???💔

Having ocd are you also afraid to have sex with your partner? I have a terrible problem with this and don't know what to do. Before, it did not cause me any difficulty.

huma (home-ah)

Date posted: 2y

I was afraid for a while to have sex with my partner, because I knew it would summon unwanted images and thoughts in my head. I don’t know exactly what your situation is, but this is how I dealt with it: While making room for consent and differentiating when I genuinely didn’t want to have sex and when it was the avoidance compulsion, I just went for it, despite the fear (This is before I realized I might have ROCD). When the thoughts and images came, I let them be there; I looked at them for a second and said to them, “Okay. Fine,” and then brought my focus to something like his arm tattoo, or the feeling of the bed sheets, or I would kiss him to return to the moment and choose closeness instead of avoidance. Sometimes it happened multiple times a session and I just had to repeat it again. He has no idea—I never said anything to him about it. I just kept on with this method and was afraid it would never go away, but… I don’t really struggle with it anymore. It started in November/December of last year, and for a couple months now it hasn’t shown up again. Keep going with it—it will feel monotonous and repetitive and frustrating but just keep doing it, keep going. The fears and thoughts are normal, but they’re not bigger than you. They can’t control you. You’ll get to where they won’t bother you so much anymore.

huma (home-ah)

Date posted: 2y

@huma (home-ah) Omg this was far longer than I wanted it to be, sorry. TLDR: I let the fear be there, and returned to the present moment—over and over until eventually it didn’t bother me anymore. (***ALSO: If you’re afraid to have sex with your partner because you’re afraid of *them,* or they’re hurting you, or you’re not consenting, that’s something different! Abuse is never okay!)

halem77

Date posted: 2y

@huma (home-ah) I’m struggling with this and it’s hard because when I’m so anxious, tmi, I tighten up or lose lubrication and then it becomes uncomfortable. It’s like I can’t calm myself down and then on top of being prone to vaginal infections 😔 I’ve become so afraid and avoidant

huma (home-ah)

Date posted: 2y

@halem77 That’s so frustrating! I’m so sorry. That’s okay though and a super normal reaction. Have you gotten to talk to a therapist about it? Do you have any tools to work on this with?

halem77

Date posted: 2y

@huma (home-ah) I’m just starting therapy in a week! What tools helped you besides being present?

huma (home-ah)

Date posted: 2y

@halem77 I just started, myself! My intake was Monday but I’m hoping this appointment I can learn a tool or two to help me through my moments too. Before OCD therapy, my regular therapist recommended DBT (dialectical behavior therapy). I’m still not completely solid on the process, but she advised me to examine my thoughts, fears unbiasedly, and then examine the urge I have (to run, to fight, to hurl irrational questions at my partner), and make myself do the literal opposite. What follows is a merging acceptance of factual truth and fearful irrational thoughts, but… I’m still not solid on how that fits in with OCD, lol. I’m hoping with my OCD therapist, Bill, we can find out new ways to work with this. Should we share our findings with each other after our appointments? 🤔

22jay12

Date posted: 2y

I’ve had experiences like this recently. I would get with girls and want to have sex and once I’m on em, I start getting unwanted images of guys and then I start panicking and I don’t get erected

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