- Date posted
- 2y
vent
i’m scared i’ve just invalidated my boyfriends feelings and i’m therefore an abusive partner. i’ve been grumpy with him today for other reasons. feeling like he doesn’t care enough. i think it’s slightly rocd driven and i can’t tell if it’s a fair reason or not which doesn’t help so i’ve been feeling off with him / have found communication hard. we’re long distance for context. he was then complaining about how much our two friends have been bickering with eachother (they’re all travelling together right now). and i sort of shut him down and made his anger towards this problem seem silly. i think it annoyed me because i don’t see bickering as that serious. like it’s okay to be a BIT petty sometimes. similar to how you are with siblings. it’s funny! my boyfriend is very mature and to be honest i think it makes me feel childish and silly at times. so when he complains about other people’s immaturity, it makes me feel worse. like he’s so much better / morally superior. or too serious? idk. i think it’s a me problem at the end of the day. so when he was complaining about this, i was kinda shutting him down. and i feel really anxious about this now. anxious because: 1) this is something abusive partners do. they gaslight their partner into thinking they’re unreasonable for their feelings. i’m worried i did this to him. he began to say ‘maybe it’s not that deep’ when he was complaining and it made me feel so guilty. like i’d led him to believe he was being silly. 2) i’m scared he won’t confide in me again now because i was so dismissive. he’s said he’s grateful for me before because he can tell me anything. now what if he can’t? halfway through the chat, i realised i was maybe invalidating him and tried to stop. i also apologised to him for being dismissive. he didn’t seem to notice or care that i’d done so. but i’m scared i’ve subconsciously affected him forever now. i’m scared i was manipulative and abusive and terrible. but i still felt a bit angry about the earlier stuff. and then afterwards i felt anxious and guilty about what i’d done because of that anger in the first place. it’s all just a mess. i can’t tell if i’m an abusive partner here! or did an abusive thing.