- Date posted
- 2y
Is there a name for this category of OCD?
Please, please, please help me name this if you can. Also, no trigger warning because it is not very graphic, however, I do detail compulsions in this post. This is an obsession and source of compulsions I have struggled with all of my life, and undoubtedly the strongest one. A brief explanation: I experience obsessions, compulsions, paranoid feelings and severe anxiety over the idea of some unknown being, in my home, being a threat to myself. Triggers: Doors, corners, the dark, being alone, depictions of eyes, noises. Intrusive thoughts: Scary figure, threats of violent physical harm to myself (not caused by myself), helplessness. specifically, it occurs with the concept of the space behind things I can’t see through; things like corners, shower curtains, and doors. I always feel as though I am being watched in my own home, even though I don’t believe I am; I always feel as though I am about to be attacked, and sometimes I fixate on different ways I might be attacked. Basically, I never feel safe because this is always in my mind and manifests in different ways. For example: If I have to open a door, at any time, in my own home, I will suddenly have the powerful intrusive thought of some ambiguous threatening figure, which feels like a character from a horror movie. I imagine it waiting for me on the other side and then I have to build up my own courage to open doors, go through thought processes, look around corners, check if I’ve locked the front and back door, and shower with the curtain open (and door locked), and sometimes I can’t even bring myself to overcome it. I am terrified of home intrusion, is that part of it? It also occurs alongside my symmetry obsession. I have to put blankets over any empty spaces like the space under the door and completely close my window curtains (even then, I don’t feel safe.) Also, if I have decorations in my home with eyes, I have to cover them all with sticky notes. I never feel safe in my own home. I never experience this in public. Fixating on being attacked in my own home by something always occurs alongside the compulsions. Ex: I might be alone and get the intrusive thought of someone stabbing me, and then, I can’t get it out of my mind. My anxiety immediately spikes, and if I hear any small noises at all, it could send me into a panic attack. Sometimes a noise is what triggers it too; if i hear any noise in my own home that I didn’t cause, I immediately feel like I am about to die. I always have to have my back to a wall in my home in some way, and even then, I just FEEL like something scary is in the space around me. It is pretty debilitating and I usually call my boyfriend so that I don’t feel alone at home, but I can’t always depend on him. Does any of this sound familiar at all? It would be a huge help to me if anyone could relate to this or even just help me categorize it.