i’m watching a youtube video on being bisexual and i’m freaking out omg. this is giving me so much anxiety. she’s saying stuff like “yea i never wanted to kiss a girl or have a relationship with a girl; i just always thought they were pretty” , “for all my life i was attracted to guys and always wanted a boyfriend” and stuff like that. i’m freaking out so much because it sounds A LOT like me. i’ve never seen a girl in that way until my HOCD hit and i’ve ALWAYS loved guys from the time i was little. now i’m doubting everything again. so many things are going on in my mind rn and i’m so confused

This is 100% an OCD thought and it’s taking over. I’ve had the same ones when I was 13-14. Honestly, even if you were that would not change who you are at all. But this is a classic sticky OCD thought. I used to have to picture myself kissing girls and imagine how I would feel and if I would like it. I always convinced myself that I might like it. When I was older I experimented a little and it was not for me. Don’t let this thought take control, right now your compulsion is trying to “solve” if you are or if you aren’t.

it’s like i’m constantly playing a game of tug o war. one side is me and the other side are these stupid thoughts using EVERYTHING i feel, see, have done, etc to convince me that i’m gay. every little thing is being used against me. things i did when i was super duper little and things i did not that long ago. everything is now all the sudden proof that i’m gay. and that scares the living crap out of me.

The other side you describe is your OCD in disguise as “you being gay”. The more you analyze your thoughts, feelings, and past, the more it will twist it into “evidence”. I remember having these obsessions so vividly when I was in my early teens. I’m in my 30s now & married to a wonderful man. If I could go back in time the best advice I think I would tell myself then is something like “ok, so even if you are gay/bi - then what? What’s the big deal?”. There really wouldn’t have been one. I’m definitely NOT saying you are, just trying to put things into perspective in the big picture. This reminds me so much of me that I can really empathize. You will not find a solution by over analyzing in your head. Allow yourself to take a break from these thoughts, they will still be there tomorrow if you choose to revisit them. I know it’s hard to do, but when I’ve managed to do it in the past, by the break from obsessing takes power from your OCD. Sometimes you don’t need to revisit thoughts because after time they seem less important.

yes!! it’s so scary ugh. we got this!! ?

Your OCD knows all that and is using it against you. My therapist in the past said often OCD presents you with an obsession that is the opposite of how you are. Some of your “worst case scenarios” get used as fuel for obsessions because that’s what will make you anxious and feed the OCD. Why would it ever give you a good obsession, or something that wouldn’t make you uncomfortable. It’s a smart disorder. Try to embrace the uncertainty, just for a little while. It will starve the OCD and make it less powerful. You can do this.

@ocdsucks. I don't want to give reassurance or anything. But I went through that. Where I hardly felt attraction to men. It really and truly is because you are stressing about it. You're mind is convincing you of that. You're suppressing your true attractions. When you get to a point where you overcome these thoughts and feelings and aren't worried about it, I'd bet that your attractions for men would come back. I know, it did for me. This is all a product of anxiety. Anxiety can do so many things. Hang in there. Are you in therapy or doing any self help therapy at home, on any meds? @sophiaa I totally understand where you are coming from. I don't know where I stand sometimes when it comes to homosexuality/bisexuality as far as my faith is concerned. Having these worries has actually made me sympathize with the lgbt community.

completely. it’s so unfair. i know that this is all my brain and it’s not true but i still cant help but doubt everything and anything. literally the simplest things. it sucks

it makes everything seem so real. everything she’s saying that she felt before she realized she was bi is what i felt/feel. she was always attracted to guys and so was i. she always just thought girls were pretty and was never really attracted to them,,,so do i. this is making me go crazyyyy because what if that means i am???

I'm right there with ya. You are not alone. I'm 31 and happily married to an amazing man. I too, worry "what if I'm bi?" I read some coming out stories and watched videos too. I'm just like you. I only ever liked guys. And still do. But my mind plays tricks on me. Tonight. I really just accepted the possibility. I don't HAVE to identify that way. But there's no way for me to be 100 percent certain. It is definitely hard. I think if I'm bi, then I would be a very straight leaning bi :) I'm also a Christian, so reconciling these thoughts with my faith is hard as well. I can see that this type of OCD is very common. Hang in there and stay strong.

Oh no. I hate those, such an anxiety spike ??‍♀️

But continue to watch, you’re doing exposure!:)

that was great advice, as someone who relates to all of this that made me certainly look at things a little different. my thoughts always go haywire, remain calm, or just numb and it’s a weird cycle but I just try to tell myself it’s ocd and get past my day. One problem is I don’t find guys attractive anymore no matter what. And it makes me feel so depressed to a bad point. I start to feel asexual, or I start to pick out bad features in guys, my mind convinces me “you’d enjoy it a lot better with girls.” Or “girls have that feature way better.” And sometimes when I see a couple kiss, I find it gross. I just want to be able to be straight again:/

i’m also christian and that is a huge anxiety factor for me—my family. i’m so afraid of all this because my family doesn’t necessarily approve of that kind of stuff. i’ve heard the things they say and how my family reacts to anything regarding homosexuality and it scares me so much because if i were to be gay they would hate me. they wouldn’t support me or love me, and i feel like i would be such an outcast. it’s all so scary to think about if it is true. especially if there are so many things that my brain is twisting into “evidence”

All of your comments made me feel better but also I have so many questions, specially for the ones who improved and recovered, did your thoughts ever become so real that even if you didn’t want it and knew you didn’t want it your brain told you “you do, this is actually what you want” and made you think “okay yeah I’m in denial it can’t be ocd” ??? Because when I’m in my worst moments that happens