I’m trying to forget but it’s really hard

I’m trying to forget about this problem (I have beeen worrying because when I tested myself by deliberately imagining the intrusive thought it felt like I liked the feeling of imagining doing that action in the intrusive thought, the thoughts are about smothering) I’m trying to forget about it but I get triggered all the time, I got into a habit of constantly imagining the smothering thought to ‘check’ and just now I was scrolling on tiktok and there was a video of a parrot and my head thought of the smothering thought and then it felt like I ‘liked the feeling’ of smothering the Parrot when I imagined it but I don’t know if it’s the anxiety that’s making it feel like that but i don’t even know if it’s anxiety anymore because it’s not super strong anxiety but I’m just confused, after it felt like I would ‘like the feeling of smothering the parrot’ I scrolled away and then scrolled back to the video to continue deliberately imagining the thought until it feels like i ‘don’t like the feeling’ so I can continue with my dad, but when I initially saw the video with the parrot it’s like I remember the thought because I saw his beak and it suddenly felt like ‘I like the feeling of imagining squashing the parrot till it stops breathing’ (sorry that sounds horrible) but I don’t know how to explain it and the fact that that feeling exists I don’t know what to do because sometimes I will get reminded of the thought and that feeling and then feel like I have to test myself in the thought or jsut instantly it will feel like ‘I like the feeling’ I don’t know what to do , that feeling feels extremely real and the fact it makes me feel like I like the feeling of doing that makes it more real and I’m starting to believe I actually like the feeling of smothering ans it’s really scary

Jak71

Date posted: 2y

I have the same type of ocd and I have exactly the same thought processes. It is hell 😭 however, we can take notice of the thoughts and ruminate /check over and over or we can think it is just a thought that everyone has from time to time. The only difference with OCD sufferers is that we torment ourselves by checking and testing ourselves and thinking that we’re a terrible person. I am mid therapy with a wonderful therapist. Are you having therapy?

CB6236

Date posted: 2y

Hey! I have Harm OCD and my thoughts can go in a similar direction. My daughter won a jump rope for selling candy at school and my OCD latched onto that sucker as a weapon right away. She’s sitting with her stupid jump rope right now playing Roblox and I want to throw it out the window buuut I’m sitting with my anxiety. But for sure my thoughts take a similar form like what if it was enjoyable. It’s another way for OCD to hang on. If you didn’t care about animals or people these thoughts would not feel gross. Also, a lot of this might be checking, which I tend to do as well. How far can I take this thought and still feel anxiety? That type of thing. I’m a writer, and my imagination is on another level, so it’s a disaster. But I’m right there with you, I totally get how you’re feeling! If OCD didn’t feel real, it wouldn’t be scary. Move toward your values (one of mine is being a really good parent) and just hang in there. OCD messes with gut feelings and your sense of self, but you are never not in control. Remember that! Don’t let it take away what you love.

lu22

Date posted: 23w

Harm ocd come back

Suddenly I started ruminating again but I no longer get bad anxiety over the thoughts but it feels like the ‘urges’ are still there and it’s making it seem more real that these are true. Why am I having urges without the anxiety or it’s weird like i don’t even know when im anxious maybe i got use to the feeling of being anxious but it feels too real and I get these weird thought that are like ‘imagine you was evil anyways’ or ‘imagine you want to be but your in denial’ or the worst makes it feel like you would like acting on the thoughts even if you choose not to do it and it feels really real. The thoughts are about stabbing and it felt so real and I started imaging it on purpose to ‘test’ myself but it doesn’t ever feel like I hate it enough or don’t want it like I feel numb to everything and it feels really real like I want it or do want to do it but I’m just choosing not to and it’s scary but I use to get so much anxiety over this and now nothing now it feels like I don’t even feel like I ‘hate’ it or I should know that I don’t want to do that? Instead of sitting there experimenting with the thoughts to see. I want it to feel like I don’t want it and don’t like it I constantly feel like I’m lying about not wanting this, but it’s concerning me a lot because it feels so real that I like it or want it and there was one point where it felt like it was about to happen and that I wanted it and now that’s made me think there is something wrong with me or that I want to give in to it 🙁 please I don’t belive anything I don’t even belive I am sad it feels so real that it was about to happen or I wanted it and I don’t know what to do I was fine before and suddenly I started ruminating and now this

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I really need advice harm ocd

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

lu22

Date posted: 23w

Suffering a lot, need advice, have no therapy 🙁🙁

I feel like this time I can’t pick myself back up. It felt too real like I don’t even belive it wasn’t real I fully feel like it was my own feeling and I genuinely felt that. I had stabbing intrusive thoughts, I imaginined it on purpose to test my reaction and then it felt like I know how it feels to physically do that action (stab someone) and I like how it feels then I was getting these urge feelings and it felt like I wanted it and then I was imagining the thoughts again about stabbing someoneI care about multiple times and then It suddenly felt like I was really happy about the thought and almost like I really enjoyed it and realised why evil people enjoy doing these things like I felt what they felt like I’ve discovered a ‘thrill’ feeling of doing that evil thing and I can’t get over it I can’t figure out why it felt like that and now I’m thinking because it felt like I liked it and it felt good I will be curious about being evil or want to be evil to feel that feeling again and it’s really messed up and I don’t know what to do everytime I think about it it feels like there is actually something wrong with me I no longer have anxiety or feel really worried about the thoughts I feel numb and that feeling is really making me feel bad like I can’t live normally now it feels like I am actually evil now and I don’t even know if I have morals or if i would be evil or not. Normally with my thoughts no matter how real it’s felt I’ve managed to convince myself why I had a certain feeling and why it’s not real and why I’m a good person but this time it actually feels like that feeling was from me and I actually felt really happy and enjoyed or got a thrill from the idea of doing that horrible thing like I can’t even say it feels real because I’m thinking it is real I don’t know what to do 🙁🙁I’ve had ocd for a few years but don’t get anxious anymore and this feels like I’m actually bad or would want to do it because of that feeling

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

I’m trying to forget but it’s really hard

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community