Please someone help.

would really appreciate if you help me out. I'm a teenager whose parents won't send me to therapy and can't afford one right now. It's been 2 months since I've first had the thought- am I in love? It was out of nowhere and ever since then for the past two months I've had these thoughts every single day. There have been many. To the point I once even decided to break up. But the anxiety the thoughts brought were a kind of reassurance that it's not me it's my rOCD. but lately, these thoughts don't affect me. They just come and I am not scared or annoyed or irritated. Makes me feel like what I'm feeling is true. It's scary. I've finally gotten over the urge of break up but now I feel like my boyfriend doesn't matter to me anymore. That I don't love him or even care a bit. Like nothing he does is gonna affect me. He makes no difference and I know these thoughts are not true but then I don't feel anything that'll prove it otherwise. I dont feel good or bad or anything about him which is weird for me because i even feel stuff about the people who have hurt me bad whereas this man is the love of my life. It does not hurt but i know im hurt Deeply.. We are on a break right now and I'm in a long distance relationship which makes it harder but days are now going by naturally and I'm not feeling depressed like before. I desperately want to get out of this and go back to being the loving and caring girlfriend i once was. Its feeling like somehow im blocking out my emotions and whenever i try and think about him in a loving way, i feel restless, uneasy. Can you please just give me some advice on my situation or what to do. I really need one right now. I know I love him. It just is so confusing. It will really mean a lot.