HELP

LONG POST - PLEASE READ, IF NOT WHOLE POST PLEASE READ JUST SOME PARTS OF IT AND ANSWEAR ME IF YOU CAN, I NEED YOUR HELP😔 Hello, thank you in advance for reading this post and any experience/advice you could give me. I will try to describe my OCD to you somehow - it will be a long post, however, it will show a fraction of how my OCD manifests itself I guess. I want to know if my OCD was diagnosed correctly, if anyone else experiences same/similar symptoms of OCD as I do. I would very much like to connect with someone who has OCD like me. I read about OCD experiences, watched YouTube videos about people's experiences with OCD, how it manifests itself - I went through a lot of experiences of people with OCD disorder, but I didn‘t find a single one that would depict mine, while the experiences of the given people were similar or nearly the same. Some people were afraid of hurting themselves, others were afraid of hurting their loved ones/other people, others had a need to constantly wash their hands or themselves, others needed to touch objects more than once to prevent some bad event, others had religious or sexual OCD... - I don't experience any of this. I was diagnosed with OCD independently by two psychiatrists. I went to the first one without knowing I had a problem, I just got into such a state within my functioning at uni that I couldn't sleep and needed medication - it was during my bachelor’s year. I stopped taking the medication (Sertraline, slowly) after my master’s graduation. After my first experience at work, I looked for a psychiatrist again because I realized that I can’t function normally and what had been "normal" for me until now was extreme - exhausting functioning. I've had OCD since university (I identify with OCD ever since, that's when I experienced first strong stress) and I acknowledged it only now in January after 5 and a half years, after my first experience at work - I found out that I can't function normally at all and that things that I do and considered normal, aren‘t at all. I figured that out the first time I said it aloud and confided in my mom. According to the theory of OCD - yes, OCD works for me exactly according to its principle - obsessions & compulsions. However, I question my OCD diagnosis for the already mentioned reason - I have not come across any experience of a person with OCD symptoms similar to mine. I know that the theory about OCD states that OCD can manifest itself in many different ways and that our experiences do not have to be found in the literature about OCD, but theory is theory and from practice I have read about a lot of people with OCD and their experiences were same or at least similar. My OCD manifests itself in extreme perfectionism, precision, symmetry, I have to have everything under control, constantly reassure myself, repeatedly make sure of everything - in my head and also verbally, aloud whenever I can and nobody hears me. An example of what I do - when I go through my e-mails - 2 e-mails can easily take me 2 hours - I can read and respond to the e-mail in a few seconds. However, if it is, for example, a conversation where there are previously sent messages, I need to read, in addition to the current message, the entire course of the previously sent email conversation within one topic, I go through my answers and the other person's answers with my eyes, while checking that I have seen all the emails, I need to capture all of the information, have an overview of everything. At the same time, if there is, for example, something in the email that gives me an incentive - a link to a website or an application, I need to capture all this information, if it is useful, I save the pages or download the applications recommended. I connect all possible connections, if something comes to my mind during a given e-mail conversation. And I do it with everything - with everything I need to have an overview, that means connecting all the connections in order to have everything under control, and I only have that when I repeat things so many times that I remember them. Another example – wherever I have my stuff, e.g. in my bedroom - everything must have its place and it must be stored and organized according to how I do it. This way of functioning exhausts me because everything takes me an awfully long time as I need to have everything under control, that is as I said already when I repeat it so many times that I know it by heart. I have a big problem with uncertainty/changes/new situations – it causes me enormous stress, so I plan everything and function based on a diary. I start and end the day with my diary. This kind of functioning puts me in a situation where I have no time for anything or anyone, hardly any sleep - and when I function like this and have a lot of stress, I often have periods where I stay awake at night - my head is working, for example planning. According to many sources that I have read, the most effective OCD treatment is a combination of drugs and therapy. I read about cognitive behavioural therapy and its specific subtype - exposure and response prevention. - Is there anyone here who has OCD like this? - According to your own experience - did therapy and medication help you? Thank you again for reading this.

Username: r h1

Date posted: 91d ago

Your story makes complete sense and your diagnosis of OCD is (seeming to me in my unprofessional opinion) correct. I think this would probably fall under the Perfectionism OCD subtype, but I don't know how common it is. I've usually seen it listed (in this app and some articles at least) among the other subtypes like Relationship or Harm. Your experiences appear severe (to my unprofessional self), but I can relate somewhat to what you said about overviewing - with emails/sites/forms of information. I don't get too anxious when I don't have everything under grasp, but there is definitely a detectable level that still makes me feel like crap. I constantly save articles on my Google Chrome reading list because of how much I want to learn, and I get anxious if I don't understand the full thing completely and/or immediately. Or, with my friends, if I don't understand each word they're saying 100%, then I don't get them as a person and I hate them and don't care about them if they live or die. For me, medication (I took Sertraline also!) didn't help. As far as my experience goes, it's commonly used as a tool (best in tandem with therapy) to help dull some negative feelings that might be too much, and I think it can help certain people -- but the therapy is what will help the actual condition of OCD, which consists of mental states, thoughts, you can grasp hold of. ERP has helped me a lot but I feel like I still have a long way to go. An exposure is exposing yourself to the anxiety of a scenario your OCD doesn't want. In the example of my friends, an exposure might be saying to myself: "maybe I don't get them 100%, but at least I'll try to understand them the best I can at this moment". I'm signed up for ERP on this app and have seen a therapist for a couple months.

Username: Natalia Z

Date posted: 91d ago

@r h1 Thank you so much for reading the whole post and answearing me. I am so glad that there is finally someone who at least experiences something similar to me. I registered in this app yesterday. I found it as I was searching for help on the internet. I am from Slovakia, and here, it is extremely difficult to find a therapist who specializes in OCD - and even if I do, they do not categorize OCD to subtypes😀 they take it as “one general disease” and as a bonus they are crazy expensive.. I am 24. Could I ask how old are you and when have u started suffering from OCD?

Username: r h1

Date posted: 78d ago

@Natalia Z Sorry for late response, I'm 19 years old, and I was diagnosed with a couple disorders including OCD at 13, but it was not prevalent then. My psychiatrist would prescribe me medication for my Anxiety and Tourette's, as well as OCD, but wouldn't tell me what OCD was. Looking back, I notice the OCD-like thought patterns I had when I was young til now, but it wasn't really that bad I guess. About 2 years ago is when it became severe, and then I learned what it really was and signed up for NOCD.

Username: AH7866

Date posted: 78d ago

I relate to a lot of this and have to have everything under control and constantly reassuring myself. I also verbally reassure myself and go over things even when no one‘s there. I have lots of notes with every thing I need to do to be perfect and lots of other things I do it’s very exhausting. But just know your not alone not everyone talks about there OCD or symptoms but there are all different times and obsessions & compulsions. But sounds to me like it’s perfectionism OCD and order and symmetry OCD then again I’m not a professional. Stay strong you can get through this therapy and medication together help alot I’ve heard.