Racism OCD

I grew up believing that all people are equal and deserve to be treated with love and respect. I was always surrounded by black people and went to predominantly black schools. Recently, out of no where, I've felt scared about being around black people out of fear of being perceived as racist. I have an extreme fear now whenever I see a black person. I fear that my anxiety may cause me to inadvertently do something racist. I feel so much shame at the thought that I could be racist but I know that I'm not. Why am I scared of black people then? Why do I try to avoid them? Someone please help me. I'm waiting for my therapist to respond to me so I can get some professional help but I would appreciate any helpful advice on this.

Username: TheocdguitaristTheocdguitarist

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I really struggled with this theme a few months ago, and I still do on occasion. Luckily, my new coworker is black and it has been an awesome exposure opportunity. We get along super well! I know how difficult this theme is and how much shame you can feel. You aren't alone. Whenever the thoughts come up about hating other races, it is really helpful for me to say "maybe I do, maybe I don't." it is hard and takes practice, but it works for me

Username: HavinghopeHavinghope

Date posted: 1y ago

I don't feel so alone now. One of my therapists is black and he is the best therapist I have had in a while. He actually listens to me and provides me with helpful tools. I'm so embarrassed to tell him about this theme of OCD though. I would not want to offend him in any way. I'm glad to hear you are doing better with this and I will try your approach.

Username: ClareBearClareBear

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Havinghope If he is an OCD specialist, he has probably heard it before and would understand what it is and isn’t. But I get it, I struggle with not wanting to upset my therapist by saying certain things even though therapy is supposed to be about talking openly.

Username: TheocdguitaristTheocdguitarist

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Havinghope I once heard about the story of a woman who had OCD who had the obsession that she was attracted to her therapist and would cheat on her husband. She hid the theme for months from her therapist because of how terrified she was of it, but once she told him, they were able to do exposures and she overcame it. I would highly encourage you to tell your therapist, as you have to be honest for them to help you.

Username: ClareBearClareBear

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I have similar thoughts, I worry if I’m around black people they will think I’m racist. It goes back to the “I’m a bad person” Harm OCD for me. It’s a real issue because I do advocacy work and racism overlaps with pretty much all social justice issues and I always worry I will say something that will be perceived as racist. Of course, I try to be educated but the fear is excessive. OCD attacks your values. I value fairness and justice, so OCD makes me excessively afraid of being bigoted or unfair.

Username: HavinghopeHavinghope

Date posted: 1y ago

I have been diagnosed with OCD and have had several themes, but this has to be one of the most debilitating. I don't go out in public and when I do, I'm hypervigilant about seeing someone black or having to interact with someone black. I feel extremely uncomfortable around them and I fear that this means I am racist. I have never disrespected or treated someone black badly but I can't help all the anxiety that I feel in their presence :(

Username: donnocddonnocd

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

OCD attacks what is important to you and exaggerates and distorts things Don't let it win The fact that OCD is ego dystonic we know that OCD uses tricks that evoke thoughts that go against our core beliefs so we know OCD is up to tricks Don't give it fuel.. Its tough but response prevention is important.. OCD starves when we don't respond to it.... It takes a lot of time and practice.. I too am struggling but I understand

Username: T3ddy

Date posted: 5y ago

my biggest obsession is about possibly being racist (i’m confident that i’m not racist). it was germ fear before, but that has subsided and now im obsessed with not being racist. can anyone relate? how do you deal with socially-driven obsessions? i have invasive thoughts whenever i’m around anyone who isnt a close friend.

"Pure" OCD

Username: canigetawitness

Date posted: 3y ago

Racism OCD. Thinking I'm a bad person and feel ashamed around POC I know this is going to sound horrible, but I've recently started to worry when I'm around POC, like im an annoyance. I didn't start to worry like this until a few months ago. I don't know what's happened. I notice myself when I'm on a walk or out in public that I'll start to feel anxiety that I'm racist. Or maybe when I see a POC I automatically assume they think I'm racist? I know I'm white and part of the systemic racism problem & that I'm privileged to be a white man. I consider myself to be a Black Lives Matter/People of Color ally. I just don't know why I'm anxious. I'm pretty sure POC around me can tell as well. I don't know why my anxiety has picked up on this. Does anyone else struggle with this?

Username: canigetawitness

Date posted: 3y ago

Convinced I'm a racist, even though it's the complete opposite of my morals & what I believe. - - - - - - I've currently been struggling with something that is going to make me sound like a piece of shit, even I recognize how messed up it's going to sound. Over the past couple months, I have been worrying about the proper way to interact with POC without coming across as racist. I know, this is already awful. I consider myself to be an ally who supports POC & civil rights movements. I'm ashamed of white people honestly, we've oppressed POC from the beginning of time. I'm personally ashamed of my white ethnicity. I've been even more so in the past year. I feel like my OCD has recently attached to this though. At least, I think it has, or maybe it's guilt knowing I'm white and part of systemic racism problem as a whole. When I pass a POC on the street, or in a place of business, I'll immediately start to get thoughts like "Am I coming across as rude? Am I being nice enough? Am I being too nice? Am I smiling too much? Am I smiling enough? Do I look uncomfortable? This isn't about me, so why am I anxious? Stop being so self centered. Are you appearing racist? What if this POC thinks I'm racist? That's awful to assume what they think. Stop making this about you!" And basically the entire time I'm trying to interact with someone of color, I have all this anxious dialogue in my head and I probably physically appear to be anxious, which in turn I'm sure the other person thinks "Why are they acting so tense/afraid?" It's not that I'm afraid, or dislike POC, I'm way too overly cautious, I recognize that, and it's actually coming across as racist. And I don't want to make this about me, because it's not, I can only imagine the racism POC have to endure on a daily basis. It's like my own OCD/anxiety is getting in the way. I hate it. I want to get over it. I don't know why it's coming up, but I want to get past this.

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