Please need advice

I can’t stop crying, I feel so miserable, the sun is shining and I feel so down. It’s be raining for so long and I do get affected by the weather and it’s finally sunny and I’m not even able to feel happy because it’s sunny I jsut feel so miserable and at the same time as if I’m faking being sad, I’m crying but feel like I’m faking being sad. I’m worrying because when i imagine the thoughts it feels like I like I know how it feels to smother someone and that I like the feeling of doing that and that it feels ‘good’ to do that. Im so down I feel so crap, it feels so real like extremely real im believing it. Even though im crying as soon as I remember how it ‘feels’ or that feeling that makes me think I ‘like the feeling’ of suffocating someone it feels like im faking crying and would definitely do that. My brother went out the house and it’s jsut me and my mum at home and my Brain was suddenly telling me it was a problem and thag I would be evil because it feels like I like the feeling of doing that and then I started crying because I don’t want to do that but it feels like I like the feeling of doing that and that it could happen and I don’t know what to do, why do I have to go through this I definitely think im evil now and im worried all it will take is to imagine how it feels to do that and get that feeling that makes me feel like ‘I like the feeling’ and then it would actually happen 😞😞😞 I feel down. I don’t even feel guilty about the thoughts or like I’m a ‘bad’ person I just feel down and I don’t know why maybe I am jsut evil and want to do that but I have a conscience? Maybe now I like the feeling of doing that smothering thing but I have a conscience?? Help please

c.dence0.0

Date posted: 2y

I've been there. Don't give in to your thoughts. I know that's easier said than done but you would never act out on those thoughts. As much as you think you might you won't. I think like how you've explained on a daily basis. I have horrible thoughts about other people and im constantly worried Im going to "like" the thought or "do" the thought but I never have ended up doing any of them. Just remember that you are not your ocd. Your ocd is not something that should block the sun. In fact, if you can, push it out of the way, try your best to ignore it, because I learned no matter how bad it feels if i try for even just a second to ignore it, it gets easier to ignore it. And I know what you mean when you say your sad and feel like your faking be sad. But honestly you are sad, and i think your brain is making you feel like that because your worried about offending other people or faking something and other people being upset with you maybe? Remember, you are NOT your ocd! Your are stronger and you CAN absolutely push the thought aside, even for a moment just to breathe fresh air. I know it's hard to do and easier said than done but you can do it!

lu22

Date posted: 2y

@School123 Thank you for this, I think the reason it’s harder for me to ignore is because before I was just worried that I would like the feeling of doing that but now I deliberately imagined it and it felt like I do like the feeling of doing that and like there’s some sort of good feeling from doing that. I’m worried that that feeling combined with the fake urges will make me actually do that, since now I actually ‘like the feeling’ 😞

c.dence0.0

Date posted: 2y

@lu22 I understand. You really don't like the feeling it's actually the opposite. Your worrying yourself into a pit and it's causing you to think these things are a reality. but i promise it's not you.

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I really need advice harm ocd

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I want to talk to someone harm ocd, really 🙁

I’m out of energy my cod feels at its worst I actually feel like I’m bad and there is something wrong with me I feel numb I can’t cry or be anxious over anything and I don’t know what to do because I don’t feel normal now it feels like I’m bad. I had this stabbing thought which I after started deliberately imaging to test myself but instead it felt like I like the feeling and know how it feels to stab someone then I was getting this feeling that I liked it wanted it or would enjoy it and it felt extremely real like i wanted it because it would feel ‘good’ I cant explain it but it suddenly felt like I enjoy or want it almost like I wanted to feel the feeling of doing that bad thing because I ‘like it’ I have no energy I can’t get over that feeling because it now felt like I actually wanted it I don’t know what is going on I’m worrying now I will actually want that to know how it is or as if I’ve discovered what evil people like or why they enjoy it and now I’m so lost and confused and I feel numb I don’t even know if I want or don’t want it and people always say with ocd they feel like they want it but they know deep down it’s against their morals or they would never do that but it literally feels like I don’t know now and it felt like a real feeling that I thought there was something good or enjoyable about doing that thing and I’m concerned I’ve had ocd for 2/3 years now and I’ve gone through crying and being upset and all the different emotions of having it and now I’m experiencing this and worried if I’ve changed and what if I’m actually evil now or have come to like evil things from imagining it and I want to talk to someone I don’t know what to do the other day it felt really real that it was about to happen and that I wanted to and I was getting this sick feeling that I was happy or liked it. Please I need advice I can’t get over this and move on because it feels like it wasn’t ocd and that feeling still happens and how can I ignore it and even if I try to ignore it I can’t because it felt real that I liked it and now it feels like there’s no going back if it felt like I actually liked it 🙁🙁

lu22

Date posted: 23w

No therapy, harm ocd need advice Asap please

I keep getting these horrible feelings come back that make me feel down or like my life isn’t the same. It feels almost like someone is holding you over the edge of a cliff and sometimes they pull you back and you feel safe and the next minute they dangle you back over and you feel like there is a big problem again. I feel like I can’t forget how it felt it made me feel like I’m actually evil and I wanted it and enjoyed it and I can’t be normal now. I feel like I don’t even know what I want. I try to forget and be normal but when I do it feels like how do I know I don’t actually want to be evil because it felt like that? And now it feels like what if that’s my true nature and I’m denying it and that makes me feel like well if I’m debating about whether I am or not maybe I actually do want it? I try to live normally but I can’t because I have ‘this’ problem. The thoughts were about stabbing and it felt like it was actually about to happen and I got this weird feeling that felt like I was suddenly really happy about it and discovered why evil people enjoy doing evil things and now I can’t get over that feeling emotion?? Because now I’m thinking how can I forget it felt like that?? And that feeling must still be there I’m jsut not looking for it like maybe if I sat there imagining those thoughts again maybe that feeling would come back ?? I don’t know what to do or who I am I don’t even know if I’m sad or if I’m worried or if I’m good or if I wanted that bad thing but that feeling has really affected me like I don’t know if I want to he evil or not and now I’m worried maybe I was impressed by that feeling what if I want that feeling again because it feels good what if because I felt like I was happy or enjoyed it now I want that again I’m so confused ?? What if evil people enjoy it and I’ve realised why they enjoy it and now I want that feeling again? I don’t know what to do

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