It hurts

I don't know if im just in my phase or this is a mental problem but ive ben exhaused. It already happened for 6 years but i just cant seem to get rid of it. My thoughts keep getting stronger and stronger, they really make me uncomfertable, to the point i stopped eating for a week and just cry in bed. I skipped school and told my parents i was sick. I feel guilty telling my parents because they would think of me as the "imperfect" Child. I told my friends about my conditions but they respond with " I felt that too" " Thats normal" " Ignore them" And they just moved on without helping me. I also started picking my face till all my acne gets iritated, my parents are mad at me for it. I started spending my day by sleeping and playing on my phone, i coulndt care about the outside world anymore baceuse of my stupid intrusive thoughts, i started SH and got so addicted to it, i would find small metal objects and started making marks with it on my left hand. It got to the point where i couldnt handle it anymore and i reached out to my parents but to my surprise, they didnt give me a good respond either. Each time a bad thought comes my heartbeat increases, i started feeling like i was going to throw up, i started crying and loosing my appetite. I can't afford theraphy myself because im just 15, and ive ben reaching for help on any social media platform but nobody noticed me. I just want to end this nightmare of giving into my thoughts and doing the compulsions but it gets really impossible to do it, i always remember my past self being calm and happy unlike now.

Sunshine_:)

Date posted: 2y

Hey! I know I don’t know you but I went through something similar. My OCD started at 11 years old and my thoughts were getting stronger and stronger as more time went on. When I would overcome one thought, another would pop in my head. It was like a game where I couldn’t win no matter how hard I tried or fought. I couldn’t swallow food, breathe sometimes, cried everyday, had pain throughout my body but hid it from my family for 5 solid years. I was the perfect child and then I became a mess. The truth is in order to hide it from my parents, I pushed myself really hard to study. I stopped reading books because the thoughts were a lot louder and stronger. I went into deep depression since there was no escape. Mental health is very tabooed from where I come from and I was scared that I was gonna get locked up for the rest of my life. I was mad at myself - for having this for making myself harder when it doesn’t need to be this hard. I was dealing with a lot of other things at the time and then had to go to a boarding school, which made it sooo much worse. I was adamant about not giving up on any opportunities because then I would think my OCD would win. It was a fight against myself in my head. I will say this - I am doing MUCH BETTER NOW!! I went really really deep into it, physically got hospitalized because my body was shutting down, couldn’t walk, eat, slept for 14 hours everyday for a month only to get up and puke even water. The doctors said I was too deep into it. It was after that my parents realized I need help. I had already opened up to them after 5 years but they thought I was stressed because of academics. They were confused why I was so miserable when I grew up in a middle class family and would go on to tell me about everyone else who was suffering for “real problems”. I fought to go to therapy and my therapist told me “it’s too late”. I refused to believe that! And I will tell you what! I have come soooo far. I went back to my boarding. People were mean but I knew it was imp for my future. I got a scholarship from a prestigious college. I did really well there and got better help and medication. Made amazing friends. I still struggled with OCD but nothing was as bad as those 5-6 years - it was torture. Everytime I spiral I remind myself of the strength I showed back then and remind myself that I can do it! It’s been more than 11 years now and I still struggle with OCD but I am sooooo much better now than before. Take my case as an example that things DO get better! I BELIEVE IN YOU! ❤️Reading this teared me up 🥺. I recently heard about NOCD and I am glad you are here. I haven’t felt so seen before and none of my therapists knew about ERP. With right help, you can conquer your fears and cope with these thoughts quickly!

Sunshine_:)

Date posted: 2y

@Sunshine_:) Also if you want to text me, please feel free so! I wish I had someone who got me back then when I was going through it. I will do as much as I can to help you!

Stevan

Date posted: 2y

@Sunshine_:) Beautiful man… gives a lot of hope.. went through something similiar…the worst part is feeling lonely thinking that you are crazy…been misdiagnosed since I was 17 and at 21 finally got the right diagnosis after I got hospitalised for severe depression that was caused by untreated OCD… never lose hope 💪🏻

Sunshine_:)

Date posted: 2y

@Stevan Yes never lose hope. I have immense respect for people who struggle through OCD everyday because I know how hard it can be. They show true strength and courage. You never really know anyone’s story. I have always been an optimistic person, trying to see the best in people (Ik), joke a lot - no one would believe this. The brightest flame casts the darkest shadows.

