Username: bmill64

Date posted: 1y ago

struggling

i haven’t been happy in months it feels like. and i feel like i never will. this sucks especially seeing that people will go through this for years. it hardly seems fair. hopefully they come up with some instant cure soon lol bc this ain’t it especially if it’s for the rest of my life. when i was a kid i felt like i had ocd but it was never this debilitating. i felt like this hit me all at once and now it’s the new normal. trying to date is a night mare because it feels like i’m trying to force the attraction but if i liked the same kind of people all my life why change now. i guess because i’ve had terrible dating experiences so far as in like the people i’ve chose have just been not good but i still had genuine feelings for these people. and i hunger for that old life back. did anyone ever get their attraction back after this if so how long did it take?

Username: Amber RAmber R

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Every time I’ve had an OCD spike, I’ve felt the same way you have; desperate to get back to how I felt + “who I was” before it happened. It’s hard to reconcile your current state of distress/uncertainty/anxiety with how we felt before. Because of how we feel now, we kinda look at how we felt “before” with a rose-colored lens. We still experienced uncertainty and anxiety before the OCD spike, it just didn’t bother us as much. We’re still the same person we were before, it’s just that our brains are in a bit of a panicked state. You will be happy again, you will feel like yourself again. It may feel hard or impossible to take your power back from OCD, but you can! Just because OCD is lifelong disorder doesn’t mean you will suffer forever. Some days are easier than others, but recovery is possible. I definitely recommend finding a therapist who specializes in treating OCD.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

@Amber R Did you ever recover?

Username: Lisa LeeLou Lisa LeeLou

User type: NOCD Alumni

Date posted: 1y ago

@bill Thank you for sharing what you are going through. I’m sorry to hear you are struggling. I think it’s great that you are so aware of your OCD and that you are planning to seek treatment. OCD can be very overwhelming. I can certainly relate to sometimes feeling like it’s not fair and it’s too much. Keep in mind OCD is the doubting disease, and loves to attach to the things that are important to us. therefore it is not surprising that it is interfering with your relationships. While there isn’t an instant cure, recovery is possible. Research shows ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) therapy works very well for OCD. It has been very helpful for me. With ERP you work on tolerating the obsessions without giving into the compulsions. Once you’re ready to start the therapy process, consider reaching out to the NOCD care team for a free consultation. I wish you all the best in your recovery journey.

Username: GregJGregJ

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Hi, I was exactly where you were. I truly believed I would never get better even after reading peoples success stories. But truly it is possible! Have you tried ERP or talked to a doctor? Those both helped me a lot. ERP is not an instant cure but you will definitely get a lot better over time. OCD is definitely not fair and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Luckily you have this community and ERP to get better! You can do this!

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

@ Did you ever take any medication?

Username: GregJGregJ

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous Yes I have and still do take medication. It took awhile to find the right one for me but I believe it was definitely worth it.

Username: Stacy QuickStacy Quick

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 1y ago

I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling. I hope you know that you are not in this alone. I have had OCD my whole life, I can say that with proper treatment it can be so much better. There is *so so much hope. It will not always feel the way that it does at this moment. You truly can go on to live a more fulfilling life.

Username: bmill64bmill64

Date posted: 1y ago

also i haven’t been diagnosed with ocd but i plan on going to a specialized therapist after i get out of basic training in the army. but i guess this will be a good time to stay off my phone as i’m always searching for answers on it and compulsively trying to seek assurance.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

@bmill64 what’s up man, i was also thinking about going to basic very soon and deal with similar thoughts. Have you seen a therapist about it and tried to get some help or understanding of it before going

Username: bmill64bmill64

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous no i just haven’t had the time but when i get out hopefully i can talk to someone or at-least come up with an action plan. so that i’m not white knuckling it. i also don’t have the money to do therapy every day so there’s that.

Username: bmill64bmill64

Date posted: 1y ago

@bmill64 i can’t imagine i’ll be very talkative during basic lol i feel like the thoughts have caused me to be weirded out about everything almost like i’m paranoid

Username: LowellTLowellT

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I understand how you feel. I’m 62 and I would say I had OCD since my 20’s. I had OCD spike way out of the ballpark 1 1/2 years ago. That is when I started with NOCD. I have been doing ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention). I was struggling through doing ERP about 10 months on different things then I realized “Hey. These things dong bother me as much”. Progress was slow and almost unnoticeable till I stopped and looked back to see how far I came. It helps me to know that OCD has only one weapon wand that is “doubt”. So stop the doubt we stop OCD. It is tough? Yes. Is it worth it? Absolutely. I still have bad hours or days. But the more we say “No” to OCD the less of a hold it will have on us. We all know your struggle. But I also know that you can say “No” to OCD. You can do this 👍.

