Pure OCD - advice appreciated

Been feeling horrid lately ,OCD "neutralising" all the happiness I have been feeling...it interfers with my relationship SO MUCH. I love my boyfriend more than anyone else but OCD keeps obsessing over this one thing he did that my friend and also people online said is okay but OCD is saying it's outright immoral or at the very least morally grey and is forcing me to break up with him but that is the very last thing I'd want. So, as a punishment, it keeps ruining my feelings for him and making it near impossible to enjoy my days, I feel quite depressed to be honest. Any tips?

Amanda Denholm

Date posted: 2y

Is talking to him about it something that you would ever feel comfortable doing or is it a big No-No for you? I’m not suggesting you do it, that’s your decision. It was about a different theme but when I finally managed to talk about it with my former partner I felt better. It was incredibly hard and scary, but also she made me feel safe so I worked up the courage at some point.

lizzyhatesocd

Date posted: 2y

Is it okay if I DM you about it? :)

Amanda Denholm

Date posted: 2y

@lizzyhatesocd Sure no problem :)

Bronsautracks

Date posted: 2y

Yes, actually. You need to cool down. Here are the things you’ve described as your own thoughts and not a result of OCD: “I love my boyfriend more than anyone else” “Breaking up is the last thing I’d want” “I feel quite depressed” It isn’t ruining your feelings, those are still clearly there, it’s just getting in the way of you expressing them right now, even to yourself. All clouded up. The depression isn’t even a result of the OCD, it’s a result of the inner conflict, but it’s yours. Your brain is getting tired of fighting itself and needs rest. It is time to distract. If you hone in on this to try to repair while dealing with depression, you will be too exhausted to handle it healthily. Take a day to reset by revisiting a loved hobby, or binging TV shows. Whatever you can think of that will take all of your interest and focus. It will be hard. Your thoughts will try and suck you back in. Have a notebook and pen with you and when the intrusive thoughts try to interrupt your you time, write down a note telling yourself what you’d say to another person who came to you with this problem. Your brain is sensing a need and trying to provide explanation in the face of uncertainty. That’s just what brains do. All the OCD does is tear holes in the filter that tells you whether or not a thought is rational, productive, or valuable to you. These notes can be your filter. After every note you write to yourself, try again to absorb yourself in the something else that you were doing. If any of your doubt is based in your actual values and boundaries, you need to have a clear head to know, because I noted that the one person you didn’t mention seeking reassurance from is the only person whose reassurance would even stick in this regard. Your boyfriend knows his own values and integrity better than your friend or people online. So he is the one you need to be talking to, but only after you’ve established what your own values and boundaries are firmly in your head, and it’s him and you, not him and your OCD.

lizzyhatesocd

Date posted: 2y

Oh my goodness, thank you so much for such a complex and insightful response, I really appreciate it! Tbh I am in a place where I am unable to have moral values I would genuinely consider my own,except the "classic" ones like "murder is bad" etc. but when it comes to some that spark debate, I somehow cannot freely agree with anyone but the most puritanical option...honestly probably because of bad past experiences because it's always just one and the same topic. The funny thing is that I cannot even tell you if this truly is morally grey or it's just my brain exaggerating, it's likely that if I told someone with a different subtype or someone without OCD, they wouldn't even come to the conclusions my brain managed to come to and gloss over it. Either way, right now I'm telling myself that I'm not gonna let this illness cause a breakup and make me more miserable than I already am. Especially because my family also has a history of making people feel like they need to be perfect in order to be loved and I'm trying to leave this mentality behind.

anonymous737...

Date posted: 23w

someone pls answer!

I have ocd, i have crazy intrusive thoughts that make me super uncomfortable, the thing is i understand that ocd goes against your morals and try’s to make you feel like a bad person but how do i avoid pushing people away while trying to treat my ocd.. i love my boyfriend so so much but when i get intrusive thoughts about hurting his feelings or doing something terrible it scares me so bad that i’m scared to be around him because in my head it’s like “why am i even thinking of this if i love him so much” and i know i would never do anything to hurt him but i just feel terrible because he’s an amazing boyfriend and i have all these bad thoughts. :(

e2222

Date posted: 22w

Relationship OCD?/am I just evil

I am in a relatively new relationship (around 2 months) and it has been completely virtual due to varying circumstances. I have never been in a serious relationship before and my past “exes” have never been this serious or brought up any of these feelings. About a month in I started having tons of symptoms and thoughts I figured were due to an SSRI change (i eventually went back to my original med/dose) however, it has remained quite bad since. Thoughts include: -I don’t actually like my partner, I just like the feeling of being wanted -I have crushes on other people, including my partners friends who I barely know -I don’t feel butterflies so I must be losing feelings for him -I think he’s ugly/im just not attracted to him -I’m secretly a lesbian and I’m wasting his time by being with him -a general feeling of dread, wrongness, or needing out of the relationship -not being able to believe him when he reassures me about everything -all of the above is just my genuine feelings and I’m using ocd as an excuse These are obviously crazy things to think, however one of my biggest compulsions is confession and self sabotage so I have told my partner all of these things in detail. He’s really great and patient about all of it but I can tell it weighs on him. Hes even recently expressed feeling like it’s his fault and that he wonders if it wouldn’t be this bad if I was with someone else. I feel so miserable but i feel like I’d be miserable in any relationship but im scared that’s not the truth and my ocd isn’t real. When it’s good i feel the most romantic love for him I’ve ever felt toward anyone ever. He’s an incredible person but I just feel so alone and lost on what to do. I’ve literally tried to break up with him like five times and each time we’ve ended up wanting to stay together. I’m really really scared I’ll never get better or this is simply the wrong relationship for me.

bubbsle

Date posted: 20w

Tips for Anxiety

Hey guys! My boyfriend has said recently that he doesn't know if he's strong enough to continue with our relationship because of my OCD. He wants to see me overcome my symptoms and learn to live a healthy life with OCD, but my anxieties and obsessions are starting to really affect his life. I understand his reasoning, it's hard to see someone you care about struggle with OCD, especially when it starts to affect you too. I'm asking for tips to deal with my compulsions in the relationship. I HAVE to know the answer to things and sometimes that leads into arguments because even with apologies and discussions I can't let things go, even if they genuinely don't matter or are miniscule issues we have. It's a healthy relationship otherwise but I feel horrible because it's impacting him so negatively, that's the absolute last thing I want to happen. I care for him deeply and he cares for me too, so I don't want my OCD to be a reason we break up but I fear it's headed in that direction. I'm starting therapy soon, but until then what are some things I can do to stop my ROCD from impacting him? I know sitting in the guilt and anxiety of not completing my obsessions will help, but I'm wondering if there are other things I can do to maybe remedy some of the damage already done.

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