Is it possible to start finding the gender you once preferred undesirable? I try to imagine a future with men versus with women, and imagining ending up with men now makes me feel more anxious than being with women and I don’t know why.
OCD will do that. You're hyperaware of your levels of attraction and focussing on them more will allow OCD to find more reasons to doubt. Trying to imagine it and check how you feel is a compulsion to try and answer OCD's questions. Try not to give it what it wants. Tell yourself no thanks, you don't need to check how you feel, you can handle the uncertainty.
@ada110 I know you’re right, it just feels so real right now. I had fantasies before about women, and my brain is telling me that was always my preference. It’s crazy, but I do need to get better at trying not to imagine and compare. I have my first appt with NOCD later today and I’m nervous but ready to get started.
@shopgirl I have fantasies too! It's like the final boss of my SO OCD 🤣 but I never used to worry about them before, and have never felt any desire to act on them or had feelings for a woman in real life. And of course I have been told by a NOCD therapist it's OCD. Honestly even months into therapy it can still feel so real, but I'm learning that it will at times still! Your logical brain tells you what you should be doing and your OCD brain just does not want to listen. You just gotta keep practicing. Wishing you the best of luck with your therapy, you're doing the right thing 😊
@ada110 LOL the final boss, that's so perfect. That was something that always made me anxious because everyone else seemed so disgusted and bothered and I was like... those thoughts never bothered me. But like you, I never felt the urge to act on them, like figured it may happen or it may not. And I never felt like pursuing relationships outside of platonic friendships with women. Thank you for your encouraging words! How long have you been in therapy for?
@shopgirl Thanks, I felt anxious saying that so appreciate your honesty - that will serve you well in therapy. I started with NOCD in August time last year, it's been a harder process than I thought but I'm seeing progress definitely and coming to a deeper level of acceptance and understanding about the whole thing. Everyone's journey and circumstances are different and I had a lot going on in life that was adding stress for a while I think that slowed things down for me. Good luck with your first session 🙂
@ada110 I felt anxious too, but I’m so grateful to know someone else knows how I feel. Thanks for sharing your story with me, reach out if you ever want to talk!
@shopgirl Thanks 💖
im having a unusually hard flare up for two months. ive never had it this bad before (ive had this on and off for many years - thank god not constantly.) lately, i keep having these images in my head and scenarios in my head of me "coming out" in the future and ending my relationship with my amazing fiance who i love dearly. he knows everything but i still feel like i am constantly lying to him, my family, and friends. i need to know that this is something the SO-OCD can do to you? the weird thing is, is that i have never been attracted to woman. i do admire their beauty and wish to LOOK like them or have a specific feature they have, but i dont have any urges to like be with them yet i am dealing with this really bad flare up. My brain keeps telling me that since i have never tried it, i would never know, and i am just getting really distressed from it. i just want to be happy again and it seems impossible. I am convinced i am only person that is using SO-OCD as an excuse. Any guidance or advice, or anything really, will help. i just feel alone and scared and sad all the time.
I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
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