At first I was worrying about one thing then that went away and then I worried about another and that kept happening and now I’m worrying about multiple things I just want to feel at peace. I only feel like myself late at night I don’t know why maybe because I’m tired but I cry because I feel like myself and I miss that. I feel like absolute crap every morning I feel like I’m losing myself and it scares me
It’s the opposite for me. I feel worse at night and can’t sleep. I’ve been thru harm ocd. Still have it playing in the background sometimes. You will get thru this. Try not to run away from your fear. Face it. It gives you the power and control back. Try to observe your thoughts without judgement. Without talking to them or reasoning with them. Isolate your thoughts and just allow your emotions to be.
@Brooklyn_99 I’m trying to do that but it’s so hard, I don’t understand how my brain can get stuck and I can’t think like how I used to it makes me so sad.
i could easily deal with it if they where just thoughts, but intrusive harm feelings is hell on earth
@kaio16 Right??! And I hate it because before all this if I had thought about these thoughts I would’ve been that wtf and then go on with my day but now I just dwell on it and question everything it is horrible.
@Chihuahuaprincess i feel you so much, i question myself to the point where i dont know about choosing even the smallest decisions
@Chihuahuaprincess Same!!!
@kaio16 Exactly, i hate leaving the house now I just wanna sit and cry I have no joy and anything and it makes me so upset cause I was so excited for many things this year.
My OCD has weaponized my past. And the fact it has something tangible to work off of I can't disregard is torture at points. I actually feel better in the mornings up until around 10 or 11 am, then it seems to go downhill from there. I'm trying to practice self compassion as I give that empathy to everyone else, but it's really fucking hard when your thoughts tell you there's definitely someone out there who would want me to suffer. I know I don't have to assume the opinions of others, but then it almost feels like I'm choosing to believe I deserve empathy because it serves me and what I actually deserve is worse.
@seagull2 My rule of thumb is, if I didn’t worry about it before the OCD hit, then it’s a lie and false and I should forgive myself and move on.
@Brooklyn_99 That's actually helps a lot, thank you💛
@♡Lisztomania♡ Your welcome. OCD is a little whiny bitch. Look at it for what it is.
Yup. This shit is a nightmare. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever gone thru. I’m sure it’s the same for you guys. We will all get thru this together though!
Sometimes I worry that I don’t have ocd and that I’m losing my mind and that I’ll never feel better again. I was starting to feel really good last night and I thought it was finally over so I went ahead and did a lot of the stuff I enjoyed doing before this happened (the reason I had to stop was because certain things were triggering in either one way or another) but eventually I hit a point where I just could not bring myself to do something because it was causing too much anxiety. I got this horrible image last night in a dream and then I began to get a flurry of bothersome thoughts, so now I have 2 obsessions to worry about now. The first one is kind of in control but I’m just afraid what’s going to happen to my brain and I’m worried about having an episode in front of my family, who I’m supposed to be having a small dinner with today. I don’t want to tell them what’s going on but I’m afraid they’ll notice that I’m not well. I’m never present because I’m always in my head analyzing and ruminating and worrying. The feeling last night gave me hope that I could be myself again but I just worry that these thoughts will always linger and make me lose my mind. :(
I woke up today terrified cause I didn’t feel connected to my body. I looked in the mirror and thought I was watching someone else and that was scary. Feeling depersonalized fueled my intrusive thoughts. Like “what if I’m going crazy”, “what if I have shifted personalities” or “what if I’m bipolar.” The fear of turning crazy also fueled the intrusive thoughts of me acting mentally crazed or like a child. These intrusive thoughts also tainted me into believing that everything I did was something a mentally crazed person would do. Now I have become more hyper aware of how I feel when I do simple things. This also fueled my OCD subtypes like harm/ suicidal because I think that if I’m not connected to my body then I have no control or might do irrational things. This feeling of not being connected to yourself is really scary and I hate the feeling. How do I get connected with myself again.
Woke up this morning immediately looking for the thoughts that I’ve been having even though i don’t want to think about them. I feel like i ended up bringing them upon myself and then i had a super gruesome thought and have been worrying about it all morning. Is it possible to bring thoughts upon yourself? Is it ocd or is it just me? I’m just so scared of going “crazy” that i keep looking for thoughts deciding if it’s me or not if you know what i mean. It’s such a scary feeling When you feel like you don’t know who you are 😭 i literally am just petrified of completely losing sense of who i am and doing something bad and being locked away forever. Is it possible to just turn bad? Does anybody know what i mean by that? Like you secretly have a double ego and completely turn into somebody different? Does anyone else experience this? Is it ocd? I’m so scared i feel like i can never catch a break.
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