This is what I hate.

I can’t think of anything innocent involving children without it being twisted. A child standing next to me, a child hugging me, a child on my lap (which became an obsession because I heard someone did it as an exposure once), etc. I keep getting these thoughts of, “you like the thought”, “you will be gratified”, etc. even though it doesn’t make any sense. I know I said it a million times, but I know I’m not attracted to children; I never found anything attractive about them in 22 years. And every time I try to tell this thing, “And? If you think that’s gonna prove I’m a monster, you’re wrong. You’re responding this way because it’s a sexual thought,” it comes back with “But you like (whatever),” “you want this”, etc. No matter how many times I tell myself this is just OCD messing with you, it’s like no part of it takes it seriously. I now feel like it’s trying every little thing to scare me, and that’s by turning normal things bad. I’m scared out of my fucking mind; why is this thing trying to convince me I am or want something that makes me break down into tears and sick to my stomach over?

gothangelfairie

Date posted: 2y

I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now- I am too, and I hate it because my ocd themes have fluctuated a lot within the past year, but pocd has been by #1 struggle through it all. It’s so scary, and you’re right like why tf would we want something that immediately upon thinking makes us cry, panic, etc… I couldn’t eat for a week, I was scared to sleep, avoiding so much of what I used to enjoy and throughout this year I thought I was getting better but here I am right now at 3:30am looking on this app to see if anyone else is struggling with the same “demanding” sort of thoughts like me because I’m terrified that what if this is my future & what if I do become the very thing I despise/that makes me literally sick to my stomach. You are not alone & I’m just so sorry your brain is being so mean. I understand & I’m right there with you. I hope it gets better for us

Charlie310

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Hey man so sorry you’re going through this. I was dealing with real bad harm ocd and it was absolutely draining and the scariest shit ever. I started doing erp therapy and trust me it will get better. You have to negate your thoughts like it’s a joke. Get sarcastic with your thoughts. For example if your thoughts say you’re gonna punch him, you can respond with something like (I may or may not, who knows) or (I’ll let this thought do it’s thing and let it be on its way) pretty much don’t fear the thought but accept the thought. Sometimes you need to let the thought play out and sit with the discomfort and try to relax which shows it isn’t affecting you like it wants it to. If kids sitting on your lap is a fear then erp would have you have a child sit in your lap and just control the discomfort and negate the thoughts with the response examples I showed you. Little steps at a time

Charlie310

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Just remember the most important thing. You are not your thoughts. Love you man keep fighting the good fight it will get better.

AnonymousOne...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w

I don't know what's happening...

I feel like the thoughts are telling me, "You want this, you want to be attracted to kids" when I know that's not the case. I've been stuck ruminating for the past couple of days and I'm so worried about this disorder convincing me that I'm something I've never been. I try not to fight it, but when I don't it feels like I'm giving into it like it's true. The meds I'm on keep me from being super depressed, but it's still there. I feel like I'm going to act on my thoughts one day and it worries me. I don't feel like myself anymore and I don't know if this is progress or a relapse. Even when having intercourse with my partner, I had to thought block because the thoughts were images while in the middle of it. Then afterwards, they came flooding in saying that I was doing it as a distraction. I don't know what else to do. I try to pinpoint all of my triggers, but sometimes I don't think I even have any. I feel like a monster. I'm honestly scared.

GreenTurtle098

Date posted: 14w

18+ TW

Okay so In the moment I get intrusive thoughts about children which I hate. I get the gronal responses which I always so many compultions after. My ocd is very bad and I’m showering and changing my bedding around 8 times. Therapists have told me I’m the worse they’ve ever known. That’s how bad my life is atm. I hate this disorder. I want to know if ocd can cause these things as it will help me to fight my compulsions and just except it’s ocd… In the moment the gronal responses are genuinely pleasurable and I struggle to ignore them and stop them, in the moment t I want them even if it was due to a thought of a kid My OCD will tell me I’m aroused I’ll feel aroused then when moving around in my bed it’ll tell me to make my vagina touch my bedding for a feeling while I’m turning over and I purposely do it in the moment… I hate it. After I do so many compilations, it’s not even me it’s like someone else controlling my body When I try to fight my compulsions I think in my mind “I like this anyways” and actually like the thoughts and gronal responses over the children, which then makes me not be able to fight them. For example my ocf was telling me to spray my feet with anti back, but then I tried to fight it and I was thinking to myself “nah l like this one I like this feeling over the kid it’s the real me” like I didn’t even feel stressed from it it’s like I wanted it. Of corse after these I do lots and many compultions Please I just want to know if ocd can do this

Anonymous

Date posted: 13w

My brain hates me (18+)

It’s like my brain is doing everything in its power to convince myself and also justify an attraction to teenagers. I hate myself. I don’t want to be this person, but what if I don’t have a choice. How do I get these thoughts out of my head permanently. I feel like my life will never be the same if they don’t leave forever. I can’t tell what is a real desire and what OCD is trying to convince me is a real desire. I can’t do this every day for the rest of my life. I don’t want to hurt anyone, or I don’t think I do but how do I even tell anymore. This might not even be OCD at this point, I can’t separate my thoughts from OCD thoughts I think because I’ve had OCD for so long so it all just feels like me. Maybe it is me. TMI but I haven’t pleasured myself in like a week because my libido is so low now, I don’t want to do it with these thoughts.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

This is what I hate.

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community