Hi!

How do you manage the thoughts of not seeing a future with your boyfriend? It get’s so frustrating, I’m sad and scared. I can’t even get intimate because I feel like everything is lost, or i get anxious, and start overthinking. I push my partner away, he makes me anxious too and i don’t even know why because he’s been great!!!! I made bad decisions in our relationship and since I confessed to him, I was completely convinced that we were going to break up, and that I would feel better if he made the decision to break up. I start imagining my future without him, and i don’t like it. I feel disconnected, he really doesn’t like it when i call it that way, but it’s like idk myself and don’t recognize him either sometimes. Or if he makes plans for the future is almost as if i dont want them.

Username: AclrbrntAclrbrnt

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m sorry you’re going through this, I’m going through something very similar right now. It’s so scary and hard to manage - in the past ERP and using non engagement responses has helped but my boyfriend and I are getting more serious and it’s making my OCD so much worse. I feel disconnected and nitpick and it’s awful. I too have those same intrusive thoughts about the future despite knowing very well how I feel about my bf. It’s so scary and unnerving but thoughts are sometimes just thoughts. All that’s to say, my ocd makes my fears feel a thousand times worse, so I try to continue to tell myself “maybe it’ll happen, maybe it won’t” until the anxiety subsides. Uncertainty (especially about the future) sucks so much, but accepting it is the only way we’ll ever get through this!

Username: hellopeoplehellopeople

User type: NOCD Alumni

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m so sorry. ROCD is relentless! OCD will tell us we need to “see” the future perfectly or we can’t be in a relationship. ERP helps us accept all possibility and be grateful for where we are in our relationship in the present. Try to be mindful of what is a compulsion to try to not act on them, compulsions could be scanning and searching is the relationship is “right” and confessing things in order to gain certainty.

Username: Honeyshark Honeyshark

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@hellopeople Thanks got this

Username: Anonimo05Anonimo05

Date posted: 1y ago

Oh yes, and sometimes I question if i don’t want commitment or something because why do i get so anxious and worried about the future. I avoid going out sometimes because i feel like if i get closer it’ll get worse lol. Which is similar to your situation, if we’re getting more serious then that means more anxiety and more intrusive thoughts

Username: AclrbrntAclrbrnt

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonimo05 Yes! Getting serious can trigger anxiety and ocd. I used to use avoidance to deal with the anxiety but ultimately it just makes it worse. Maybe instead of avoiding, try the opposite. Put in effort and be as loving as you possibly can even if it feels “wrong” or uncomfortable. It works for me in serious times of distress!

Username: Anonimo05Anonimo05

Date posted: 1y ago

@Aclrbrnt I believe it definitely made it worse for me. I will try but it’s hard with all these thoughts

Username: Honeyshark Honeyshark

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I have this. And as we get more serious I wonder more if he’s the right one or if I’m wasting my time.

Username: Anonimo05Anonimo05

Date posted: 1y ago

@Razz14 Wow i thought i was alone in this 🫶🏼🥹 i hope everything gets better for you, I’ve felt the same way: what if’s took over my life

Username: Sunshine&flowers7Sunshine&flo...

Date posted: 1y ago

I'm experiencing this too right now. I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. We are in a healthy and loving relationship. I struggle with doubting if I want to marry him, yet he's the type of man I've prayed for and waited for all this time. I'm 37 and fear that I'm running out of time to decide my future plans with him. I just want to enjoy the great relationship I have but extreme anxiety and obsessions over the imperfections in him and our relationship make me always question how to proceed.

Username: jenny

Date posted: 4y ago

My boyfriend and I went through a rough patch a while back ago, we’ve patched it up and things are better than ever. But I over think if I feel the same after what’s happened, if I want a future with him especially after everything that’s went down, I fear the future, our future,I wanna say I love him, I know I love him, but what if I’m in denial about it all and I should just break up with him because deep down I know it isn’t going to work. I go back and forth and try to check if this is rocd or not and I’m scared if it’s not.

Username: owmybrainhurts

Date posted: 2y ago

ROCD

Really struggling to determine whether my doubts are vaild or not. I have a very blurry picture of what I envision for my future, ever since I was 18 Ive had this desire to run away and start a new life (22 now) I dont know whether its escapism or just my calling, but I dream of a nomadic life with no attachments to anything. I believe its strongly associated with OCD and the fears I have around commitment. But my partner has goals for his future, he can envision his life, and its becoming an issue that I cant envision mine. We would like to be able to line up our lives to see if we want the same things. Of course I want a life with him, but I am so controlled by fear I cant commit to anything. I cant commit to the idea of settling down, having kids, having a career. They all scare me. We’ve been together for 2 years and I still have been avoiding my thoughts out of fear that the truth is: Im not meant to be with anyone and I need to live life on my own with no ties to anything. My therapist said some really triggering stuff yesterday and now I cant stop thinking about the possibility that we may just be on different life paths, no matter how much we love eachother. Feeling defeated😣

Username: Leenabean25

Date posted: 1y ago

I don’t know how to love my boyfriend

Over a year together with him, and I’ve just recently learned that I have relationship OCD and perfectionist OCD. We talked about it, but I can sense it breaking his heart when I tell him that I cycle between wanting to marry him to breaking up over and over everyday. Constantly evaluating every word or action of his, what shirt he wears that day, how he brushed his hair, what he ate for lunch, who he talked to, what he spent money on, etc any of these things can trigger me into an episode of intrusive thoughts about him not being the one, he’s wrong for me, I’m trapped, I need to get out. It can also swing the other way to me feeling an impulse to go to the courthouse and get married right there. I know that I love him, I always desire to spend time with him; and I picture my future with him in it. He’s such a wonderful person. I don’t know how to stop this emotional rollercoaster my mind straps me into everyday. I just want to be in love and feel secure. How will I ever get married with all of these doubts attacking me everyday?? I can’t stop myself from constantly lecturing him on his flaws and what he needs to change for me to love him more consistently. I feel like a cold and evil person. Will I ever have clarity? Is he really as flawed as I think he is or am I sabotaging the best thing in my life?

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