Advice needed

I’m personally very against long distance relationships, but what I wanted to contribute is that even if y’all stay broken up (a break is the same thing as a break up to me) it does not mean you are losing your battle with OCD. Ultimately, dealing with OCD is a bit like a war. Even if you personally feel a battle was lost, that doesn’t mean the war is lost. Far from it. Many wars that are ultimately won have a history of battles. Not every single battle was won, but what’s important is that the war was ultimately won (in this analogy). You will have another victory sometime, even if you feel like this was a personal loss for you. There’s a lot of great people out there, including men, but a scarcity mindset will prevent you from seeing that. I’m not sure if perfectionism ocd is another subtype you struggle with, but it could be playing a role. I used to over idealize the men I was in long distance relationships with. As I’ve learned is the case, you can find a much better or equivalently great person who doesn’t live far away. Long distance relationships are not all that fun, even for people with avoidant attachment styles. You deserve a great relationship in person and it’s not a bad thing if you and this person don’t end up together forever. Many fish in the sea! While this lesson took me a long time to learn, I didn’t know I had OCD until very recently. The harmful stereotypes about OCD really suck. I am not someone who is obsessed with cleaning spaces and keeping things extremely tidy. It’s wonderful you know about the NOCD app and are seeking treatment. ERP therapy has helped me so much and I’m not even done yet. (*Disclaimer, I am unsure if this is truly helpful or not for you personally as I’m early on in my OCD treatment. So I apologize if this ultimately was not helpful to you. I write this with very positive intentions, but I apologize if it is indeed harmful to you.)

*I also have the Relationship OCD subtype

I’m glad you found value in my comment and analogy. I’m curious why you don’t expect an in person relationship, but that’s up to you if you’d like to go into that. I know some people have very different expectations of intimacy and human connection in relationships. If something is truly fulfilling on a soul level, it most likely is the best fit for us.