- Date posted
- 2y
OCD and friendship
I'm a girl interested in men and I've had a close female friend for about 10 years now When we were younger, we used to like exactly the same things and bond over them. I'm older than her, so I kinda took the role of the "older sister" - listening to her vent, help her find a school and so on Now she's sort of drifting away and having her own interests and stuff, while I feel like I'm stuck in place and with nowhere to go About a month ago my SOOCD started and I immidetaly started to think about her because we are/were besties. The thought that triggered it was "Jesus I'm acting with her like we're platonic lovers or something" Through this period I isolated myself from her and I'm morbidly scared that I've ruined a great friendship My OCD makes me think over and over about whether this is some kind of platonic/QPR type of relationship that I wasn't aware of my whole life or just a friendship I couldn't keep myself from googling and I think it may be closer to something platonic. The thing is that I don't want any platonic relationship with her or any girl. It affects my thinking about boys, because when I see a attractive guy my thoughts immidetaly jump to "what if you love your bestie and would ruin your boyfriend's life" I'm trying not to break my friendship so I write messages to her from time to time (before the SOOCD I used to do it literally 24/7) and I'm super anxious about the future. I can't write to her normally without any weird feelings now, and when I don't talk to her I'm afraid that I'm gonna lose her. I feel jealous when she goes out with other friends, everything reminds me of her somehow and I can't move on with my day I feel like I should end this because of all these thoughts. Or at least limit my contact with her to just make her one of my many friends. But I'm just so afraid of whatever may happen and what if I ruin a beautiful friendship? I'm writing this to vent, but also I wanna know if anybody had a similar experience and how it affected your life. Thank you in advance