- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
This is 100% an OCD thought and it’s taking over. I’ve had the same ones when I was 13-14. Honestly, even if you were that would not change who you are at all. But this is a classic sticky OCD thought. I used to have to picture myself kissing girls and imagine how I would feel and if I would like it. I always convinced myself that I might like it. When I was older I experimented a little and it was not for me. Don’t let this thought take control, right now your compulsion is trying to “solve” if you are or if you aren’t.
- Date posted
- 6y
it’s like i’m constantly playing a game of tug o war. one side is me and the other side are these stupid thoughts using EVERYTHING i feel, see, have done, etc to convince me that i’m gay. every little thing is being used against me. things i did when i was super duper little and things i did not that long ago. everything is now all the sudden proof that i’m gay. and that scares the living crap out of me.
- Date posted
- 6y
The other side you describe is your OCD in disguise as “you being gay”. The more you analyze your thoughts, feelings, and past, the more it will twist it into “evidence”. I remember having these obsessions so vividly when I was in my early teens. I’m in my 30s now & married to a wonderful man. If I could go back in time the best advice I think I would tell myself then is something like “ok, so even if you are gay/bi - then what? What’s the big deal?”. There really wouldn’t have been one. I’m definitely NOT saying you are, just trying to put things into perspective in the big picture. This reminds me so much of me that I can really empathize. You will not find a solution by over analyzing in your head. Allow yourself to take a break from these thoughts, they will still be there tomorrow if you choose to revisit them. I know it’s hard to do, but when I’ve managed to do it in the past, by the break from obsessing takes power from your OCD. Sometimes you don’t need to revisit thoughts because after time they seem less important.
- Date posted
- 6y
yes!! it’s so scary ugh. we got this!! ?
- Date posted
- 6y
Your OCD knows all that and is using it against you. My therapist in the past said often OCD presents you with an obsession that is the opposite of how you are. Some of your “worst case scenarios” get used as fuel for obsessions because that’s what will make you anxious and feed the OCD. Why would it ever give you a good obsession, or something that wouldn’t make you uncomfortable. It’s a smart disorder. Try to embrace the uncertainty, just for a little while. It will starve the OCD and make it less powerful. You can do this.
- Date posted
- 6y
@ocdsucks. I don't want to give reassurance or anything. But I went through that. Where I hardly felt attraction to men. It really and truly is because you are stressing about it. You're mind is convincing you of that. You're suppressing your true attractions. When you get to a point where you overcome these thoughts and feelings and aren't worried about it, I'd bet that your attractions for men would come back. I know, it did for me. This is all a product of anxiety. Anxiety can do so many things. Hang in there. Are you in therapy or doing any self help therapy at home, on any meds? @sophiaa I totally understand where you are coming from. I don't know where I stand sometimes when it comes to homosexuality/bisexuality as far as my faith is concerned. Having these worries has actually made me sympathize with the lgbt community.
- Date posted
- 6y
completely. it’s so unfair. i know that this is all my brain and it’s not true but i still cant help but doubt everything and anything. literally the simplest things. it sucks
- Date posted
- 6y
it makes everything seem so real. everything she’s saying that she felt before she realized she was bi is what i felt/feel. she was always attracted to guys and so was i. she always just thought girls were pretty and was never really attracted to them,,,so do i. this is making me go crazyyyy because what if that means i am???
- Date posted
- 6y
I'm right there with ya. You are not alone. I'm 31 and happily married to an amazing man. I too, worry "what if I'm bi?" I read some coming out stories and watched videos too. I'm just like you. I only ever liked guys. And still do. But my mind plays tricks on me. Tonight. I really just accepted the possibility. I don't HAVE to identify that way. But there's no way for me to be 100 percent certain. It is definitely hard. I think if I'm bi, then I would be a very straight leaning bi :) I'm also a Christian, so reconciling these thoughts with my faith is hard as well. I can see that this type of OCD is very common. Hang in there and stay strong.
