I'm tired of this taking over my life OCD please go AWAY

I'm struggling so much and I need HELP and I wish I could get it I've been in the hospital many times because I didn't wanna be here anymore with this OCD taking over my life and the TIME it's taking AWAY from my LIFE it's been hours and hours days and days and days and the TRAUMA it's brought into my LIFE I'm so sick from this I need help and more time then just 10-12 days not a holding cell I wish I could go to the hospital in Wisconsin or Boston to get the REAL help 😔 I'm so lost with my OCD the checking and rechecking and rechecking and then I'll take Xanax or Ativan to try stop the anxiety and then it can make me feel worse at times I'm just so lost I want the COMPULSIONS to STOP it's hours, days weeks that have been taken away from me and my loved ones and my relationships they're all being slowly deteriorated turning into dust I'm in quicksand and I can't get out I'm just not functioning like a normal person at ALL I suffer with autoimmune diseases as well and I truly believe that they can trigger my mental health issues as well as PTSD and I also believe that drug addictions can happen to someone when you have an OCD and you're trying to find a way to fix one thing and then your creating another MONSTER in the end this can happen most definitely And as well as environmental things which can trigger many and people can trigger as well whether it be mentally, physically or situations they can trigger someone like the thought that you're GOOD ENOUGH for anyone especially those you care for in your LIFE I've been in the hospital eight times and I believe they're HOLDING CELLS yeah they might work for some and maybe they get you into a long term program for some people who are fortunate enough but for me I wasn't fortunate enough like so many others who aren't I was rejected at a time when I really needed the HELP and I felt this wasn't right just because I didn't have the right insurance or because my OCD wasn't the RIGHT OCD for me my OCD is cutting my hair and they wanted to qualify it as body dysmorphia which is absurd OCD is OCD whether it's rumidating thoughts or are you doing a compulsion which also has rumidating thoughts involved there's something else underlining behind it whether it's a physical illness that can trigger it or people in your life or horrible things that have happened throughout your life whatever the case may be PTSD or an overload of STRESS feelings of worthlessness not being able to take care of everybody in the WORLD that you care for feeling like you're an empath and everything that you come across your FEELING and it's too much to take from the WORLD and your not coping with how to deal with it and being able to just let go 😔 I'm an extrovert person and some people would think WOW you're so outgoing you're so easy to talk to why would you suffer with anxiety or depression or anything like that it's funny if you're an introvert and you're more closed in people are more apt to think aw that person's sad something's wrong with that person we should feel sorry for them they need help but when you're an outgoing person it's funny people don't seem to think that way unfortunately for people who are extroverts with free spirit outgoing personalities it's not always so easy for those who are this way to be accepted in the WORLD it's not that easy it's hard for people who are introverts and it's hard for people who are extroverts free spirits the WORLD doesn't always accept those who are different than the norm I suffer with OCD and in my eyes any form of repetitiveness that takes YOU away from your LIFE is an OCD and the mental health industry NEEDS to see it that way One of the hospitals I stayed in they wanted me to speak there about my LIFE and what they could do to make things better there because it was a horrible place to stay in like so many a lot of these hospitals have to CHANGE the way they format their SURROUNDINGS for those who are staying there because really truly a lot of these places are one step away from looking like a PRISON I never did speak there but I should of this industry the mental health industry has to CHANGE I'd make t-shirts for everyone to wear and it would say TRANSPARENCY so much NEEDS to be DONE and everyone NEEDS to do a part👍🏻 I'm a FREE SPIRIT and when I was in the hospital many people would say why are YOU here YOU don't look like YOU belong here isn't that funny but yet I was in the hospital eight times I wasn't fortunate enough to go into a hospital where I could stay for 30 60 or 90 days like they give to drug addicted people and that's not OKAY I think we need to look at OCD as no different than an ADDICTION and there needs to be more places for people to go to where they can stay for 30-90 days to get the RIGHT kind of HELP it's just not RIGHT FUNNY we have ALL kinds of stores on every corner but yet ALL the money that the government said they would put into MENTAL HEALTH where is it and other people have talked about putting together good mental health programs too but WHERE are they for those who are truly suffering and that don't have a GIANT pocketbook FULL of money to put themselves into a good program it's just FAIR and it's NOT ENOUGH we need a mental health store on every corner for ALL and hospitals or maybe not call them hospitals I