Xavier Robinson
- Date posted
- 5y
FernandoVFernandoV
- Date posted
- 5y
Dear Maya10; I completely understand what you feel - When we are under the OCD spell it is hard to see. It is a paradox. Look. To be completely honest I gave up my quest to know what I am. For real, I am not kidding. I don't know if I am gay, bi or straight with kinks. But I DO know what I want, I love living with my wife, she makes me happy, I love her company. I don't WANT any other life. Some people might say that I am lying to myself and in the closet. Well, those people can kiss my a**. I don't care about what they think, I care about what I want. Same thing with my pocd - My OCD tells me that I might have hidden attractions to children and other perversions and that if people knew my life and thoughts they would think the same. Well, they can think whatever they want. I don't WANT to do any of those things. My thoughts may attack me - I still don't WANT to act on any of them. If you really think hard about it you'll realize that these obsessions come from society and the media. We are scared of what people will say.
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 5y
We can’t say for sure either way. And neither can you! Whatever happened: maybe it was a sign you’re really gay, or maybe it was another symptom of HOCD. To do ERP you gotta accept the uncertainty of that. I’m sorry you’re going through this!
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 5y
You’ll have to stop looking for clues and trying to piece together why all of this is happening. Give each question an uncertain answer: “I don’t know! Maybe!” And then leave it at that. When you’re brain asks another question, do it again.
FernandoVFernandoV
- Date posted
- 5y
I'm glad it helped. Now, you need your husband's support and an OCD specialist if you don't have one already. There is treatment online too. The reason why that is important is because the thoughts will keep coming and you need to show your brain that you are OK with uncertainty. Your husband needs to play a part in it to the point where when you go ask for reassurance "What if I am truly a lesbian"? Then he needs to answer: "May be" "Who knows" and then move on and stay like that. That attitude destroys OCD to the core, but you might need the guidance of a therapist.
maya1090maya1090
- Date posted
- 5y
What an amazing answer ,& thank you. Yep I'm married with kids & adore my family but the old ocd creeping drives me mad! I love your understanding & this answer gives me comfort for sure. Yep I don't want to act on these thoughts & they definitely attack my regular life. Thank you & I think the constant thoughts wear me down! But I realise that maybe you can have a life with these thought & kind of carry on regardless!!!
maya1090maya1090
- Date posted
- 5y
Yep I'm with a therapist but she might not be really good with OCD. But I'm willing to chat again to her, she's a very supportive therapist but its more talk therapy. I'll have to consider telling my husband as he suffers from his own anxiety & doesn't really sympathize with me when I have had other anxious feelings that have shattered me. I find keeping it to myself is easier as I'll just have to worry about him then! But it is something to consider!
Xavier RobinsonXavier Robinson
- Date posted
- 5y
Well i mean that big big thing happened like 3 months ago and i got past it. But now since that big thing ive been digging myself in a hole. But i think i just remembered somthing maybe the attraction to girls thing kicked in a few days later.
FernandoVFernandoV
- Date posted
- 5y
That is great advice but usually people in this forum are not ready to face uncertainty and receive "probably", "may be" answers (which are the most adequate for the OCD). And I get it, people want only love and hidden reassurance, which is not an awful terrible thing to do but it will never help anyone make any progress. So, just giving you a heads up because they might report you. Apparently sarcasm is not understood well through a graphic mesis.
maya1090maya1090
- Date posted
- 5y
But I can't understand "you might have to accept you might be gay?" When you never were for your entire life. I get confused on this as this means that I will have to admit & tell everyone that I'm not sure about my sexuality? I mean I can't live with the unsure feelings to be honest. Its day in day out of the same question. Some days are better than others but the feelings of guilt & this hidden feelings & emotions is never ending so I guess I don't know how to just accept it I mean if I accept it that means I'll start having to change my entire life which I don't want. Very difficult!
Related posts
ocd1101
- Date posted
- 25w
I feel absolutely horrible!!
I had same Sex fantasies, sought that out in 🌽 before I knew what sexuality was, it’s related to a specific fetish and I used to talk to strangers online including men and I’m scared now what all of this means, I have HOCD, POCD, all sorts of thoughts but I don’t know if it’s my thoughts or my past which is reality. Why did I have those thoughts as a young boy? Why why why? Who am I? Do I even have OCD? What monster am I? I just want to end it all sometimes in all honesty. Not really but sure feels like it. I’m dying inside .
Mt2019
- Date posted
- 19w
Question about HOCD
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
geodrimilis
- Date posted
- 13w
Hocd is literally a clown in my head.
Like I can’t think straight. This is making me doubt everything I’ve thought about myself and even makes me feel like I like the thoughts when I know I don’t. Like I would be less anxious at a time while I still have the thoughts and my mind would go “oh so you like it you must be gay” or the other one where I’m not anxious and I think of my attraction for girls that I’ve had my whole life and my mind goes “see now you’re not into them you’re gay” like it’s so stupid but so effective. I clearly remember being into girls my whole life but my mind is making me believe that all these attractions and feelings for women were all fake or “a thing of the past”. But I can still get aroused by women but I have this weird anxiety going on which brings these sensations/feelings and it’s so weird. Today I’ve spent my whole day thinking about it like I’ve been doing for 5 months now. I know that this aint normal but my mind just won’t let me live in peace. I never cared about my sexuality cuz I simply liked women my whole life but now my sexuality is a fundamental philosophy. I hate this.
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