How long does it take to recover from betrayal? The guy I thought I was going to marry was emotionally abusing me hot and cold, resenting me from a drunk outburst I had. The behavior made me do some digging and found out he had a wife and 2 kids all along. His other ex who left him because of this sent me screenshots of him telling her I was maybe a rebound and he didn’t want to be alone and he loves her. Right before our breakup he was telling me he never loved anyone as much as me. Then he would randomly lash out and remember the past and want to break up. It’s a pattern that happened for months now. Despite everything, my self esteem is so down and I still love this guy. I know it’s over now but I’m still in denial and feel so alone and lost. I lost my job and got so dependent and attached to him and he flew me home to see my family. I found out while here and was going to go back to him in Dubai when the summer was over. A week has went by and I’m still depressed and crying. Even when he officially broke up he turned it around and blamed me for the past and said I held on and begged for nothing all this time. So all his I love yous were just fake. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I can never trust anyone again.

I don't think that we ever really recover we just fight through it like everything else. We have to tell ourselves that itxs possible that we can be betrayed again but it's worth it to love anyway and just fight through it each day.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, Jazz. This guy sounds like he could be a player. Maybe, maybe it. But, if you’re still so attached, and he did nice things for you, can you be friends? Maybe he wants to leave his wife. And it’s most likely that he did love you too. I don’t know the whole story. I went through something similar. I loved two men at the same time.

When I caught him and spoke to his wife and sister and other ex, he completely turned mean on me and said he was just with me out of sympathy because I had no job and he lost his feelings after some drunk night I had. But he even sent me home and was keeping up with Skype and telephone calls saying he loves and misses me and I’m the love of his life. He would be hot and cold with mood swings because he resented me for the past and he would say awful things like I’m with you out of sympathy and to leave him, then he would warm up again and be lovey dovey. He warns me now not to approach anyone because he’s afraid of me and my big mouth. He’s a pathological liar who lives a double life to not be exposed. He harasses the other ex because she never wronged him in his eyes she just found out he was married and left. I’m completely broken. He still manages to make me feel like a piece of crap. I feel so alone. It’s almost like I developed a trauma bond from the abusive relationship.

Yes, I would say that’s very traumatic. Can you get to a therapist? You can really feel better with a therapist. Mine helps me so much.

I had an on and off therapist for 10 years but I lost my job and have no money to go. That’s why I try this app when I can. I try friends as well but everyone is so busy with their lives and doesn’t want to be bothered.

I’m not working either. But it’s best to keep busy. Can you get another job, or maybe do volunteer work?

I’m trying to find work. I was supposed to go back to Dubai to meet my boyfriend again and try and find part time work in the meantime but I still can’t get any job right now. I was away for a year and now all my friends around me are busy or moved, and my parents are broke so I’m stuck at home. It’s the worst feeling. The abusive relationship isolated me and I was dependent on him.