don't know facilities for ALL those that need the HELP and longer than 10-12 days for those that NEED it so badly but who don't have the MEANS we need more places and programs and there's just NOT enough 😔🌈 And we also need to start bringing back therapy one-on-one or group therapy where people are actually getting together in-person for me I don't do well with talking to people on a computer when it comes to therapy I truly believe one-on-one talking to somebody face to face even if it's just like sitting outside on a beautiful day whatever the case may be we NEED to start bringing that back because for many you'll find that they're not getting the therapy because it's hard for them to do it that way There's just so many things that NEED to CHANGE in this industry and boy do I have a lot of ideas but and I'm not an expert but what I am an expert on is what I've seen and experienced and more has to be DONE that's all I can say and I just wish I could get the HELP I really do I really wish I could qualify to get the HELP because I'm emotionally, physically and mentally spent it's slowly killing me and I feel like my LIFE is being robbed from me for SURE 😔 I really believe that for those who are living with OCD and they don't talk about it are suffering dearly and I'm suffering I actually don't have a problem with talking to others about it which is strange I'm still very uncomfortable when it comes to talking about it but then when I'm really hurting bad I'm looking for help at times I guess when I'm really bad I'm hoping someone will LISTEN and HEAR me And sometimes it's NOT about getting the help really from that person I think I'm just sharing because I care for others and I believe there are many people who are suffering and when you talk about what you're dealing with sometimes you'll find that maybe there's somebody else that's dealing with something similar and they've never expressed how they're feeling and now they're able to open up a little bit and then it's kinda like networking too because you just NEVER know who you might encounter and so sometimes talking about your mental health issues can HELP someone else and yourself too I believe this👍🏻👍🏻 I'm a very open person but yet I'm not getting the HELP I need and I believe we're ALL connected and we need to HELP each other we really do even those who are so sick that have done horrendous things if only those kids that have done those terrible things if only we could have reached into their psyche and stopped something inside them really I truly believe we ALL can do our part when it comes to this 🌈 Just like people can say they have diabetes or some other type of physical illnesse like I went through breast cancer in 2016 and I shared that with others and people were open to listen and maybe share their stories but when you talk about your mental health yeah oh boy the STIGMA of mental health it's so horrible it really is they look at it like "Oh just be HAPPY your alive and it could be worse" or "Oh just STOP doing that don't do that ANYMORE" and then that's when I tell them there are WORSE things in LIFE than DEATH so people need to STOP using DEATH as way to tell someone to get WELL..😵‍💫 So much NEEDS to change in the mental health industry like educating everyone there needs to be a universal program for EVERYONE to take part in and it should really be mandatory for parents as well just thought and then have programs for them to take as their children get older something has to change for REAL You know it's so sad it's just so sad and I'm in tears thinking about this there a lot of people that just don't get it and sometimes I think they want to get it and yet many will tell YOU THEY'RE going through something and that's how they look at it they'll say "We're ALL going through something so GET OVER IT" this is so SAD really yeah many people go through things but it's ALL about how YOU'RE able to cope and go through it and if it's physically mentally emotionally taking over your LIFE this is not OKAY so yes there are some people that can just go through things differently than others and that's just a FACT but mental health still has to be considered MENTAL HEALTH and NOT looked at as if it's NOTHING and to STOP saying to those who are mentally suffering "JUST GET OVER IT!!" Then there are many people out there that are NOT experienced with OCD when it comes to therapy in the mental health industry which is crazy because OCD has become a GIANT when it comes to mental health and yet it's so SMALL on the radar when it comes to those who are educated in knowing how to REALLY HELP those in NEED it's really a SHAME and it's truly TIME things need to CHANGE and I just PRAY that it gets better because this is NOT OKAY This country and the mental health industry has to START creating something out there because there are so many PEOPLE who are SICK in the WORLD and when you see schools being shot up and ALL these things happening in the WORLD and stores being shot up the mental health industry NEEDS to be taken seriously it REALLY does and it's not OKAY we ALL can HELP we really can if we really try and we really CARE and how can you NOT CARE with so much sadness in the WORLD from so many who are mentally not WELL..😥 #TRANSPARENCY #WE ALL CAN DO OUR PART AND CARE 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