- Username
- Anonymous
- Date posted
- 1y ago
I thought I hated my friend but I am jealous now
For the past several months I had thought I hated my friend. We were very intimate friends, that's to say very close. She told me she liked me, because I compulsively confessed to her and said I liked her. Then I felt like I didn't, and compulsively told her I didn't. And then for the next several months, like I said, I thought I hated her. But now she's dating some other guy, and when she talks to me about him. There is this sharp pain in my heart. I want her to be talking about me. This isnt the first sign of this. I seem to constantly want what I don't have, and hate everything I do. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know if this is OCD or maybe I am just an egotistical asshole. But I think if she knew this she would hate me. I feel so sorry for breaking her heart. And I don't want to confuse her even more. So why do I want her attention? Why do I want her to gush about me only? I always feel like I am the problem, I just want to stop being the problem. But my very existence seems to stab everything I love. It double sucks cause my birthday is literally in two days. I want to enjoy my birthday with her and my friends, but now I feel like I have to tell her.