Breakup advice

Anyone wanna talk about dealing with OCD, uncertainty, and anxiety after a breakup? Mine is specifically LGBT+ but all discussion is welcome! The last couple of months my OCD has been getting somewhat intense at some points during the day. I have already received treatment/therapy for OCD and I don't consider this most recent spike to be "bad". However, it's been causing me to dissociate a lot which interferes with me being connected to myself. Which, in turn, interferes with my connection with my partner, both emotionally and physically (sexually). I also have been struggling with not being able to regulate my emotions very well and I have a tendency to either shut her out when I'm overwhelmed, or just get upset and angry about everything, then I end up raising my voice. For 3 months, my partner has stuck by my side while I recognized these patterns and tried to figure out how to better cope with them and be better for her. A couple weeks ago, I decided I needed to go back to therapy. Not OCD treatment, just regular therapy. Just to overall better myself. 3 days ago, my partner wants to talk and, seemingly out of nowhere, tells me I can't work on myself if I'm in this relationship with her and that I need to let go and better myself as an individual. She then retracts her statement and says that it's not a "breakup", it's just a "pause" on us. And that she would ideally like to rebuild, but she doesn't have a plan or a timeline for when that would happen right now. We haven't talked in 3 days now, and I've had so many obsessive thoughts and panic attacks. Paired with so many other horrible things. I am finally now starting to regulate my emotions and look at this "pause" from a neutral standpoint (i.e. not preparing for and expecting the worst, but also not staying super "positive" and manifesting the best.) I am trying to accept the uncertainty of our relationship and recognize that no matter how much I try to analyze and ruminate, I don't know her final decision yet. But now after 3 days, I'm starting to feel better in this position. And now my brain is constantly telling me that I'm feeling better so quickly because I don't love her and I don't want to be with her. Any thoughts or advice?

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

The other part of this I'm really struggling with is that my best friend is a man, who has told me he is in love with me in the last month. I am a gay female and have always had female relationships. I see my relationship with him as strictly platonic. We are just super close and understand each other on a level that no one else does. The night after my breakup, I went out for drinks with him. We got super drunk, and I bawled my eyes out about not wanting to lose my partner. However, we had lots of friend cuddles. He held my hand and let me cry on him and it was nice to just feel comforted. It didn't mean anything to me in a romantic way and truthfully, I am very physically touchy when I'm drinking anyways. With any gender. But now my thoughts are A.) telling me I'm a horrible person for knowing that he's in love with me and leading him on by holding him/hugging him/holding his hand. And B.) they're telling me the reason I'm regulating my emotions so well just 3 days after this break from my partner, is because I want to be with him. I'm in no way against being with a guy! It's just never been a desire of mine. Physically, emotionally, sexually. It's just not there. But I do have an emotional connection with him that my OCD loves to hang over my head.

elliebee3

Date posted: 2y

Wow that sounds crazy. I think anyone even if they didn’t struggle with ocd would find your situation super difficult. I know that all of that would heighten my stress which heightens my ocd. I would find it frustrating that my partner decided we needed a break to better myself. I would feel like that should my decision. I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this situation. That sucks

MegMH

Date posted: 2y

Maybe welcome that feeling better so quickly as an indicator that your reconnecting with/centering yourself, outside of your relationship? That’s a positive that strengthens our relationships in the long run.

Gmoki

Date posted: 25w

Dealing with breakup pls help

Hi - I’ve made a series of posts about my situation over the past few weeks. My bf asked to take a break from our relationship through text the first week of April. We haven’t spoken since. There’s a lot of outward details to this but I’ll try to keep it as simple as possible. My ocd is telling me the worst of the worst. He left me with full uncertainty because he didn’t give me a reason, and his decision felt like it happened overnight and I’m still so confused. He’s never been in a relationship as serious as this before. I’m incredibly hurt and angry, and my emotions get worse on Saturday and Friday nights because that’s when his frat parties happen. I do ERP phrases but my stomach hurts and it’s churning so bad. I deactivated/deleted social media apps for now because it’s too much. I just wish this physical feeling would stop. Does anyone have tips?

Anonymous

Date posted: 22w

OCD around my breakup

My partner broke up with my about 10 months ago. It came out of nowhere, and I got no explanation before they ghosted me and blocked me on all forms of contact. I have been horribly struggling since then with this obsessive need for closure. For a while I continued to try to reach out to them, on my own accord or through other people, but it just kept ending with more blocking. For months, I was going through the relationship and the breakup in my head over and over, picking it apart to try and figure out what went wrong, but without a conversation with my ex, I couldn't get anywhere. I am definitely doing much better now. the compulsions to reach out to her and the spiral obsession with figuring out what went wrong have both lessened. but they are still present, especially when I sleep. I really just want to be rid of the whole situation, but i want to do it in a healthy way without locking up my feelings. i really am at such a loss though. i still want answers and i still miss my ex in a lot of ways, but at the same time, the though of running into them scares the shit out of me. ive heard some horrible things about them since then, and how they have been spreading rumors about me behind my back. the situation cant seem to get any worse and it just keep happening. and it makes my ocd triggers so much worse too. idk, i will take literally any responses and any helpful advice.

BC123

Date posted: 17w

Relationship OCD

I’m struggling a ton rn and would love some insight from people. My bf and I broke up bc my OCD got to the point where it was extremely damaging to my exes mental health. We’ve been on a break for the last 2 months while I get therapy and help and he wants to try again in August. We talk everyday and fall asleep on the phone but I’m miserable anxious about what he’s been doing during the break. My mind is flooded with the idea that he might follow new girls on Instagram or he flirting and talking to new girls. It’s KILLING me. I’ve made up an entire situation w no proof. And I’m scared it’s not my OCD talking but a gut feeling. I know we aren’t together but it’s not fair to emotionally invest in each other if he’s not being loyal like I am. I’m just losing my mind and need help honestly.

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