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh no. I hate those, such an anxiety spike ??♀️
- Date posted
- 6y
But continue to watch, you’re doing exposure!:)
- Date posted
- 6y
that was great advice, as someone who relates to all of this that made me certainly look at things a little different. my thoughts always go haywire, remain calm, or just numb and it’s a weird cycle but I just try to tell myself it’s ocd and get past my day. One problem is I don’t find guys attractive anymore no matter what. And it makes me feel so depressed to a bad point. I start to feel asexual, or I start to pick out bad features in guys, my mind convinces me “you’d enjoy it a lot better with girls.” Or “girls have that feature way better.” And sometimes when I see a couple kiss, I find it gross. I just want to be able to be straight again:/
- Date posted
- 6y
i’m also christian and that is a huge anxiety factor for me—my family. i’m so afraid of all this because my family doesn’t necessarily approve of that kind of stuff. i’ve heard the things they say and how my family reacts to anything regarding homosexuality and it scares me so much because if i were to be gay they would hate me. they wouldn’t support me or love me, and i feel like i would be such an outcast. it’s all so scary to think about if it is true. especially if there are so many things that my brain is twisting into “evidence”
- Date posted
- 6y
All of your comments made me feel better but also I have so many questions, specially for the ones who improved and recovered, did your thoughts ever become so real that even if you didn’t want it and knew you didn’t want it your brain told you “you do, this is actually what you want” and made you think “okay yeah I’m in denial it can’t be ocd” ??? Because when I’m in my worst moments that happens
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
hi i’m a lesbian! and i have known im a lesbian for a really long time and i have a sweet girlfriend of 1 year. it all started when i saw this masc lesbian come out as straight, after that i had my guy friend over and he’s a sweet guy and he was flirting with me (he didn’t know i was gay) im not sure but i panicked and my brain froze and i was like “do i like him”, ever since my brain has been over worked 24/7 for 2 months now and it’s spiralling constantly. im trying to control it but all these thoughts are so disgusting and my brain tries to put him and i in scenarios that make me uncomfortable and i feel panic and i hate it. i have always been comfortable being a lesbian and i still am comfortable as a lesbian, but i dislike these thoughts i have about him and men and i want it to be over. i do not want to experiment with men even tho my brain is telling me i do, i find it disgusting and i dread it, i have a sweet girlfriend and i want to be with her forever, i do not imagine anything with any men and i hate these thoughts. im scared of becoming bisexual/straight one day and i hate hearing sexuality is fluid. its a whole mix of comphet and so-ocd
- Date posted
- 16w
I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for over a year now, and I have been having a very hard day today. I feel like I just need someone to talk too, my whole life I’ve always had girl crushes and always wanted to be romantic with women . Ever since I posted this picture on instagram and one person said I looked “zesty” in it , which is when I started obsessing about being gay . I feel like I put so much meaning to these thoughts where now I’m always checking how I feeling around men. I had a really bad porn addiction for a long time and bad anxiety which fucked up my sex drive. I feel like I doubt if I’m attracted to women when I know I am , but the doubt is so overbearing where I start to believe it . I never was interested in men sexually, and my ocd makes me feel like I like the thoughts even though I feel no pleasure out of it. I feel like I lost who I am as a person . It feels like I don’t even know what my sexuality is and it’s really upsetting to me . I meant this girl the other day and she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I just feel like ocd is getting in the way😭😭😭 please any advice or comments
- Date posted
- 14w
I’ve always been straight my whole life and I’ve never considered being different nor have i ever had attraction to women but lately I’ve been going through a lot of different thoughts that definitely feel unlike me. When I was a kid and I don’t remember how old I was but im sure like 7 or 8 and my cousin that was I very close to had me do inappropriate things to her that I didn’t really know anything about at that time. After that happened to me I knew it was wrong and I felt so bad and disgusting and scared but at the time I didn’t really know anything and I remember when my mom would drop me over my grandmas house while she would work, I’d take my grandma’s phone and I looked up kissing videos and I saw the kissing scene from Jennifer’s body and looking back on it I just feel so much shame and confusion bc it certainly feels embarrassing. My cousin always liked girls but I never did. I loved sitting and watching Disney movies preferably princess and the frog and wanting to be a princess getting married to a prince just like in all the movies. I knew who I was from a very young age and that never changed about me. When I learned what porn was at an older age, I started becoming hyper sexual so I watched tutorials videos of women to learn how to pleasure myself. When I was a kid and to now I’ve never looked at women in that way. I’ve had best friends and sleepovers it’s never been anything sexual, romantic, or intimate. Just simply innocent friendships and hangouts. When I got to high school that’s when i started remembering what happened to me and i remember how the girls would talk about their first kisses and i remembered my sa and how I felt so scared to say anything to anyone bc I didn’t want people to think badly of me simply bc my first kiss was like that so I would simply just not say anything. Lately I’ve been having obsessive thoughts out of nowhere wondering if my sexuality has changed or if im bi or is it just my thoughts? I’ve always had ocd and even in school, the kids would pick at me because I always eat my food in order and by the lightest color. But lately it’s gotten worse. It’s like I’ve never had thoughts like this nor have I ever been like this. Not even when I was a child. And humans question themselves of course but this feels like something different. I’ve gotten distant from my best friend who’s also a girl and I’ve just cut off social media and female friend relationships at all because for some reason my brain tells me that it’s “gay” to even hug your friends or hold their hands anymore like you used to do when you were kids. I even got to a point where I would watch women porn and try to masturbate just to see if I was attracted to it or not like that’s how bad the thoughts got. It felt like an evil voice was in my head trying to convince me and sweet talk me to do and enjoy those disgusting things even when my body didn’t want to. I eventually had confided in my bf about it because he was also a victim of sa and so he helped me through it and I stopped doing it but then and my bf (now ex) broke up a couple days ago and now ive been dealing with this alone which feels like the hardest part for me. So I’ve texted my bff a lot to catch up because I’ve been distant dealing with this and I was just checking my phone awaiting for her responses to my texts because she tends to type slow and usually I never think anything of it because I used to check my phone all the time when I would await my boyfriends reply or simply just a text from him and so now im having thoughts like “why am I awaiting her texts” “do I like my friend?” Its just so many obsessive thoughts and so much overthinking that I am getting tired of because It’s been going on for months so I know this is a lot but please if anyone can please help me I beg, it would be such a great help appreciated bc this has became a really big impact on my life and not in a good way lol. Thank you !!
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