Has anyone experienced this?

Has this ever happened to anywhere where you pick up an object (maybe an object that’s caused you distress) and you had an intrusive thought at the same time or deliberately imagined an intrusive thought but because your holding the object it makes it seem ever more real like that ‘could have happened’ or if it feels like an urge and your holding an object it feels ever more real, I’ve been worrying about it all day. I’ve been stuck on ruminating about these ‘smothering thoughts’ and last night I went to go to sleep and I picked up my pillow to fluff it up and my mum was sleeping next to me and as I picked up the pillow I was aware of the intrusive thought and then I deliberately imagined the smothering thing about my mum while holding the pillow and it made it seem more real like I would actually do that or like the feeling of doing that and now all day I’ve been worrying about it because I’m worried I’m evil and would do that or could have done that or in the future will. When I went through a faze where I was scared of being around sharp objects I couldn’t even pick up a knife because it as scared I would suddenly lash out on an ‘urge’ 😖🙁

Brooklyn_99

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Yeah I’ve been where you are. It’s cause we’ve conditioned ourselves to worry. So we expect the thoughts to happen and if they don’t, we look for them. It happens to me all the time. Another trick OCD has in its bag. Pay it no attention. Ruminating is a HUGE compulsion. I struggle with it too. But remember it’s a compulsion and we’re not supposed to be doing compulsions. I know how scary it is to not think about this stuff. It’s almost like you have to worry about it or else it will happen. But that’s not the case. OCD wants you to ruminate. It wants you stuck. It wants you constantly searching for certainty. There is no intrusive thought, no intrusive feeling or emotion that pops up that you will be able to find an answer to. Acknowledge it without picking at it and searching it. I can catch myself when I start to ruminate and I say to myself “ FUCK YOU OCD, I’m not going to give you what you want”. And it helps me stop. It draws that line in my brain. Or I say “ come at me OCD, I’ll kick your ass”. Keep trying to break away from your thinking loops. Remember. Your OCD, thoughts and emotions are not special. If you’ve thought it or felt it. Thousands of other people have as well. You are not alone in your struggle. Keep being brave. Keep fighting.

lu22

Date posted: 2y

@Brooklyn_99 Thank you for this, I do go looking for the thoughts on purpose but now I’m believing it’s because I like the feeling of doing that and I’m having the thoughts because maybe I like it 😞 but I feel really scared now that that situation will happen again where it will feel like I’m about to ‘act on it’ and I’m worried because i test myself mentally a lot by deliberately having the thoughts but now I’m worried I will test myself by picking up the pillow and seeing if I’m evil but it was so horrible and scary and felt so real and I was down today because of it 😞 I really don’t want to do that again but I’m worried I will try and test myself 😞😞

Brooklyn_99

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@lu22 Remember your in control. The OCD is not. You may do that you may not. You have to cut that rumination off when it starts. Tell your OCD “ I’m NOT going to give you what you want”. It wants you to trip balls constantly. It wants you to question yourself and search for answers. You will get thru these emotions and thoughts. They will pass and your ocd will move onto something else like it always does. You can be brave. You are capable of overcoming OCD and making a full recovery. It won’t be easy but you need to FIGHT for yourself. No one else will. You need to pick up your tools and get to work. You can do this. Remember who you are. Don’t let the OCD tell you how to think and feel anymore. Your in charge. Your in control. You are BRAVE. Trust yourself and start saying NO to the OCD. Do not be silent. This is a time for taking charge of your life. You need to take it back! If you need someone to talk too or need some other advice. Add me on Snapchat. My user is djbridgewashere. I’m always looking to make more OCD friends. DONT let OCD make you forget who you are. ❤️

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 25w

What is this?

Recently ive been getting very scared to even be angry bc of the horrible thoughts I have and it feels even more real when I'm angry or even annoyed. Rn I was not even super annoyed at my neice but I felt a twinge of annoyance since she went up to my face and was yelling at me while I was resting on the bed and I got this image of doing something bad to her and I felt my hand twitch very little. I got nervous and felt relieved when her dad told her to stop screaming for no reason. I've been hyperfocusing on my bodily reactions (mainly my hands or how I'm feeling like did I just enjoy that? Was I considering???) And I've noticed the small twitches whenever I'm mad or annoyed and it's scaring me so bad! Like do I want to act out? Am I holding back??? I used to not even twitch at all when mad and I felt 100% sure I'll never act out but now it feels like I don't know bc what do these twitches mean?, I do know I don't want to ever act out but it's so scary. Recently whenever I feel angry once the argument is over I cry really bad after I'm alone and I pray so i never want or act out. And when the annoyance passes I also feel so guilty and want to stay away. Im scared these are real urges and i research for many many hours to make sure they arent urges or impulses and i also tend to ask chatgpt or here if the anxiety gets so bad 😕

Holl1

Date posted: 24w

Urge?

Earlier I had what felt like an urge but I’m not sure. I’ve had urges before but this felt different as the object was in front of me (not intentional btw) , I’ve been quite stressed lately and my OCD is latching on to that. I had an urge to harm and within that I had like 2/3 intrusive images that came to mind, I couldn’t rationalise with it, I felt “stuck” when I came out of it I felt scared immediately was trying to work out why I’d even think of doing that & was very upset. A while after I keep getting thoughts like “say your goodbyes it won’t be long until you act out” I cried to my boyfriend and told him everything. How do I know if this was intent vs intrusive urge?

Harm OCD

feelinalone.

Date posted: 23w

i’m so anxious right now.

i had thoughts of “planning” to harm my boyfriend. we have a trip coming up and my intrusive thoughts were telling me “nobody will know if you harm him all the way over there”, then my mind started rambling on like “everyone will know-“ and so on and so forth, it actually made me feel like i was contemplating on doing something and now it feels like im turning evil ): has anyone had thoughts like this?

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