Im not gay right??? Ive done erp before and it was going well but something big happened and now im wondering when i did erp i was afraid and didn't feel a attraction to girls (i have hocd)

Dear Maya10; I completely understand what you feel - When we are under the OCD spell it is hard to see. It is a paradox. Look. To be completely honest I gave up my quest to know what I am. For real, I am not kidding. I don't know if I am gay, bi or straight with kinks. But I DO know what I want, I love living with my wife, she makes me happy, I love her company. I don't WANT any other life. Some people might say that I am lying to myself and in the closet. Well, those people can kiss my a**. I don't care about what they think, I care about what I want. Same thing with my pocd - My OCD tells me that I might have hidden attractions to children and other perversions and that if people knew my life and thoughts they would think the same. Well, they can think whatever they want. I don't WANT to do any of those things. My thoughts may attack me - I still don't WANT to act on any of them. If you really think hard about it you'll realize that these obsessions come from society and the media. We are scared of what people will say.

We can’t say for sure either way. And neither can you! Whatever happened: maybe it was a sign you’re really gay, or maybe it was another symptom of HOCD. To do ERP you gotta accept the uncertainty of that. I’m sorry you’re going through this!

You’ll have to stop looking for clues and trying to piece together why all of this is happening. Give each question an uncertain answer: “I don’t know! Maybe!” And then leave it at that. When you’re brain asks another question, do it again.

I'm glad it helped. Now, you need your husband's support and an OCD specialist if you don't have one already. There is treatment online too. The reason why that is important is because the thoughts will keep coming and you need to show your brain that you are OK with uncertainty. Your husband needs to play a part in it to the point where when you go ask for reassurance "What if I am truly a lesbian"? Then he needs to answer: "May be" "Who knows" and then move on and stay like that. That attitude destroys OCD to the core, but you might need the guidance of a therapist.

What an amazing answer ,& thank you. Yep I'm married with kids & adore my family but the old ocd creeping drives me mad! I love your understanding & this answer gives me comfort for sure. Yep I don't want to act on these thoughts & they definitely attack my regular life. Thank you & I think the constant thoughts wear me down! But I realise that maybe you can have a life with these thought & kind of carry on regardless!!!

Yep I'm with a therapist but she might not be really good with OCD. But I'm willing to chat again to her, she's a very supportive therapist but its more talk therapy. I'll have to consider telling my husband as he suffers from his own anxiety & doesn't really sympathize with me when I have had other anxious feelings that have shattered me. I find keeping it to myself is easier as I'll just have to worry about him then! But it is something to consider!

Well i mean that big big thing happened like 3 months ago and i got past it. But now since that big thing ive been digging myself in a hole. But i think i just remembered somthing maybe the attraction to girls thing kicked in a few days later.

That is great advice but usually people in this forum are not ready to face uncertainty and receive "probably", "may be" answers (which are the most adequate for the OCD). And I get it, people want only love and hidden reassurance, which is not an awful terrible thing to do but it will never help anyone make any progress. So, just giving you a heads up because they might report you. Apparently sarcasm is not understood well through a graphic mesis.

But I can't understand "you might have to accept you might be gay?" When you never were for your entire life. I get confused on this as this means that I will have to admit & tell everyone that I'm not sure about my sexuality? I mean I can't live with the unsure feelings to be honest. Its day in day out of the same question. Some days are better than others but the feelings of guilt & this hidden feelings & emotions is never ending so I guess I don't know how to just accept it I mean if I accept it that means I'll start having to change my entire life which I don't want. Very difficult!