- Date posted
- 2y ago
People with so-ocd in relationships
Hello everyone. I just wanted to know is there anyone with soocd that is in a relationship?? How do you cope and be happy or content in your relationship??
Hello everyone. I just wanted to know is there anyone with soocd that is in a relationship?? How do you cope and be happy or content in your relationship??
I do! I also have rocd. Its hard but I’ve gotten ok at telling myself “maybe I am maybe I’m not” and just doing to the opposite of what I want to do because of ocd. So say I want to avoid giving my boyfriend a kiss because I dont want to start questioning whether I liked it which would lead to me questioning my sexuality- I kiss him anymore. Say I have a compulsion to look at a girl for a long period of time to see if I’m attracted to her- I resist the questioning and tell myself “maybe I am maybe im not.”
@hiitsemmy Anyway* not “anymore”
I am so sorry can I ask one more question Thank you for responding as well. Have you ever had the thought it may be because you haven't experimented with the same sex that is why you don't know??
@Anonymous Yeah I used to have that thought too. I am bisexual and I’ve had a girlfriend! Having a girlfriend didn’t make the thoughts go away. I still feel the way that “well maybe I just didnt do enough sexual stuff with her to truly know if im gay” but when I find myself thinking in black and white like im either gay or straight then I know its ocd. I also know its ocd when I feel urgency to figure out the answer or I get so scared im going to have to leave my boyfriend if I find out im gay. I try my hardest to accept the thoughts and to remind myself to just say “maybe, maybe not.” Also dont apologize for having questions! it really helps to talk with someone who experiences the same things
@hiitsemmy I know you weren't responding to me but oh my god, what you were saying about Black and White making you know it's OCD... as a bisexual with brutal SOOCD who always feels like it has to be one or the other, thank you
@hiitsemmy Thank you for answering my questions I keep having thoughts that I should experiment and if I did I would know even though I don't have genuine desire or want to do so. I just want the questioning and doubts to stop even though I am happy and fulfilled in my relationship.
I’ve just recently found out that Relationship OCD is a thing. I feel like I relate but it also feels like relationship trauma. I’m in a fairly new relationship and I keep telling myself that things are going great, we are good, he cares for me, but does he? There’s this unbelievable amount of self doubt that sits in me because of what my ex did to me many months ago. I kept getting told that I do too much, i smother, need constant reassurance, then got told that I don’t care enough, the things I do aren’t enough and that I’m not enough. I feel like I am waiting for the day that I get broken up with because of these “problems” just so I can be proven right at the fact that I should be considered unlovable. I go through this every month around my period because I get so emotional and nervous that I stress over the idea that he doesn’t like me. How does someone continue a relationship with Relationship OCD? How do I explain it?
Looking back, my introverted nature and struggles to find belonging in high school may have set the stage for how OCD would later impact my relationships. I had my first relationship in high school, but OCD wasn’t a major factor then. It wasn’t until my longest relationship—six years from age 18 to 24—that OCD really took hold. The relationship itself wasn’t the issue; it was what happened after. When it ended, I became obsessed with confessing past mistakes, convinced I had to be completely transparent. Even when my partner was willing to work past them, I couldn’t let go of the intrusive thoughts, and that obsession landed me in the hospital. From there, my struggle with ROCD (Relationship OCD) fully emerged. For years, every time I tried to move forward in dating, doubts consumed me. I would start seeing someone and feel fine, but then the questions would creep in: Do I really like her? Do I find her attractive? Is she getting on my nerves? What if I’m with the wrong person? I’d break things off, thinking I was following my true feelings. But then I’d question: Was that really how I felt, or was it just OCD? I tried again and again, each time hoping I could “withstand it this time,” only to fall back into the same cycle. The back and forth hurt both me and the person I was with. By the time I realized it was ROCD, the damage had been done, and I still hadn’t built the tools to manage it. Now, at 28, I know I need to approach dating differently. I recently talked to someone from a dating app, and my OCD still showed up—questioning my every move, making me doubt my own decisions. I haven’t yet done ERP specifically for ROCD, but I know that’s my next step. Just like I’ve learned tools for managing my other OCD subtypes, I need a set of strategies for when intrusive doubts hit in relationships. My goal this year is to stop letting uncertainty control me—to learn how to sit with doubt instead of trying to “figure it out.” I want to break the cycle and be able to build something healthy without my OCD sabotaging it. I know I’m not alone in this, and I know healing is possible. I’m hopeful that working with a therapist will help me develop exposures and thought loops to practice. I don’t expect to eliminate doubt entirely—after all, doubt is a part of every relationship—but I want to reach a place where it doesn’t paralyze me. Where I can move forward without constantly questioning whether I should. And where I can be in a relationship without feeling like OCD is pulling the strings. I would appreciate hearing about your experiences with ROCD. Please share your thoughts or any questions in the comments below. I’d love to connect and offer my perspective. Thanks!
I’m new to the app and wanting to know who else experiences this form of ocd. Some background I was a therapist for over 10 years now I am out of the clinical space. So I have background knowledge of ocd but never knew much about relationship ocd. I realized over the last several years with my now fiancé, that I have a hard time just letting go in general, whether that’s an argument or statement or feeling. I want to be able to just accept things at face value and move on (and talk later if my partner is ready as needed). But when conflict arises I can’t disengage till there is a clear resolution. It’s causing serious strife as he can feel trapped and it escalates the argument. I am reading more and this sounds like relationship OCD. Anyone else experience this? Curious on what others have done to work on this for themselves. I do have a therapist but we are not doing work in this area yet as I am realizing this is an actual concern.
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