I know this is probably just my ocd but i always worry that because I like drinking I am or will turn into an alcoholic. Another thing is I prefer drinking at home because I don't want to worry about finding a way home when drunk, and I don't mind drinking alone either. I literally always worry about this and now I feel guilty when I drink at all

Hello all, I’ve dealt with various OCD themes and compulsions for pretty much as long as I can remember. In some periods of my life the thoughts and compulsions have been particularly severe, but I’ve also had years where I’m able to keep it under control. This has made me worry I don’t actually have OCD, especially because I haven’t been doing consistent therapy and my therapists have gone back and forth on whether I have OCD. In the past few years, I’ve struggled immensely with false memory ocd, and right now I’m going through probably the most severe episode of my life. I love my boyfriend with all my heart. A few times that I’ve gone out drinking I’ve had the thought before “what if I lost control and cheated tonight” and it’s bothered me severely. Two times before, it’s gotten to the point of convincing myself that because I talked to a man that meant I had cheated on my boyfriend and just couldn’t remember. It has never turned out to be true. About a month ago, I went out with friends and had too much to drink. I was really ashamed of myself the next morning, particularly because I always try to drink cautiously now that I know it can trigger my anxiety. I am ashamed to admit I do not remember the very end of the night getting in my uber and going home. I woke up anxious and extremely worried and immediately started off by worrying if I could have tried to kiss my friend and not remembered. I called him and was immediately reassured nothing had happened, I simply drank too much and went home at the end of the night. I started feeling better, but then remembered a moment I had been in the bathroom. I remembered chatting with people in line about how long the line was, and then being in the bathroom on my phone. I then felt like I remembered people knocking and saying to myself “that wasn’t that long” and leaving. There is nothing concrete that I remember that in any way indicates I cheated, and in fact I have texts with my boyfriend from the whole night telling him I loved him. My friend told me that the only time I was ever apart from him was about 5 minutes and that when he came back I was in the same exact spot he left me in. However, when I remembered being in the bathroom, I thought to myself “what if you cheated on him in the bathroom”/ “oh my god did you cheat on him in the bathroom” and then a series of images of me performing sexual acts popped into my head. I’ve poured over my memory and truly do not remember meeting anyone, talking to anyone, or even finding anyone attractive that night, but the fact that I was drinking makes me worried I’m just forgetting and these images could be real. I’ve been constantly ruminating on these fears for the past month, to the point that the only relief I feel is when I’m able to fall asleep. I’m a law student and it’s becoming extremely difficult to keep up with my classes. I’ve been google searching, asked chat gpt for advice, confessed my fears to my boyfriend, asked for reassurance from pretty much everyone in my life, and even emailed the bar asking for security footage (which I know all sounds insane). I’m a naturally guilty person and feel bad about small things, so I really don’t think I would be capable of cheating and then nonchalantly texting my boyfriend, but these images feel so real that it’s terrifying. I’ve also seen a lot about how I would “just know” and that begins to scare me because then I think “you do just know, you did it” even though I really don’t think I did. I know these posts are not supposed to be for reassurance seeking, I’m just so exhausted and feeling really depressed. I’m wondering if anyone has experienced something similar and has any advice. I’m also wondering if images can feel more real the more you ruminate on them or if it’s a sign of memory. Thank you so much for listening.

this weekend, i went out with some friends who were staying with me from out of town and i drank too much. because of my job and mental health i very proactively limit how much i drink but i got caught up in the fun of the moment and drank past my limit. this morning, i woke up to a message from my boss about a tragedy that happened in my community this past weekend. my mind is rapidly trying to draw connections between me drinking too much and this tragedy. my ocd is trying to convince me that i caused it while i was drinking and that i just don't remember it. anyone else experience things like this? i'm trying not to seek reassurance but it's getting difficult!

Does anybody else suffer from OCD due to finances? I always can’t help but feel if I buy a certain item it’ll be my downfall or spiraling of bad habits that’ll leave me broke. Even if it comes to wanting to plan a vacation I always feel like I can’t I need to save that money because something will happen. I’m unsure if I’m conflating these feelings with just life