Username: Iann

Date posted: 5y ago

So looks like I’ve hit a wall I haven’t hit ever with this ocd. If you can even call it ocd. I genuinely feel confused. Idk what’s real or not. Idk what my mind or body wants. I feel so stressed out. My thoughts don’t give me anxiety anymore and sometimes it genuinely feels like I want it and I’m just hiding it. I don’t get it. I even lost attraction to this girl I was madly interested in. I don’t know what to do anymore really. I see any dude and my mind automatically starts thinking “you’re attracted to him” literally every single guy I see. I’m not even kidding. I really don’t get what’s going on with me. I haven’t been diagnosed yet because there are no ocd specialists in my area. My mom told me once she thinks she has ocd and my aunt as well. But their ocd seems more like the “traditional” type of ocd where you can actually see their compulsions. I think I struggled from Religious ocd a few years back. Also with my ex girlfriend there was a period where I struggled with ROCD I believe but got over it. Now Hocd has definitely been the worst and what makes it worse is that I actually had a gay experience but even after that I didn’t question my sexuality. I maybe would get the ocasional “you’re gay” thought but wouldn’t pay it attention and it just went away. But now it just can’t leave my head. This has been going on since February. I used to be crazy for women, don’t know what’s wrong with me. I even had sex with the girl I really like about 2 weeks ago and really enjoyed it! But now my attraction for her seemingly disappeared out of nowhere when this hocd bull starts acting up again. I’m so tired of this.

Username: hocdgirlsummer

Date posted: 5y ago

All i ever wanted was a man. Now i cant even feel attracted to one. I wanna feel the attraction deeply again i want it to warm me up again and i want it to show me how beautiful life is again. I want it to glow up my days and give my life reason again. I feel like the woman jn me is killed. I wouldve never thought this would have so much impact. That it would kill my hapiness and that it would make everything grey and dull. I cant see the good in anything like this. I want to be the woman who i was supposed to be and not the one who’s blooming got interrupted by this and now feels like a dead flower instead of a blooming one. I was on my way to becoming the woman i wanted to be and who i was. I felt deepy who i wanted to be in life but i cant feel that as long as hocd is in me.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: PinkLotus

Date posted: 2y ago

When my soocd and rocd first hit hard, it really shattered my world and the kind of stability I had in life before the constant fear of losing the one I love. When I got my first job, I buried myself in the idea that I was too busy to deal with it anymore, it helped that I started school and got a pet hedgehog as well. But some nights it hits me that this hasn’t gone away at all, I don’t spend night after night or day after day stuck in the same thoughts anymore but I feel so cold inside like I’m not worth anything and like I don’t deserve the love and attraction I think I once felt for my sweet boyfriend. I feel like the fact that I can’t “feel” those feelings for him anymore that I’ve spent so long chasing means I don’t deserve him, I feel like even though the great anxiety has stopped I’m still trying to chase down that love feeling and how it “should” feel instead of just feeling it for what it is. I’m still terrified that if I let go of my walls that I’ll realize I don’t love him and lose him. It’s hurting me bad and making me resort to bad coping mechanisms. I’m starting to seek out validation again and craving that rush of infatuation when in reality the only one I want is my boyfriend. For almost a year and a half I obsessed about sexual attraction, it’s really affected my intimate life. I have self-esteem issues about my body, my “skills”, fear of not liking it enough and false expectations just all cause me to not feel much in my body and it makes me horribly sad. My boyfriend says I need to accept the possibility that the things I fear could be true and that I could be with someone else but it’s so hard because I really don’t want that but the longer I fight it the further away I feel from him. I didn’t think ocd could be this complex and cause such havoc on my life. I kind of miss when I felt extreme anxiety every day and had the same thoughts over and over because at least then it was easier to know it was my mind games at work. Now it just feels like I’m sabotaging myself daily by chasing the feelings of love I want. I don’t want to ruin this otherwise healthy relationship, my boyfriend is my best friend and I still want that. Can anyone relate to this? I feel like a lot of people just have the obsessiveness and I’m here trying to deal with the side effects of the after math and it makes me feel so alone

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