all i know is the "maybe maybe not" but the doubts and rumination still going, also in fact i cant accept that my thoughts are ego dystonic or that i have insight at all, what should i do or say to myself?
I sometimes just try to agree. If my mind is telling me something I am scared of I just say sure, why not? It is super scary at first. But I think it gets me thinking. Okay what if this is true? Life will go on. What if I am a horrible person? Who cares? I am still here. My loved ones are still here. The world is still spinning. What if I hurt someone I love? Sure I did. Who cares. They will be okay. What if I did the worst thing imaginable? Okay, yeah I did that. I am still alive, I still have my things, my home. People are still walking around. The world is not ending, it is not the worst things.
are you doing good now?
Hey man, I hope you're doing alright, I find that while you have to be kind to yourself, you kind of have to kick yourself in the butt. Holding yourself responsible for the ruminating is the most important part. If you find yourself ruminating, it's ok, but you've got to relax and try to stop. Getting out and doing things are also super helpful. Have you ever not wanted to go somewhere, but someone made you and you had a great time? It's the same concept here. You also have to be willing to take the "chance" that they aren't ego dystonic and that they're true. Because if they were, you'd be relaxed with it. It's like stepping on an elevator, the crack getting on is tiny but if you stare at it long enough, you can convince yourself that it is a big and dangerous hole. Also, I find that having interesting conversations outside of OCD are really helpful. Even if it seems impossible, you have to be able to talk about something and connect with another person regardless of OCD. Gotta show yourself that you're still a human outside of OCD. Sorry if this is kind of erradic I'm just trying to help, and obviously that's just my opinion and what I try to do.
I go through the same! I have the same question
When an intrusive thought comes I can’t just say “that’s not true” and just move on. I always feel like I have to disprove the thought and be able to say it with confidence but the problem is that the ocd doesn’t allow me to feel and say it with confidence so I get stuck for hours or even days. How can I stop feeling like I need to do this?
so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.
I think when people are saying OCD is egodystonic is really triggering me and I was just wondering if this has happened to anyone else? I’m going through a really bad relapse and right now I’m trying to figure out if my thoughts are truly egodystonic, like I how do I know I won’t act on them, how can I trust my emotions and everything. I feel really confused and I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore or how I carry on with life because it’s so long and I’m so unsure of everything that’s going on in my head. Like how do I know that this is OCD and true desires/urges. I’m so confused.
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