Will I ever want to live again

Right now I just don’t want to live anymore and even thinking about a future where I’m better I’ll still never be normal again I don’t know if I can handle that I would rather be dead than never be normal again even if I get better even if OCD doesn’t affect me everyday anymore I don’t think that will be enough for me I don’t want to live if I can’t live normally I’ll never be able to relate to another person I know again and even worse no one’s suppose to reassure me I could be on the verge of death and I can’t be reassured I hate this I hate worrying about everything having to always check if its a compulsion I just want my mom to hold me and tell me everything’s gonna be ok but she can’t she’s not suppose to I just want to be normal again If anyone sees this who has recovered will I ever feel normal again or will I always feel like this freak and monster

lesley68

Date posted: 2y

Please, please go now and show your mum this so that she understands how bad you're feeling. You need support right now. I've been where you are and I promise you will feel better. Right now, you're overwhelmed and you need support. If you're alone, call the Samaritans or 911. Please know that you will not always feel like this xxx

Brooklyn_99

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

It does get better. I promise. There is a whole life of freedom waiting for you on the other side. Even if you can’t imagine it or feel the hope. It is there. Please feel free to message me on my Snapchat. It’s djbridgewashere. I’ve dealt with so many different themes of OCD and I know the depression that walks with it. You are NEVER alone. We are all here with you.

Amanda Denholm

Date posted: 2y

I can relate. I know that feeling very well. I felt exactly like you, word by word. It’s horrible and devastating. As a big time pessimist I thought That I was doomed that there was no way out. Every minute. I used to be stuck in bed ruminating and obsessing and actively avoiding life for the best part of my day. But then it does get better, there is a way out, it’s just not an easy one. I’m far from being ok, but I see and feel bits of life and desire coming back a little more day after day and this gives me hope. It makes me want to do the work. Mind you, I still have that horrible feeling, but it’s not so predominant as it used to be, and it feels like I’m managing to silence it a little bit more each day. And when it comes, well i just try to show my middle finger to it. Flip it off. It’s a long and hard way out but it’s feasible! This is not a “hang in there” or “you got it champ” comment really. I just wanted you to share my experience which feels so relatable to yours and just tell you that for such a long time I believed there was no hope for me, that I was doomed. And even though I’m quite far from being alright at the moment, I don’t feel that way anymore (at least not all the time) and I know that if I keep doing the work I will find my balance. which does not mean I will get rid of my mental and physical issues, but I’ll manage to not to let them affect my life and live a fulfilling one. You catch my drift… Just wanted to tell you you’re not alone and that there’s a way out and the fact you’re here posting about your feelings is already a good start. I don’t wanna be patronising, just support you.

Cornelius123

Date posted: 2y

Don’t give up. OCD is a bully that preys on fear. We are afraid of the world and ourselves. The goal isn’t to be fearless, it’s to be ok with being scared. If an unexpected thing happens, we may be scared but we don’t lose our cool. The opposite of fear is hope. Have hope in yourself and your future, and don’t be afraid to ask for help in your journey

Uhhhh15

Date posted: 22w

New theme

Hi again :c I’ve been having terrible thoughts of hurting my loved ones I’ve stopped watching horror movies which is my favorite genre and can’t even watch or read anything related to violence even if it’s just a video or movie talking about it, I get triggered so fast I really miss feeling that relief with my mom I miss my mom so much and I just don’t know what to do anymore I almost committed last weekend from how scared I was and Ik your thinking will you try again? idk I’m not sure, one day I might say “no” next I’ll plan it out, but truth be told I don’t want to die I want to live a normal life, I want to stay with my mom and my family, I love my family and my grandma and my older brother..I’m so sick of feeling this feeling, I’m tired of arguing with my brain, I want to be with my mom and spend time with her like I used to, but I can’t stand that thought of hurting them it makes me shake and I feel this pain in my chest, my OCD has been trying to convince me all those crime docs and stuff I’m into turned me this way but that’s impossible since I’ve never thought like this before I’m just tired that’s all Idek know what I’m looking for saying this..prolly just to vent or to know if this will ever go away..

kitchensink234

Date posted: 14w

Hopeless

I know everything im dealing with is OCD. I have accepted that, but I just feel down. I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this. I just want to be free from this horrible illness. Any positive stories and recovery journeys will help. What did recovery look like for you? I used to be so happy, I miss it so much. This feels like it’s taken everything from me. How do you just live your life despite how you feel? Any hope will help!

neverdealing...

Date posted: 13w

Confused and it makes me feel stupid

I’m definitely having an episode right now. A few times I’ve thought about coming onto this app and writing something but then I spiral further and further and I forget about anything except what’s triggering me. Then I think about this app again and intend to write a post… but again I’m spiraling too hard to focus on anything else. But I finally ended up here because I got an email from NOCD. I opened it and read about someone who ‘overcame their OCD.’ It made me spiral harder, because I genuinely don’t understand how someone can control this. How do I stop? How do I silence my brain? I was told to sit with my thoughts and not try to divert them, but if I do that I have an extreme episode so bad that I feel disconnected from myself. I looked at myself in the mirror and it felt like my eyes were seeing someone standing in front of me and not my reflection. It scares me to think that I will be experiencing these episodes forever. I literally just put my phone down twice because I thought my cat was choking to death because he had a hairball (he’s fine) I just feel like I can’t see a way out of this. It’s not curable, and I don’t understand how someone can ‘conquer’ something that feels so out of control Obviously it’s possible, but unfortunately that reassurance doesn’t always break through the most awful thoughts Sometimes there’s nothing that can make me calm down, I just have to ride it out I hope there’s never a day where it’s so out of control that I can’t keep it in at work, and I ruin my own life by having a severe panic attack while I’m there and being fired. If I had the type of episodes at work that I have consistently at home, I would be so humiliated. It scares me. I’m trying so hard to be normal like everyone else. I just want to be happy. I just want to live.

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Will I ever want to live again

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