Harm ocd fighting back?

So terrifying

@Amandaarene I have been ruminating most of the day until finally exhausted (while trying to hold down full time job) I’ve collapsed into bed to try to escape for a while!

@jay71 Yes that's where I'm at right now too, trying to make it through work half crying because how could I have that kind of thought and mentally exhausted

@Amandaarene My therapist told me to ‘lean into the fear’ which I know sounds strange but it’s something I’m trying to work on.

@jay71 I think that's why my thoughts have gotten worse in some ways, I've been doing all the erp, backtalking ocd etc and I think this is the ocd fighting back

@Amandaarene Well i think we may be in the same track, as i was wondering if this was what was happening to me and also keeps switching themes 😭

@jay71 I feel like this has happend to as was feeling “okish” last week and this week has been worse then i ever felt before even at the start! Even though i know all information and advice feels like i dont knoe whats going on and it all true

@jay71 Yes I think we're right, mine switched themes briefly but I think because it didn't bother me as much it went back to my regularly awful theme.

@Amandaarene I often feel like totally helpless but think we have to keep reminding ourselves are thoughts are only thoughts and that everyone has them but we take them seriously 😒

@jay71 I agree, but that is so much easier said than done. How long have you been in therapy

@Amandaarene Just six weeks now. Amazing therapist and doing lots of ERP. Struggled since childhood but growing up in the 70’s never dare tell a soul 😥 finally told my husband in my thirties. Got official diagnosis just before Christmas 🙂

@jay71 I'm only on my 3rd session, I've been questioning a lot if this is actually ocd or am I faking and this is something else or if I'm really crazy.

@Amandaarene Honestly me too. I discussed this with my therapist and he said he wouldn’t reassure me which is good!

@jay71 I've asked too, logically I know uts icd but as soon as those fears creep in, or the what if you're actually just crazy thoughts start I'm down the rabbit whole

@Amandaarene I find OCD to be insatiable in its appetite to require answers, like just never ending. But as most of my compulsions are based around ruminations and seeking reassurance I have to try to work on not getting into it . This isn’t called the doubting disorder for nothing!

@jay71 I spend so much time ruminating it's not even funny