My Husband

Hello, My husband has moderate to severe OCD. He struggles with contamination, some checking, some tied to religion/prayer/confession and really bad intrusive thoughts. He has been diagnosed. As his wife, he often asks for reassurance. "Did you wash your hands with soap?" "Did you touch the trashcan?" Those are a few examples. How do I respond to these frequent questions in a healthy way? Any tips or pointers, because I only understand OCD very little.

Username: EstridEstrid

Date posted: 1y ago

I can recommend Jon Hershfileds book When a family member has OCD. If your partner have therapy you can ask to join once and discuss with the therapist how to respond. Reassutrance is abad tjing, because it feeds the OCD, but if you have been giving reassurance for long you cant stop cold turkey if your partner doesnt insist on doing that. Its important to work as a team and make an agreement otherwise the anxiety can be terrible.

Username: kayloukaylou

Date posted: 1y ago

hey, i struggle with OCD and i commonly ask my partner these questions. just be respectful with your answers and remember that you answers can affect your partner, if you respond negatively it can lead to a lot of anxiety and stress. perhaps try to reassure calmly and keep reassuring your partner because contamination OCD is reassurance based i’ve found from my personal struggles.

Username: JaneenJaneen

Date posted: 1y ago

I feel like when I am answered with annoyance in their voice then it does make me feel more guilty and shamed and causes me to feel much worse

Username: Erin PErin P

Date posted: 1y ago

I agree with Estrid’s suggestion of an agreement. At one point my husband and I agreed I could ask one question once for reassurance but no more than that. When I’d try asking it another way or differently, he’d say “I have answered you already. Given you reassurance will make you worse. I care enough to not reassure you more even though it’s hard for you.” In time we got to a point where he would say “I’m not going to reassure you”. I do not ask for reassurance anymore. It does help to be reminded to use ERP instead of reassurance.

Username: KillianKillian

User type: NOCD Alumni

Date posted: 1y ago

Props to you for wanting to lovingly support your partner! One important thing to know is that giving reassurance actually worsens OCD in the long run, since it is the “doubt”disorder. Even when we get reassurance from loved ones our mind isn’t content with the answer and will continue to ask “but what if…” to seek more and more certainty. This article has some specific responses you can use to avoid giving reassurance while still being loving and supportive, as well as a helpful video with some more info. https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/reassurance-seeking-ocd-anxiety-how-to-stop-cycle

Username: hello love

Date posted: 5y ago

My husband has contamination ocd and I try to be supportive and learn the most I can but he needs to take the lead and confront his anxiety. He tends to try to avoid and make his anxiety better with rituals. Even with professional help, he hasn’t consistently done ERP. I don’t know what to do anymore; it makes my general anxiety worse. At some point he needs to help himself. How does a person get to that point? Is there any other spouses of people with ocd out there?

Username: Pepperminta 🍬

Date posted: 2y ago

Advice on supporting a sweetheart with OCD please

Hello. I don't actually have OCD but my sweetheart has it very badly. He often isolates himself and rides it alone as he is a very independent man. I am looking for some advice anybody can give me in regards to supporting someone with OCD. What Do and Don't experiences have you had with partners? I am trying to find a balance of being caring and active but not overstepping bounderies and acting like a therapist🤍 All tidbits of advice really appreciated.

Username: athena17

Date posted: 1y ago

Partner of someone struggling

Hello, I do not have OCD but my boyfriend does. We’re both in our early 20s, we have been together for almost a year. I’m making this post seeking advice , thank you for taking the time to read. He’s always had issues obsessing over my past and asking me questions and things of that nature. I talk to him about it and answer when he wants to ask me stuff, but the problem is i don’t want to talk about these things because it’s really traumatic for me. He tends to obsess over my past romantic history which brings up bad feelings for me (SA, DV trauma etc) I want to help him but it’s VERY hard to stay patient when it’s triggering me. Every time he asks me about these things i either end up having a panic attack or getting so upset with him which ends up making him feel worse because he can’t control his obsessions and it’s a really hard cycle for both of us. I don’t understand much about OCD and it confuses me how one minute everything is fine and the next he is upset. and he hasn’t been diagnosed yet but is working on getting into therapy. He has his own trauma which i think is where this all stems from. But in the meantime I want to find better ways to help but also keep my own mental health in check. I’m willing to do whatever I can to help him with his issues. It’s also really isolating because it’s a difficult situation and i’m having difficulty finding anyone who relates and can help. Thank you for reading this. 🥺 And anyone who has advice would get greatly appreciated.

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