I don’t know what to do anymore

I keep having bad outbursts of shouting/screaming crying and people around me keep saying I’m mad and my mum says that I need a carer or that I should get a carer and that’s making me feel like there’s actually something really wrong with me and that I’m not normal and it’s like I hate being at home like I feel like all my problems are there and when I’m out the house i feel a lot better and like a weight is lifted off my shoulders and I feel happier, the only thing that helps distract me from my harm ocd is going shopping or going to visit people like my aunty or my grandparents, socialising really helps me feel normal and when my ocd gets really bad I absolutely don’t want to be at home and the only way it gets better is if I do things I enjoy like shopping or visiting family and then I can calm down and start feeling like the ocd isn’t such a huge problem, but I’m not independent at all I’ve never been anywhere by myself and I’m too scared too, I was overprotected a lot and rely on my mum for everything so if she decides she doesn’t want to go out anywhere I start feeling really bad and we start arguing and I start crying and screaming and it feels like my body is being affected as well, like my hands get really hot when I get angry or one of my arms starts feeling pressure or like it gets hot and feels weird but it only happens in one arm when I’m like shouting and crying, or I feel a lot of strain in my head and one time my hand started swelling up when I was angry, she thinks I’m having tantrums because I want to spend all the time enjoying myself when In reality I’m just trying to do something to help myself forget about the ocd and I feel so unheard I keep telling her and explaining how I feel and she thinks I’m just having tantrums and tells me I’m being controlling and I’m selfish, but I’m suffering so much with this problem no one even knows and she thinks I’m just having tantrums because I want to go shopping and I just don’t know anymore I feel so trapped I don’t know where to turn

Molly_g

Date posted: 2y ago

Hey hun. Breathe. Take deep breaths, you’re ok. I actually really get you. I went through this a lot a couple years back, it’s calmed a bit now on this side of things, but I used to really struggle. It’s good that you’ve found the things that help you, being distracted by doing enjoyable things is a great idea. Same with me, I have to go out and do things I enjoy when I’m restless and wrapped up in OCD stuff. It’s horrible that my family don’t understand when I’m not content. Please know: there’s nothing wrong with you, BUT, you are dealing with one of the most difficult mental health disorders that there is, just like all of us on here. You are not alone, and reaching out is so brave of you! When things are calm, ask your mum to sit down with you for a chat and a cuppa, and just talk about how you feel and how ocd is so controlling. Your mum will appreciate your honesty and calmness, and let her know how important it is for you to have her support. (I’m sure she already does support you, but yeah.) I have awful meltdown outbursts too where crying, screaming and feeling physically affected always happens. It’s horrid, I know. And they are not tantrums, they are simply the most horrible bully - OCD - taking control, and what you need to do is to take time to calm down. Deep breathing, strategies, etc. When you are calm, you can work things out, because there is always a solution. :)

Defcollin

Date posted: 21w ago

Need help

Everyday just gets worse and worse and there’s no way to escape the cycle. This constant feeling of dread and guilt I can’t stand it. I have no one to talk to about any of this because I have a fear of them thinking of me different and I don’t like putting my problems on people it just makes me feel like I want attention or something like even when I’m writing this paragraph. I’m stuck in a constant loop. Constant aggressive thoughts and compulsions. I’m 18 and I don’t know about any of my insurance or anything so I can’t get a therapist on here and I really don’t wanna talk to my mom about any of this. I dread having to wake up everyone morning and continue with this shit all day every day. I hate complaining but I just can’t stand this. I don’t know what to do. I’m slowly losing every inch of my mind.

malolin_21

Date posted: 16w ago

Hey:) I just want to vent

I’m feeling kind of sad cause today was not a really good day in terms of my ocd. I was feeling kind of foggy/numb and that send me to spiraling. I’m 21 years old currently studying but my family has been having trouble with money for the last couple years(we’re just me and my mom) and I kinda want to get a job but everything is far from my home and I wouldn’t be able to return back at night, also it’s either way more expensive to move or the schedule wouldn’t let me take my classes. The point is that because of that every time my mom is stress tends to treat me bad, she speaks to me like I’m stupid or she just screams to nothing cursing all life and everything and that actually makes me feel soo bad and guilty for not doing anything, I know it’s hard for me to get a job that actually helps us without quitting school but that doesn’t stop me from feeling like I’m a burden. I want to help, I want to maybe hug her or something but I know she will be angrier and probably will reject it. So that’s it, I just feel like she punishes me for the stress she’s carrying and I get it but one day is happy and it feels like all love and the next is treating me like that, Idk it’s hard (also I feel like I shouldn’t be saying this cause it’s all my fault) 🫤

frannyb

Date posted: 12w ago

I can't do this anymore

I can't live with OCD anymore. It's ruining my life. I feel like I'm being constantly bullied in my own mind all day everyday. I don't know if what I think and feel is ever real or normal or okay, what is me and what is the OCD thoughts. I don't know if any of my experiences are normal. I'm exhausted from picking apart every single conversation I ever have with anyone until I'm strung out by a vague and ambiguous feeling of guilt. I'm tired of feeling like I'm a bad person and feeling scared all the time and not knowing why and having my brain spin me out on an endless spiralling train of thoughts that never goes anywhere and just makes me feel disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I don't know what I feel and if what I feel is normal or if anything I am doing is real and actually me or if I'm 'losing my mind.' I don't even know if this makes any sense. I get into these states of mind where every thought in my head and everything I feel and perceive makes me question my own sanity. I don't know if anyone likes me because I have absolutely no concept of what I am actually like. I feel completely lost and confused CONSTANTLY.

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I don’t know what to do anymore

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