Kilo2001

Date posted: 2y

As your parents for therapy. Your insurance might cover it. In the mean time try to do other things instead of sh.

Adi7

Date posted: 17w

Advice please ❤️

Hi ❤️ I’m really struggling right now I’m in my sophomore year of Highschool and I’ve finally started planning or thinking abt my future (for context I was extremely depressed and suicidal from 6-9th grade) After conquering my depression this is a huge leap for me and I’m proud of myself ❤️ But there’s something still holding me down :( and I’m not sure what to do anymore that thing is OCD. Since 6th grade I have had strong and invasive intrusive thoughts all the time they scare me so bad and make me feel as though I’m not even real anymore :( I’m sick of taking the time to do ridiculous compulsions to rid or ease these thoughts it’s a waste of time and energy and it hurts me so bad I feel like I will never get to just live my life without this :( How can I plan my future when I can’t even find myself in this mess of anxiety 💔 I’m so tired of fighting my mental health it’s been years from anxiety attacks to sh to survived suicide attempts (I got help dw❤️‍🩹) and recovery there. Just to be thrown into a storm of awful scary sickening thoughts day and night-when can I just be a normal teenager and possibly a happy adult? How do I conquer this so I can love myself to the fullest and live my life free and happy? :( ❤️❤️‍🩹 I’m so scared to talk to my parents about it I’m ashamed of my thoughts and every time I bring it up they just say I shouldn’t be diagnosing myself or it’s just ADHD. It really really hurts me they have no idea how awful this feels and it makes me feel so alone sometimes 💔

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 17w

Anxious

I'm at my college and don't feel like being here. I didn't even want to come here. I woke up with anxiety bc i feel like i need to solve this. I had a bad stomach ache when i arrived to school and still havent even eaten breakfast yet bc i feel like i have to solve this. Im just so worried bc i have harm thoughts daily. If i could i would remove this! I dont want to think anymore. Its just, how do I know i dont have real urges when I'm feeling a negative emotion like anger or disappointment or annoyance? Im worried EVERY time i feel a negative emotion. Yesterday I was playing video games with my neice (we are close in age range) and she made us lose. She started blaming me and I guess i felt a little annoyed, it really wasnt my fault (dumb mini argument it was more playful since we started laughing but it was a bit annoying). Anyway i got a harm thought while feeling annoyed of me getting off the couch and lunging at her to attack. I immediately look at my bodily reaction and I tense up to stay as still as possible. My stomach was hurting and i wanted to leave as fast as possible. I stood up and turned off the game and said i was tired while making sure to stay back from her (and i had my hands away and stiff) but i felt so uneasy. I laid I bed and felt sad and heavy. And i kept getting thoughts that said "íts only a matter of time before you can't take it anymore". I started to reassurance seek using ai to ask if i was about to or if they are real urges or thoughts i mean until i eventually fell asleep in the middle of the compulsion. Im just so worried, what if I act out impulsevly one day? I dont want to! But what if when feeling a negative emotion, i suddenly dont care and do something? I really dont want to! I dont even want to feel negative emotions anymore since they trigger the thoughts and I dont want to think about any of that. As a result i tend to avoid my family as much as possible bc they are annoying sometimes. I just wish i was all alone sometimes so i wont get any more thoughts and so everyone can be safe. I usually just stay in bed under my blankets all day long to avoid my family and pets. I am constantly uncomfortable. I miss when i would never think any of this. Living life has become very scary for me now. 😞

Rohannn

Date posted: 12w

I really need advice.

I'm 15 turning 16 soon and I'm 100 percent convinced I have ocd.. I have been having major symptoms since I was 13, the constant what ifs, rumination, compulsions, guilt, anxiety from intrusive thoughts. I tried to open up about it to my parents when i was 13 but they dismissed it cause they don't believe in mental health.. I really want to get better. My parents won't listen to me and I don't wanna tell a teacher at school cause that would make things worse as they would just tell my parents and obviously since I'm 15 I can't afford therapy.. I don't know what to do :(

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