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So sorry you experience these thoughts and feelings. But it' s very common among people with OCD. It's very good that you have an appt soon, I hope you will get help, OCD is so hard, but there is treatment and you can learn that these thoughts just are noise in your brain. Use the time until the appt to learn as much as possible about OCD. If we try to suppress the thoughts (which is a natural response) they grow stronger, the key is to learn to not engage with them at all, its difficult at first but you'll learn if you do therapy work. Even if the thoughts are scary I will tell you don't be afraid. They are "just thoughts."

I’m glad you found this app and have an appointment soon! I noticed your title says “I want to” but then at the end of your paragraph you say “ik really scared”. Do you think someone who really wanted to hurt someone else would be on here and be scared of the thoughts and avoid going to their moms? If you actually wanted to hurt her you would be at her house right now and never signed up for this app and you wouldn’t be scared of the thoughts. You will learn in therapy that we must face our thoughts and just let our thoughts say whatever we want. By not going to your moms that is considered avoidance which is an OCD compulsion. I used to avoid a lot of things when my OCD was really bad. Like Estrid said I would encourage you to read up on OCD.

I wonder if anyone has explained this to your understanding yet, if not I will try! So having thoughts about hurting your mom (harm ocd) does not equal you wanting or intending to hurt her. It is called an intrusive thought that goes against what we really want. (To not hurt her) anger can make intrusive harm thoughts feel more real. Intrusive thoughts are ones that we don’t like that make us anxious and uncomfortable make us confused and usually mad at ourself. I hope you find solace knowing that harm ocd means you are afraid of hurting your mom, instead of you want to hurt your mom. It’s quite tricky at first but if you have any questions you can ask here the community has tons of experience with harm ocd. :)