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I know it does. Trust me. But you are not your ocd. Remember that!
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@School123 ā¤ļø
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@tuchi Everything will be okay. I know it's easier said than don't but you've got this. You are stronger than a thought.
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@School123 Itās really heavy on me š
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@tuchi I understand, It gets heavy and it may be hard to lift those weights off your shoulders, but you have to keep trying to lift those weights up and i promise that you will be strong enough to lift them up. It's taken me a very long time to get to the point to life up the weights but i'm able to now. Sometimes it takes time but you CAN get there! You just need to remind yourself that you are going to be okay, it's not you, you would never act out on any thoughts and that you are the only person who will be there for you for your whole life. You have to treat yourself better!
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@School123 š„¹š„¹š„¹ really means a lot to mean, this made my day š„¹ā¤ļø
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@School123 Thank you very much ā¤ļø wish we could chat more, are you on Snapchat?
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@tuchi Im so glad it did! I just downloaded this app and im glad I did because i really didn't realize how many people are going through what I do.
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@tuchi Yes, I am!
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@School123 When all this started 8 months ago I didnāt know there was a mental illness called OCD till I saw it on YouTube
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@School123 Whatās your handle?
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@tuchi Some people don't even know why they are having these thoughts because they don't know about ocd and it's sad because they don't know why, so i hope the word gets out there about ocd so more people know that it's not them. And my username is @cadireilly16
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@School123 Honestly I went 6 months without knowing, when I knew what it was the anxiety stop I wasnāt anxious anymore about the thoughts and that got me worried why wasnāt I feeling anxious when ever I get those thoughts anymore
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@School123 Just added you
Related posts
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My OCD has never been this strong, it's so real, it feels like it will never go away, it's never been this strong for me and it's very scary.
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As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.
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trigger warning!!!!!! Iām really scared right now. Iāve been reading Elle Warrenās articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. Iām terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that donāt end up being real. But reading her story, itās like Iām seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elleās story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now Iām questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, Iām wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elleās experience was very similar to mine: ⢠She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. ⢠She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. ⢠Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. ⢠She said things like, āI feel peace when I believe Iām straight.ā ⢠She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. Iām scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize Iām gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that Iām straight, with the possibility that Iām not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasnāt actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so muchāgrowing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now itās hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if Iām just struggling with OCD and eventually realize Iām straight? I just donāt know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I donāt have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasnāt happened for me yet, and itās terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I donāt know whatās going to happen, but Iām really scared about where this will lead.
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