all i know is the "maybe maybe not" but the doubts and rumination still going, also in fact i cant accept that my thoughts are ego dystonic or that i have insight at all, what should i do or say to myself?
I go through the same! I have the same question
I sometimes just try to agree. If my mind is telling me something I am scared of I just say sure, why not? It is super scary at first. But I think it gets me thinking. Okay what if this is true? Life will go on. What if I am a horrible person? Who cares? I am still here. My loved ones are still here. The world is still spinning. What if I hurt someone I love? Sure I did. Who cares. They will be okay. What if I did the worst thing imaginable? Okay, yeah I did that. I am still alive, I still have my things, my home. People are still walking around. The world is not ending, it is not the worst things.
are you doing good now?
Hey man, I hope you're doing alright, I find that while you have to be kind to yourself, you kind of have to kick yourself in the butt. Holding yourself responsible for the ruminating is the most important part. If you find yourself ruminating, it's ok, but you've got to relax and try to stop. Getting out and doing things are also super helpful. Have you ever not wanted to go somewhere, but someone made you and you had a great time? It's the same concept here. You also have to be willing to take the "chance" that they aren't ego dystonic and that they're true. Because if they were, you'd be relaxed with it. It's like stepping on an elevator, the crack getting on is tiny but if you stare at it long enough, you can convince yourself that it is a big and dangerous hole. Also, I find that having interesting conversations outside of OCD are really helpful. Even if it seems impossible, you have to be able to talk about something and connect with another person regardless of OCD. Gotta show yourself that you're still a human outside of OCD. Sorry if this is kind of erradic I'm just trying to help, and obviously that's just my opinion and what I try to do.