Hi

Feeling like ROCD is really affecting me more these days. I can’t be intimate with my partner, is just like something is not letting me, I don’t want him to think I dont want him, or something. But it makes me anxious most of the time, like a voice in my head saying oh that’s because you dont like him, want him, or have desire to so these things. My most recent and annoying intrusive thought it’s whenever we not speaking or he’s working etc, i get this thought that i dont feel anxious and feel peace when we not talking, and then as soon as we start talking im anxious and worrying. It’s super annoying, and it’s really debilitating because i start thinking what if this means we have to break up.

OneDayAtATime

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I feel your pain exactly. What is important is to let go of control here. The need for control in relationships takes away what makes relationships so special! Instead of fighting against these negative emotions move through them. Love your partner even when your brain is saying no! Be committed even when OCD wants you to run! You can do this!

Anonimo05

Date posted: 2y

@OneDayAtATime Struggling a lot😞😔 first thing in the morning as soon as i wake up, is the thought that i dont love him because of bad decisions in the past, and then its like i have reasons to believe i dont love him, im very depressed. And im tired of thinking we’ll break up, or that i have to break up in order to feel better and not be anxious all the time. Im not myself anymore, i cant even say i love you back without overthinking and feeling sometimes triggered, like i dont deserve his love, or because he loves me too much. Is hard to explain, having a bad morning today at work, and i just want to go home. I feel guilty because sometimes if we are not talking, and i dont feel that anxious i get a thought sort of like “see how you feel some peace when u are not talking to him” its so weird and i dont like it😭

OneDayAtATime

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Anonimo05 I feel the same thing. Have you practiced being vulnerable with your partner. Telling them you love them regardless of how you feel. Try acting from your values instead of your feelings, relationships are uncertain but sometimes you just have to lean in without being 100p sure of where you will end up.

Anonimo05

Date posted: 2y

@OneDayAtATime It’s almost like i can’t. Every time he says i love you, and i say it back, i immediately get those intrusive thoughts that im a liar, that i dont love him, that im just saying it so he wont feel bad, that im with him because im scared to lose him😞 so even when i think of saying it i feel like im lying, because of the thoughts and then i question myself, “if i think of this or feel x way then it means it’s true”, i just wish i was “normal” that i would be happy to make plans together, enjoy our time together, and just be happy in general regardless of my rocd, soocd, and past self.

OneDayAtATime

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Anonimo05 Hmm I see, I also get like this. One thing that may help you is too realize that when OCD attacks something it usually means the opposite. You love your partner, and because you love him OCD is attacking you. I don’t want to give you full reassurance but sometimes you have to understand that this is what OCD does. Even though it feels so so wrong, you can do this. Try not trying to feel a certain and just practice being. Don’t answer your rumination, instead sit with it as it really can’t get any worse right?

Anonimo05

Date posted: 2y

Yes im just so scared in general, that because of me it’ll end. Because the past and now this. It’s too much, and i dont want to to bombard him with the same thing every single day. I feel safe when im with him, but when i go to my house, or im at work things are chaotic my mind doesn’t stop telling me these things. And i really dont want to lose him but at the same time im scared that by being in the relationship i’ll always get triggered, worried, anxious, and continue to think i dont want to be with him, feeling anxious whenever we are being intimate, just in general scared😔😔

OneDayAtATime

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Im sorry you feel this way but lets make a pact. I have these same feelings but I love my partner so much that I refuse to let OCD win. One day at a time lets sit with the discomfort, accept the unknown bc we both know how worth it our partner is. It is going to be ok, we just have to trust the universe will catch us.

Mariabae

Date posted: 23w

rocd

I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.

cmax20

Date posted: 16w

ROCD

for a few days now I’ve been super anxious about my relationship. I’ve been anxious about it before but lately it’s been worse than normal. I’m in a very healthy and loving relationship, I love my boyfriend so much and he treats me so so well. The only thing is that I’ve been having scary thoughts that what if I’m lying to him and don’t actually love him? What if I don’t find him attractive? And like what if the only way to stop being anxious is to break up with him? I don’t want to leave him and I am so scared. I feel like I’m lying to him by not telling him what’s going on because he might think I’m actually going to leave him, which I’m really not going to. I have had anxiety since before we started dating and incestual and sexual ocd, then I got into a point where I started having religious ocd, and now I have ROCD on top of that I think. I’ve never been diagnosed but I’m going to therapy and figuring things out but I’m so scared. Idk what to do and I feel like if I talk to anyone they’re going to say I have to leave him.

ellij

Date posted: 16w

ROCD flare up

Lately my ROCD has been flaring up, making it difficult to even be around my partner. I’m having so many troubling thoughts with the one that bugs me most being, “maybe this isn’t my OCD, maybe I’m just in a bad relationship and I’m trying to cover it up and blame it on OCD”. This thought really scares me because there are valid doubts in my relationship but my boyfriend and I have openly talked about them and are trying to work through. My OCD won’t take that as an option tho. It makes me feel like I need to be 100% certain that these things can NEVER happen again or else we need to break up immediately. So anything he says in that moment about trying to do better, my OCD will not trust anything he says and just wait until the next “bad thing” happens. When I continuously bring these things up to my boyfriend even tho nothing has happened between these conversations, it exhausts him making it feel like he can never do enough. I feel so bad because I know it’s just my OCD getting in the way. But then that thought creeps in saying I can’t trust him because I need to protect myself. It’s just an ongoing cycle that is so tiring. I don’t even know what I want anymore. We are very opposite when it comes to emotions. I am very in tune and very emotionally intelligent, and he is not. He is the opposite. I do recognize that my anxious attachment style may be hard for him too but I can’t stop thinking about all of his flaws and all of the things he needs to do to make our relationship better. It makes me feel like I’m the only one putting in effort when in reality that is not true. But my OCD does make me feel like he doesn’t really love me or want to be with me and that he feels forced to be with me or do things for me. It makes me feel like him being with me is like a chore. Can anyone relate? My OCD just makes me feel like I can’t trust anything he says to make our relationship better.

Relationship OCD

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