst makes it feel like you would like acting on the thoughts even if you choose not to do it and it feels really real. The thoughts are about stabbing and it felt so real and I started imaging it on purpose to ‘test’ myself but it doesn’t ever feel like I hate it enough or don’t want it like I feel numb to everything and it feels really real like I want it or do want to do it but I’m just choosing not to and it’s scary but I use to get so much anxiety over this and now nothing now it feels like I don’t even feel like I ‘hate’ it or I should know that I don’t want to do that? Instead of sitting there experimenting with the thoughts to see. I want it to feel like I don’t want it and don’t like it I constantly feel like I’m lying about not wanting this, but it’s concerning me a lot because it feels so real that I like it or want it and there was one point where it felt like it was about to happen and that I wanted it and now that’s made me think there is something wrong with me or that I want to give in to it 🙁 please I don’t belive anything I don’t even belive I am sad it feels so real that it was about to happen or I wanted it and I don’t know what to do I was fine before and suddenly I started ruminating and now this

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I really need advice harm ocd

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

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Seem to have made a step forward but doubting

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