Please reply harm ocd 😞

ikr, i imagine the whole situation and its afterwards, like commiting s or being in jail..

@Jasm9 I play out scenarios in my mind, very detailed ones, my mind makes it feel so real it’s so horrible 😞😞

@Beeboop3- Sorry just to clarify she said “people with OCD experience the thought as if they had committed the act [even though they did not commit the act] and then our brains spiral. Other people think these things and realize ‘oh it’s just a random thought about harming someone lol.’ And then they move on.” Does this make sense? Our brains are just different. We have to remember we HAVE thoughts we are not our thoughts.

@Beeboop3- But why does it feel like I ‘like the feeling of imaging doing that action’ I’ve never experienced this with any other intrusive thoughts only this one about ‘smothering’ like if I had an intrusive thought about a sharp object hurting someone it never feels like ‘I like the feeling of imagining a knife hurting someone’ but with these smothering thoughts it feels like I ‘like the feeling of squashing someone with a pillow’ and it’s really scary and feels real 😞😞

@lu22 It feels real because it’s OCD! Our brains try to convince us of these things, when in reality it’s just a thought. They are even accompanied by sensations sometimes, some people get “groinal” responses. I have experienced this. Chrissy Hodges talks about it on YouTube!

@lu22 Intrusive thoughts can have intrusive feelings too. I’ve had a bunch of those. Last year I spent about six to eight months trying to figure out if I could pull the trigger in a situation that demanded I kill someone. Watched a bunch of military movies and thought about it non stop. Came up with all the scenarios, the whole shebang. It was an obsession like any other obsession I’ve had. I mean that shit was keeping me up at night and causing me to feel all kinds of guilt because I was like “I don’t think I could but maybe I want to?” Then I would go down the rabbit hole of all kinds of situations in which I would want to kill someone. Your OCD, like mine, wants you to feel uncertain about the thought so it makes you feel things too. That’s how it grips your attention and takes you for a ride. The uncertainty makes you think “I could definitely want to smother someone with a pillow” when in reality do you have any plans to smother someone? No. Do you actively seek out situations in which you would be smothering someone with a pillow? No. I would even venture to say you probably avoid situations that involve people and pillows, if you’re anything like me, just in case that aLl pOwErFuL uRgE takes over your brain. You have OCD. We’re good people, you can win.

@Mickey1041 Thank you, your response was very helpful, it seems like after having this problem for over a year now, the idea of it feeling like an ‘urge’ has now morphed into me thinking the urge is me wanting to feel the feeling of doing that horrible action and that I ‘like the feeling’ that’s why it feels like an ‘urge’ but before I remember at the start I use to get an ‘urge’ and I use to be so scared but after having the thoughts for so long and testing myself with thoughts, I’m not as scared or gotten use to it, so now I can stand there deliberately imagining the thoughts Over and over and feeling that feeling of ‘liking the feeling’ and it feels even more real, like I would actually do that and like it. Today I was alone at home I went to wash my hands and my cat was sleeping and I started having the thoughts about smothering and ‘testing myself’ with the thoughts and i got that feeling that I ‘liked the feeling’ of doing that and it felt really real like I would want and like doing that and I didn’t even know why I wasn’t doing it (I know that sounds crazy) but I’ve been worrying about it all day, this happens sometimes where I have moments where it feels like it’s really about to happen and then I worry about it for days, but since it happened today and I was alone, Im worrying about being alone tomorrow and if it feels like I ‘like the feeling’ and i acted on the thought and it’s making me uneasy but feels real. Now I’m worried what if now I’m just desperate to do that and feel what it feels like to do that since it feels like I ‘like the feeling’ I’m just a mess and worried but I. Don’t feel anxious 24/7 I just feel down and constant ruminating but don’t feel ‘terrible’ or ‘guilty’ about the thoughts which makes me think I’m crazy

@Mickey1041 Also since the thoughts are about smothering it’s like you know in movies when it shows a scene of that smothering thing happening to someone, it’s like it shows the other person struggling while that’s happening and sometimes my mind imagines me smothering someone I care about and then struggling and it’s so horrible but I can’t tell that I hate it and it worries me that I like the image of that and I feel terrible about it, Deep down I probably know that it’s not true but it feels real and I worry that I like it, but the thoughts being about an animal or a baby/child worry me more because they are vulnerable and I keep worrying that I would do that and like the feeling of doing that, I’m sorry this is really horrible to talk about, I just don’t understand how I can imagine the thoughts and get instant anxiety/shudders and goosebumps but another time I will imagine it and it will feel like ‘I like the feeling of smothering someone’ and sometimes I think it’s the anxiety that makes it feel like ‘I like the feeling’ I’m so confused I don’t want to like the feeling of something so horrible it’s awful and feels extremely real like I’m actually believing I like the feeling and would want to do thag and it’s scary that I’m believing thag and I don’t know whether it’s true or I’ve been tricked

@lu22 First off congratulations about opening up about this. That is legitimately the first step in the long road of recovery. I had something similar to this when I was going to a bout of HOCD and I was thinking I liked men. Nothing wrong with that of course but for me I’m straight so it was bothering me. By the end I was more confused than I have ever been and honestly just didn’t know what the fuck to do. I had stuff that got me out of it, for you you really ought to try our ERP. That will definitely help you through this.